Do expats need a relationship to be happy here?

[Aussieroaming]

1 hour ago, catman20 said:

maybe you have. i wonder how long for ? and do you thing she feels the same way ?

 

No maybe's needed,. How long does any relationship work? It depends on whether you think its worth putting the effort into it.

 

I'm not the sort of guy that would even contemplate being married to a woman that didn't feel the same as me, not my nature.

 

The fact that you choose to be single is fine, I went through the single stage, living and working in several Asian countries and eventually settled down. I have had plenty of time (years) to weed out the women that I couldn't imagine spending my life with and eventually I met someone that I really clicked with. 

 

 

[smotherb]

30 minutes ago, alocmrlj said:

i had always wondered about this. If there is a huge gap in years obviously there should be some kind of compensation. Do they stay with us for our good looks, charm, intelligence which you may posses but they can't understand it anyway in most cases.  I'm sure there is many working relationships between thai/farang but they don't make it to forum because have better things to do

I've seen huge gaps in years and successful relationships--the man offers something more than just financial support. He may be able to show the girl new things; he may be able to make her laugh and enjoy her life with him; he may encourage her to better herself and be able to help her achieve her goals. If you hook-up with an old dragon with baggage, no matter how young in years she may be; your chances for success are slim.

[eldragon]

Good topic, mate.

 

Yes, I feel to stay here long term it would be ideal to have a relationship with a local. I don't think old foreigners are respected all that much by Thais and they need a woman (or man) to sort things out for them from time to time. I guess there's arrangements that could be made. Hire an assistant or something. And it's easy enough to jump from relationship to relationship, even at 100 years old. But in general I think a retired foreigner should have someone in his life looking out for him here.

[chrisandsu]

If you were to find a partner while living in Thailand (although I think it's a bad idea ) you should be looking at the Muslim communities  around bkk . The women are stunning and you get none of the shit you would typically get from an essarn chick . Trust me I married my wife 10 years ago and have never had a problem from her lovely family ??

[alocmrlj]

7 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I've seen huge gaps in years and successful relationships--the man offers something more than just financial support. He may be able to show the girl new things; he may be able to make her laugh and enjoy her life with him; he may encourage her to better herself and be able to help her achieve her goals. If you hook-up with an old dragon with baggage, no matter how young in years she may be; your chances for success are slim.

I like your theory and would be great in a vacuum.

But I can't imagine they would be interested in it just for the other segment without the financial support. Most at least, I know I wouldn't be. Been wrong before, so who knows.

[chrisandsu]

13 minutes ago, alocmrlj said:

I like your theory and would be great in a vacuum.

But I can't imagine they would be interested in it just for the other segment without the financial support. Most at least, I know I wouldn't be. Been wrong before, so who knows.

When you live in a country that has no welfare or child support Mr Farang becomes just that . To me it's a fair transfer , she provides all the wife things while you provide the money . If there is a breakdown in any of this then the relationship should be ended right away , as basically the verbal contract is broken . 

[Tchooptip]

17 hours ago, Chicog said:

Why own a cow when you can buy a pint of milk?

 

 

The romantic post of the year 

[smotherb]

3 minutes ago, alocmrlj said:

I like your theory and would be great in a vacuum.

But I can't imagine they would be interested in it just for the other segment without the financial support. Most at least, I know I wouldn't be. Been wrong before, so who knows.

I agree, it doesn't always work, no matter how hard the old guy tries; especially if the girl doesn't really like him to start. However in the majority of good May-December relationships I have seen, they have something in common other than him having money and she wanting it.

[NoshowJones]

I think everyone is different, some people want to just monger, and are happy with that, some just want to sit and drink all day and start falling out with their mates because they don't want to join them drinking all day, but I would say most expats who are here to stay, are mostly happy in their marriages or relationships with Thai ladies, even ex bargirls.

 

I think that guys who are financially well of (I only speak for the UK) back home have the least chance of being happy in Thailand in the long run, because they were well off before they came to Thailand, and are more likely to be upset with the Thai culture, and the guys who were not so well off, but able to buy their house back in the eighties when the government made it easy for them to do so. They then sold their homes after paying them off. and came here mainly because it is much cheaper than the UK and have good weather most of the time, these are the guys who are the happiest.

[dick dasterdly]

We're all different, and some people NEED to have a live-in companion.

 

I can sort of understand it,  as its nice to be able to immediately share the 'odd' things that happen.

 

Even so, others (myself included) find life easier and happier without a live-in companion.

 

When married, I always said that it would be far better if we could live next door to each other.  Far easier to be the best of friends (with benefits) that way - without the hassle of having to live in the same house with someone!

[perdido]

18 hours ago, happy Joe said:

The right question is: Can we be happy solo?

To be or not expatriate is secondary in the case.

And for me having long tried both I would say that I was happy alone but I'm much more now with my pretty little wife.

