"The Family"

[swissie]

To marry a Thai Lady means marrying a Thai Family. Nothing revolutionary new.

But: As a Farang, married to a Thai Lady, would you rather say that the very fact, that one has married a Family was beneficial to the marriage (overall), or would the marriage between a Farang / Thai Lady be more harmonious, if the "Family" were to relocate to the dark side of the moon ?
Cheers.

[JJGreen]

JJ's rule # 13 of Thai dating.

Only date orphans

[Dexlowe]

I presume you're including the "brother" or the male "cousin" in that?

[Paul Catton]

Beneficial on all counts.

[pigeonjake]

you dont have to marry the family!

[transam]

I am so so glad I never built our house near her family. It took me a few years to work stuff out and so now I never go to her families town at all...They have accepted that and Mrs.Trans says they know why you stay away.

Happy bunny...

[villagefarang]

Each situation is unique.  We have worked out a solution for our situation but I wouldn't suggest it would work for others.

[Dmaxdan]

My in laws are great, I love them to bits. We live in the same village but not on the family land. They are in no way a burden to us and they deal with there own affairs without needing our help. I think there is a stigma attached to ' marrying the family' in Thailand that isn't always justified.

[transam]

1 minute ago, Dmaxdan said:

My in laws are great, I love them to bits. We live in the same village but not on the family land. They are in no way a burden to us and they deal with there own affairs without needing our help. I think there is a stigma attached to ' marrying the family' in Thailand that isn't always justified.

Perhaps you were just lucky.....

[1FinickyOne]

Well, this gets both generalized and cliched... and as stated above, is very individual. 

 

My wife has a really great family and I am always impressed with the way they work as a group and w/o resentments toward the ones who are less capable of contributing... they are kind and considerate. They are helpful if needed as we are to them. We built a family compound w/4 houses and I truly like everyone here. I am given my privacy too. 

 

I understand this would not work for everyone and every family. It takes a good mix of elements. 

[jumbo]

Wife's family are good working and drinking people with their priorities wrong, what brings them into very tiny problems.

I have more than enough to share  and take care off them including my own kids from an earlier marriage

So why should I not. I don't give,  I borrow and help them prevent the same mistake again.

They borrow interest free but with ownership from for example house, car or bike for my wife

The wife is unhappier about it than me, I don't give a hoot, what I have and can spare; I share

Very now and then small hick-ups, show them how tough you can be when needed, never happens again.

I love them, I am sure they love me, last birthday party I got  small presents, flowers and even money...

But it all depends on yourself, how you treat them, how you understand them and vice verse

Live in an ivory tower, expect it to be broken down

 

[transam]

6 minutes ago, jumbo said:

Wife's family are good working and drinking people with their priorities wrong, what brings them into very tiny problems.

I have more than enough to share  and take care off them including my own kids from an earlier marriage

So why should I not. I don't give,  I borrow and help them prevent the same mistake again.

They borrow interest free but with ownership from for example house, car or bike for my wife

The wife is unhappier about it than me, I don't give a hoot, what I have and can spare; I share

Very now and then small hick-ups, show them how tough you can be when needed, never happens again.

I love them, I am sure they love me, last birthday party I got  small presents, flowers and even money...

But it all depends on yourself, how you treat them, how you understand them and vice verse

Live in an ivory tower, expect it to be broken down

 

Am sure they are happy you are around...What would they do if you were not around....?

Can you adopt me....I do have an angels voice...

[jumbo]

hehehehe, I think they would go to a bank/financier or maybe loanshark and might get into (bigger) problems.

The wife has a nice portfolio now ...... but if they all pay us back she just keeps her own, if they don't, she can make nice

money as real estate is a good long term investment

There are calculated risks here...that's all. I am not giving them the money...

My money in the bank brings me in a good year 2%.... and now it serves a good purpose

and flowers, whisky hahaha

 

 

[wwest5829]

15 hours ago, JJGreen said:

JJ's rule # 13 of Thai dating.

Only date orphans

Being single again, I'm thinking a petite, slim, sterile orphan might do nicely. Of course, dedicated to taking care of me in my old age. Currently, when asked I reply I am ageless (phonically, "mai yuum gay").