....maybe that's the key....you must be able to be happy alone , in order to be happy in a relationship.........I guess the ' pretty little ' addendum helps, unless one has a predeliction for big, fat, mommas.......

[dick dasterdly]

45 minutes ago, perdido said:

....maybe that's the key....you must be able to be happy alone , in order to be happy in a relationship.........I guess the ' pretty little ' addendum helps, unless one has a predeliction for big, fat, mommas.......

NO!

 

Having been married/separated for a few years (and been v happy alone)/got back together again - I can assure you that some of us are far happier without a live-in companion! 

[Thingamabob]

Yawn. Next...

[dick dasterdly]

Just now, Thingamabob said:

Yawn. Next...

Thanks for your valued, interesting post .

 

If you're not interested in the topic, why on earth bother posting a pointless, derogatory response?

[Kinnock]

19 hours ago, Chicog said:

Why own a cow when you can buy a pint of milk?

 

 

But what if the cow is gorgeous, a great cook and a devoted companion (and has nice udders).  Having to pop in to 7 every time you want some milk can get old real fast. 

 

No partner is always better than a bad partner - but the right one trumps shopping for UHT any day.

 

There's many people who've found the right partner in Thailand - but I guess most are too busy milking the cow to post on TV?

[yogi100]

19 hours ago, Chicog said:

Why own a cow when you can buy a pint of milk?

 

 

 

Why buy a book if you live in a library!

[Rob13]

Why buy just  a pint when you can own the cow?

Edited August 15, 2016 by Rob13

[AlexRich]

15 minutes ago, Kinnock said:

But what if the cow is gorgeous, a great cook and a devoted companion (and has nice udders).  Having to pop in to 7 every time you want some milk can get old real fast. 

 

No partner is always better than a bad partner - but the right one trumps shopping for UHT any day.

 

There's many people who've found the right partner in Thailand - but I guess most are too busy milking the cow to post on TV?

 

Yes ... or being 'milked' by the cow? 

[kiwikeith]

Relationships are similar to addiction, and insanity, It is insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

This is why it takes so long to learn, coupled with a bit of obsessive compulsive behaviour and maybe never learn ever, ending in crisis.

Some (few) who have learnt are quite happy to be single, have friends and if needed a bit on the side now and again. 

[dick dasterdly]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

Think your one sided male/female view....

Not really.  I still think some people NEED to have someone living with them.

 

Others (eventually) realise that they're personally better off without.

 

In the same way, some need to have lots of friends around them - whereas others only want a few, close friends.

 

Edit - Depends on whether you're introverted or extroverted possibly?

Edited August 15, 2016 by dick dasterdly

[JJGreen]

7 hours ago, Aussieroaming said:

i hate living alone, just something wrong about walking into a silent home

 

7 hours ago, catman20 said:

i used to be like that, but no company is better than bad company, its all about what you get used to, i love being single now 

 

Sometimes it's good to have someone waiting at home to share and talk with.

Sometimes space and quiet fills the need.

Quite some guys in bkk live in smallish boxes of less than 40sq. Not sure the confined space helps a relationship long term.

 

There can be pressure on singles about needing to find a partner or "don't you  get lonely" questions.

That's a sign of the person reflecting their own fears.

 

[JJGreen]

7 hours ago, peter48 said:

Best not to marry a Thai woman. If you have and it stinks move on quickly. Best to live together but not marry as there are too many barriers and deep costs. Ex-pats here are lucky with lots of choice. Maybe you can find a good one iand have both good physical relationship and happy relationship but do not stay with any Thai girl who shouts, fights, loses her temper often moans, does little because it will not improve never. Always get out quick if you have any doubts about her mental stability because it never ever gets better. Do not take to Europe if there are any problems in your relationship ; divorce rate is massive with   Thais and Farangs. 

Some good advice..could apply to relationships everywhere.

 

Most guys have to go through a bad relationship first before they come up with the non negotiable.

 

In my early twenties I liked a bit of crazy; damaged goods. 

These days bad temper, moodiness, fighting, drink or substance issues or mental issues are all immediate turnoff in a girlfriend.

 

A relatively calm and peaceful life is what I strive for

[Agent Sumo]

11 minutes ago, JJGreen said:

 

 

Sometimes it's good to have someone waiting at home to share and talk with.

Sometimes space and quiet fills the need.

 

Easily dealt with. The women I see must - must - have their own place and be intent on remaining there and not looking to move her shit in.

She can stay over for a night or two but then she has to ship out.

 

Quote

 

Quite some guys in bkk live in smallish boxes of less than 40sq. Not sure the confined space helps a relationship long term.

 

There can be pressure on singles about needing to find a partner or "don't you  get lonely" questions.

That's a sign of the person reflecting their own fears.