[p_brownstone]

26 minutes ago, wwest5829 said:

Being single again, I'm thinking a petite, slim, sterile orphan might do nicely. Of course, dedicated to taking care of me in my old age. Currently, when asked I reply I am ageless (phonically, "mai yuum gay").

 

"Phonically" that phrase does not mean what you apparently think it means!

 

Patrick

 

 

[tails]

7 hours ago, pigeonjake said:

you dont have to marry the family!

 

 

Correct, although I suspect that may depend on the family for some.

 

For me, my in-laws are great, no pressure and never ask for anything... we drop in every few months with an esky full of beers and fish, a bottle of whisky for dad, orchids for mum and everyones happy :)

[JLCrab]

We've worked out a reverse-SinSod arrangement which is the money I occasionally give to her parents so I don't have to marry their daughter.

[nuananddon]

We have been happily married 45 years, have 3 grown children and have never been bothered or hassled by the wife's family. We spend half the year in Thailand, our home is in the village with her family and we really enjoy them all. Like all families everywhere they have problems but none of it has ever effected us.

[Autonuaq]

First make clear that if she wants to be respected she also need to respect your culture, your habits and your way of doing, you are now entering and international relation.

in that you have to find a center that is working for both of you.

 

Then also make very clear you are not the ATM. As well you only look after her as you are used to do in your country.

 

When you set the rules clear you have no problems.As long as you stick to them.

 

all works fine for me for many years.

 

[GOLDBUGGY]

In my case we live very close to My Thai Wife's Family in a village and right next door to them. It wasn't panned that way, or her family supplying a plot of land to build a house on. We actually lived in a difference city than them. But some land came up for sale by an old couple here and at a good price, and since I wanted a farm we bought it. It was a complete surprise to my wife and her family. But there were delighted we decided to do this on our own. Nobody in the family pushed us or even knew my plan. 

 

I actually like my In-laws a lot and they have never been a problem for me. They live next door but I hardly ever see them. They never come over uninvited so when I do see them it is me that goes over their. Sometimes my wife gets into an argument with her younger sister by one year, or her mother, or both. I am sure there are time she wishes they lived on the moon. But not often and all in all she is very happy here. I think they all like these little spats. 

 

My Wife's Family helps a lot on the Farm with their equipment and labor. They never ask my wife for any payment. Come Harvest Time they skim a little fat off the top for themselves and for the fuel, which is okay by me. They don't take very much and mostly what they will eat in Rice for the year. So all in all it is a bargain for us and I appreciate their huge help.   

 

My Wife's Younger Brother moved back home last year as he decided to go to University closer to home to finish off his last year. I have read many nightmares here about that kind of situation. But to me he is a good kid and helps out a lot to. He does come here often, and watches TV, but I don't mind. He sits quietly on the sofa in another room and watches his Foot Ball as I have Satellite TV here and he doesn't at home.

 

He also has a house full their and sometimes a crying Baby, so I don't mind he comes here to get away from it all. I would to if I could. I have my own room with my own TV, so it is never a problems for me. He hasn't moved in, or ever will, and doesn't sleep over here ever. He has his own bed and knows where to find it. If he falls asleep on the sofa and forgets that, my wife reminds him and sends him home. 

 

So as a Farang I am happy with this situation and the help we get from her family. There is never a situation where I feel I am not part of this family or need to be invited to sit down and eat with them, or go with them where ever they are invited. I do feel part of this family and part of the the village I lived in for years now.     

[upside]

21 hours ago, JJGreen said:

JJ's rule # 13 of Thai dating.

Only date orphans

 

Genius. 

 

E =jj square. 

[upside]

33 minutes ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

In my case we live very close to My Thai Wife's Family in a village and right next door to them. It wasn't panned that way, or her family supplying a plot of land to build a house on. We actually lived in a difference city than them. But some land came up for sale by an old couple here and at a good price, and since I wanted a farm we bought it. It was a complete surprise to my wife and her family. But there were delighted we decided to do this on our own. Nobody in the family pushed us or even knew my plan. 

 

I actually like my In-laws a lot and they have never been a problem for me. They live next door but I hardly ever see them. They never come over uninvited so when I do see them it is me that goes over their. Sometimes my wife gets into an argument with her younger sister by one year, or her mother, or both. I am sure there are time she wishes they lived on the moon. But not often and all in all she is very happy here. I think they all like these little spats. 

 

My Wife's Family helps a lot on the Farm with their equipment and labor. They never ask my wife for any payment. Come Harvest Time they skim a little fat off the top for themselves and for the fuel, which is okay by me. They don't take very much and mostly what they will eat in Rice for the year. So all in all it is a bargain for us and I appreciate their huge help.   

 

My Wife's Younger Brother moved back home last year as he decided to go to University closer to home to finish off his last year. I have read many nightmares here about that kind of situation. But to me he is a good kid and helps out a lot to. He does come here often, and watches TV, but I don't mind. He sits quietly on the sofa in another room and watches his Foot Ball as I have Satellite TV here and he doesn't at home.

 

He also has a house full their and sometimes a crying Baby, so I don't mind he comes here to get away from it all. I would to if I could. I have my own room with my own TV, so it is never a problems for me. He hasn't moved in, or ever will, and doesn't sleep over here ever. He has his own bed and knows where to find it. If he falls asleep on the sofa and forgets that, my wife reminds him and sends him home. 

 

So as a Farang I am happy with this situation and the help we get from her family. There is never a situation where I feel I am not part of this family or need to be invited to sit down and eat with them, or go with them where ever they are invited. I do feel part of this family and part of the the village I lived in for years now.     

 

Sum it up in 2 to 3 sentences please. Ain't nobody got time for that. 

[4MyEgo]

Our marriage of 10 years has been nothing short of brilliant, because there can only be ONE family IMO,  and that is your own, as soon as you allow the other family in, you are toast, this I will state again, is my opinion, based on my experience/s, also through a previous marriage to a Greek, so it doesn't really matter on cultures, more so male ego's...lol.

 

She has her family in the same village, who in the beginning would apply all sorts of pressure to my wife, how does that song go; "it's all about the money, money, money"...... in other words, their hill billy mentality was quickly quashed by me, my wife had always been the go between, not wanting to upset them and not wanting me to flair up, so she would duck and weave, and now through my educating her, knows how to handle them a lot firmer, and knows that I am not interested in a lot of the cultural differences, e.g. when I heard that son in laws cannot talk back to their father-in-laws, I sorted that out quick smart, I said I am not Thai, and if he shows me disrespect then he will get what's coming to him, because in my family, dad would encourage us to put it on the table, calling a spade a spade, e.g. her father came over when we were building the house and argued with my Mrs at the top of his voice, telling her that she couldn't put toilets inside the house and that she had to have a pray room in the house, well that's when he got a serve from me, e.g. I said to the Mrs, tell him the door is that away, ( I don't speak fluent Thai), with me pointing in that direction, with all the workers watching, yes another falang raising his voice, as I beat my chest a few times to the Mrs in front of him, and said a few more words, like, if he wants to come here and look around, fine, but tell him if he's going to come here and start dictating to the builder and workers and to us, as to how he wants us to build our house, you can tell him to f-off from me, the Mrs didn't need to say a thing, he got the message load and clear, that is the 1st time that I knew that Thai's knew how to read sign language. I later found out that he told my Mrs, that he thought I had spunk and that I should be a good husband....lol.

 

Don't get me wrong, I always try to do my best to get on with anyone, including in-laws, but when you see how they treat their own, and what they put them through, it just ain't right, I certainly wouldn't do that to my kids, cultural difference or not.

 

I don't mix with her family, and no it's not sad, we also don't mix with my family when we return to the old country, parents on both sides are just miserable & interfering in my opinion, and if I ever turn out that way, I will ask the kids to shoot me. 