 

 

Yep, I get those questions all the time, mostly from women and usually when they're evaluating me for a cohabitation situation at the outset of a "dalliance" 

They just can't fathom how a guy can live alone in a big condo but I think that's a cultural thing; the Thais I've met seem to have an aversion to being or even eating alone. 

 

I work from home so I need to be comfortable, hence the big condo but I'm amazed at how people cohabit in these tiny rabbit hutches. 

'

[JJGreen]

7 hours ago, kenk24 said:

 

I think this question goes beyond borders.. As you, I feel sorry for people in dysfunctional relationships. Not my style as I would prefer to be alone and have no problems being alone. The relationship we have morphed into over many years seems to suit me fine, though it might not suit others. I like and get my alone time. I also like raising a kid and get to do that too, with the help of a large family. 

 

My wife and I have never discussed our relationship, we just have it. There is not too much of a dependent aspect to it and I surely function fine on my own as does she.... We would each do fine w/o the other. The unspoken idea is to help hte other have a better life than if they were alone. 

 

I do see people come here, into the countryside, and feel they cannot function w/o their  "other" at their side all day, every day... this would not work for me and seems not to work for them. Most of my friends here in Baan Nork have similar relationships to mine and they get along fine. There if needed by the family, though in my case, that is a rarity and yes, they have been there to help me the rare times they were needed, like the battery in my car going dead or such. They are glad to take care of it. 

 

I have seen many a happy relationship where the couple has a lot of space and alone time. Seperate friend sets and outside hobbies, yet maintain enough common interests and respect.

I guess I have also seen happy relationships where the couple are joined at the hip for activities, friends, hobbies.

Of course I have seen the flips idea of both..

 

Personally, within a relationship I like space and some seperate outside interests. But both people need to be accepting and secure with their own selves first, for that to work 

 

[JJGreen]

2 minutes ago, Agent Sumo said:

 

Easily dealt with. The women I see must - must - have their own place and be intent on remaining there and not looking to move her shit in.

She can stay over for a night or two but then she has to ship out.

 

 

Yep, I get those questions all the time, mostly from women and usually when they're evaluating me for a cohabitation situation at the outset of a "dalliance" 

They just can't fathom how a guy can live alone in a big condo but I think that's a cultural thing; the Thais I've met seem to have an aversion to being or even eating alone. 

 

I work from home so I need to be comfortable, hence the big condo but I'm amazed at how people cohabit in these tiny rabbit hutches. 

'

 

"you want to be alone forever?" is a favorite manipulative statement I hear.

Also a warning sign for me as to their mindset and intentions.

 

[JJGreen]

4 hours ago, dick dasterdly said:

NO!

 

Having been married/separated for a few years (and been v happy alone)/got back together again - I can assure you that some of us are far happier without a live-in companion! 

I wouldn't want to get back with any ex now. 

I have moved on and changed and would hope they have too.

Looking back on some of them I would have been far happier alone.

[JJGreen]

7 hours ago, smotherb said:

Seems like a rational question to me.

 

I've known far too many farangs who are, or have been, in bad relationships with Thai women. And, we all have seen too many stories of woe about TV posters' relationships with Thai gfs.   

 

I met one the other night; been here five years and on his third "Thai wife" The two previous ones had Thai boyfriends and ripped him off monetarily. His third was demanding house, car and family support. 

 

So, I wholeheartedly agree with JJGreen's post and I too wonder about those who are in and/or keep getting into bad relationships. It appears they do not change their selection criteria for women and can't imagine why they end up with the same type of woman.  So, I too wonder why don't you just stay single?

 

 

 

Five years and third Thai wife...Was he not seeing the link and what was happening with his 3rd?

 

[Captor]

8 hours ago, Toscano said:

Living in Thailand , or anywhere else can be pretty lonesome .  I do think some sort of relationship is desirable .  I have been living in Thailand with the same woman for twelve years , married for ten .  My recommendation to men retiring in Thailand is to get a Retirement Visa ; with which you are free to come and go as you please .  If you decide to marry a girl/woman , you can have a simple Thai Wedding with her family .  If things don't work out you can simply pack your bags and go , with no strings attached ; either rent a house/apartment or live in your partner's own house ; in either case you stand to lose little on moving out .  Wives are expensive and in time may lose interest in sex ; far better and possibly cheaper to pay for it as you go  .

 

 

Toscano, You said little to lose if decide to move out or away from thai wife, what about the economical part? Is not all the money in the household bots to share if separating?

[Rod Gold]

Married more than once, played the field on several occasions, solo now and no more drama, quiet, peaceful existence.  Female companionship is just a 1000 baht more or less away.

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, JJGreen said:

 

Five years and third Thai wife...Was he not seeing the link and what was happening with his 3rd?

 

Don't know, some people are simply Dents--you know, they have dents in their heads; which has to be worse than simply being Dense. You'd think he would have learned. What's worse? I guess he could have gotten them all from the same bar.