 

I do acknowledge them when ever I see them, and we smile and or nod the head, either at their place for a brief visit if I am picking up the kids or something for the Mrs or if they come over here for something, but it is rare both ways, I like it that way to be honest and my Mrs if fine with it as well, as she has told me many times, she can now breath in her life since we got married, she has her own place and can do as she pleases, although she still likes to help her parents out when she can, and that's fine, she doesn't lend or borrow money to anyone, including Aunties, Cousin's, Sister's etc etc, as she has learn't to say, I can't, me being the excuse, its just been one of my policies for a long time, burnt once, twice, thrice, no more, but you got to feel sorry for her sisters though, mind you they are all in their 30's have kids but no partners, which is not unusual in Issan, and I can see the conflict between the daughters and the parents, the control is still there, but if they can't stand up and break the cultural BS, in my opinion, then its not up to me to stick my nose in, is it.

 

So to answer your question, for me, the dark side of the moon for the in-laws is better, but if yours appear genuine, accept you and show you true friendship, then by all means, but I dare say it also has a lot to do with education, the higher the level, the better chances you have of acceptance Vs hill billies for the money, money, money. 

 

 

[swissie]

22 hours ago, JJGreen said:

JJ's rule # 13 of Thai dating.

Only date orphans

That's it ! Why didn't I think of that.

By using a "dating-site", indicating "orphans only" for example.
On second thought, better not. The many female Orphans that would respond would make my heart bleed with the effect, that I would spend all my holiday money on Orphanages.
Cheers.

 

[swissie]

39 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

Our marriage of 10 years has been nothing short of brilliant, because there can only be ONE family IMO,  and that is your own, as soon as you allow the other family in, you are toast, this I will state again, is my opinion, based on my experience/s, also through a previous marriage to a Greek, so it doesn't really matter on cultures, more so male ego's...lol.

 

She has her family in the same village, who in the beginning would apply all sorts of pressure to my wife, how does that song go; "it's all about the money, money, money"...... in other words, their hill billy mentality was quickly quashed by me, my wife had always been the go between, not wanting to upset them and not wanting me to flair up, so she would duck and weave, and now through my educating her, knows how to handle them a lot firmer, and knows that I am not interested in a lot of the cultural differences, e.g. when I heard that son in laws cannot talk back to their father-in-laws, I sorted that out quick smart, I said I am not Thai, and if he shows me disrespect then he will get what's coming to him, because in my family, dad would encourage us to put it on the table, calling a spade a spade, e.g. her father came over when we were building the house and argued with my Mrs at the top of his voice, telling her that she couldn't put toilets inside the house and that she had to have a pray room in the house, well that's when he got a serve from me, e.g. I said to the Mrs, tell him the door is that away, ( I don't speak fluent Thai), with me pointing in that direction, with all the workers watching, yes another falang raising his voice, as I beat my chest a few times to the Mrs in front of him, and said a few more words, like, if he wants to come here and look around, fine, but tell him if he's going to come here and start dictating to the builder and workers and to us, as to how he wants us to build our house, you can tell him to f-off from me, the Mrs didn't need to say a thing, he got the message load and clear, that is the 1st time that I knew that Thai's knew how to read sign language. I later found out that he told my Mrs, that he thought I had spunk and that I should be a good husband....lol.

 

Don't get me wrong, I always try to do my best to get on with anyone, including in-laws, but when you see how they treat their own, and what they put them through, it just ain't right, I certainly wouldn't do that to my kids, cultural difference or not.

 

I don't mix with her family, and no it's not sad, we also don't mix with my family when we return to the old country, parents on both sides are just miserable & interfering in my opinion, and if I ever turn out that way, I will ask the kids to shoot me. 

 

I do acknowledge them when ever I see them, and we smile and or nod the head, either at their place for a brief visit if I am picking up the kids or something for the Mrs or if they come over here for something, but it is rare both ways, I like it that way to be honest and my Mrs if fine with it as well, as she has told me many times, she can now breath in her life since we got married, she has her own place and can do as she pleases, although she still likes to help her parents out when she can, and that's fine, she doesn't lend or borrow money to anyone, including Aunties, Cousin's, Sister's etc etc, as she has learn't to say, I can't, me being the excuse, its just been one of my policies for a long time, burnt once, twice, thrice, no more, but you got to feel sorry for her sisters though, mind you they are all in their 30's have kids but no partners, which is not unusual in Issan, and I can see the conflict between the daughters and the parents, the control is still there, but if they can't stand up and break the cultural BS, in my opinion, then its not up to me to stick my nose in, is it.

 

So to answer your question, for me, the dark side of the moon for the in-laws is better, but if yours appear genuine, accept you and show you true friendship, then by all means, but I dare say it also has a lot to do with education, the higher the level, the better chances you have of acceptance Vs hill billies for the money, money, money. 

 

 

So it's rather the dark side of the moon, I take it. 

But so far, you handled it well, I dare to say.

Cheers.

[georgemandm]

13 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

My in laws are great, I love them to bits. We live in the same village but not on the family land. They are in no way a burden to us and they deal with there own affairs without needing our help. I think there is a stigma attached to ' marrying the family' in Thailand that isn't always justified.

Your joking yes , you come last ok the family and the dogs come before you .

[louse1953]

2 hours ago, georgemandm said:

Your joking yes , you come last ok the family and the dogs come before you .

Don't ever think your situation applies to others.

[georgemandm]

28 minutes ago, louse1953 said:

Don't ever think your situation applies to others.

No because that is how it is here 

if believe it is not then your like most    Foreigners who come here and  leave there brains at The airport.

[Paul Catton]

4 hours ago, georgemandm said:

Your joking yes , you come last ok the family and the dogs come before you .

 

1 hour ago, louse1953 said:

Don't ever think your situation applies to others.

 

43 minutes ago, georgemandm said:

No because that is how it is here 

if believe it is not then your like most    Foreigners who come here and  leave there brains at The airport.

Complete and utter diatribe.

If, you have landed yourself with an extended family of rogues, thieves and vagabonds, without moral compass which also you could also encounter anywhere worldwide, suggest you question your own acumen first.

In this instance I might suggest there was no brain to begin with for loss at the airport.

[starky]

7 hours ago, GOLDBUGGY said:

In my case we live very close to My Thai Wife's Family in a village and right next door to them. It wasn't panned that way, or her family supplying a plot of land to build a house on. We actually lived in a difference city than them. But some land came up for sale by an old couple here and at a good price, and since I wanted a farm we bought it. It was a complete surprise to my wife and her family. But there were delighted we decided to do this on our own. Nobody in the family pushed us or even knew my plan. 

 

I actually like my In-laws a lot and they have never been a problem for me. They live next door but I hardly ever see them. They never come over uninvited so when I do see them it is me that goes over their. Sometimes my wife gets into an argument with her younger sister by one year, or her mother, or both. I am sure there are time she wishes they lived on the moon. But not often and all in all she is very happy here. I think they all like these little spats. 

 

My Wife's Family helps a lot on the Farm with their equipment and labor. They never ask my wife for any payment. Come Harvest Time they skim a little fat off the top for themselves and for the fuel, which is okay by me. They don't take very much and mostly what they will eat in Rice for the year. So all in all it is a bargain for us and I appreciate their huge help.   

 

My Wife's Younger Brother moved back home last year as he decided to go to University closer to home to finish off his last year. I have read many nightmares here about that kind of situation. But to me he is a good kid and helps out a lot to. He does come here often, and watches TV, but I don't mind. He sits quietly on the sofa in another room and watches his Foot Ball as I have Satellite TV here and he doesn't at home.

 

He also has a house full their and sometimes a crying Baby, so I don't mind he comes here to get away from it all. I would to if I could. I have my own room with my own TV, so it is never a problems for me. He hasn't moved in, or ever will, and doesn't sleep over here ever. He has his own bed and knows where to find it. If he falls asleep on the sofa and forgets that, my wife reminds him and sends him home. 

 

So as a Farang I am happy with this situation and the help we get from her family. There is never a situation where I feel I am not part of this family or need to be invited to sit down and eat with them, or go with them where ever they are invited. I do feel part of this family and part of the the village I lived in for years now.     

Without being facetious then, so your "Thai wife" has a family just like a family everywhere else in the world. Some good, some bad, the occasional fight, some are greedy, some aren't, some drink some are teetotallers.  So I guess what your saying is they are normal people. Which really makes wonder why there is thread after thread after thread on here constantly deriding Thai people and painting them with ridiculous stereotypes all whilst coming up with witty replies like "I'm just looking for a slim petite sterile orphan to look after me in my old age". No wonder so many have relationship problems here.