Side Effects of Marrying a Much Older Man

[Rodjrin]

14 hours ago, upside said:

 

Funny you mention Joan Collins as well preserved,  she's been dead for over a year. 

And though humorous, slightly misleading. I think you'll find Joan Collins is fighting fit and that it was her sister, Jackie, who passed away.

[amykat]

11 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

   My point was that females find wealth attractive, more so than good looks .

Also, this thread is about felang guys in Thailand , nothing to do with when you were at school and your situation or the situation in your home country 

 

Well I think you have conveniently forgotten the point you started arguing with me, which was about women being SEXUALLY different than men, not caring about looks and age, and you seeming to think women are sexually attracted to money/men's cars, etc.

 

You keep switching the examples back and forth from Western situations to here when it suits you and then try to eliminate me from the conversation when I make a good point. 

 

I already agreed with the men here about relationships and money being an issue. I disagree with other aspects and think women are skilled at making their "much older and if ugly" men feel good about themselves, that "we women" don't care about these things.  Just like you men lie to us and say you never look at other women/never cheat, never talk locker room talk, or whatever standard lies some of you engage in.

[realenglish1]

I don't believe it  I am 63 My girlfriend is 37 and we have been together for 9 years Had some fights but then everyone does

We seem to be good together

She makes me happy and I know I make her happy

So then whats the difference Age for the most part is just a number Maturity on all levels is the key here not age

 

[Pilotman]

14 hours ago, sanemax said:

 

    Now, be honest, you wouldnt be extremely rich would you .

If you actually have, then you really need to stop listening to younger girls conversions .

If you spent all your time listening to the opinions of girls in pubs in central Newcastle you would get a very distorted view of the views of the whole of UK females. 

[Jools]

I'm 66 and my fiancee is 37. I often wonder how she really feels about me. She has a sales job and works very long hours and does have a college degree. She's not a hooker, but I certainly end up paying for many items which she could not afford. She treats me really well but I do wonder what the situation will be later on. I find it difficult to believe that she is  sexually attracted to an old goat like me,but I don't give it too much thought. I just enjoy the relationship. Thinking too much is deadly in Thailand.

[sanemax]

5 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

.

 

You keep switching the examples back and forth from Western situations to here when it suits you and then try to eliminate me from the conversation when I make a good point. 

 

 

 

   Maybe you are getting me mixed up with someone else .

Other posters keep referring to Western situations and although I have replied to those posts , I have stated that this thread isnt about Western situations and could we stick to the thread topic .

   So, I am just replying to other peoples posts and its not me who is switching examples , but anyway, my examples still hold true for Thai woman, just as it does for Western woman

[khunpa]

While living here I once lived in a house next to an old german guy and his much younger Thai-girlfriend.

 

My wife often talked with her, because the girl had many problems with her partner (him treating her like Shxt) She often wanted out of the relationship, but was under strong pressure from her family to keep in living with him, so she could support them. The times she did want to get away, she was refused to come back to the family.

 

When we left the area, she was still living with him and you could clearly see the sadness in her face. My wife says she is still there and holding out hoping the guy will just die soon, because her family (mainly her mother) does not want her to leave him. The greed and cruelty of some Thai-families never stops to amaze me. And nor does the way some Farangs threat their partner.

 

Is she experiencing "side-effects"? I am pretty sure! 

 

 

 

 

[sanemax]

15 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Well I think you have conveniently forgotten the point you started arguing with me, which was about women being SEXUALLY different than men, not caring about looks and age, and you seeming to think women are sexually attracted to money/men's cars, etc.

 

You keep switching the examples back and forth from Western situations to here when it suits you and then try to eliminate me from the conversation when I make a good point. 

 

 

 

   There is some confusion .

This thread was about Thai females marrying older Felangs Males in Thailand , a poster then used an example about Western females in the West looking for a one night stand .

   Two very different situations and it has led to some crossed wires

[khunpa]

17 minutes ago, realenglish1 said:

I don't believe it  I am 63 My girlfriend is 37 and we have been together for 9 years Had some fights but then everyone does

We seem to be good together

She makes me happy and I know I make her happy

So then whats the difference Age for the most part is just a number Maturity on all levels is the key here not age

 

 

Great you are both happy and I am sure those relationships do exist.

 

Just wondering if you would say/think the same, if she was 89 years old?

 

 

[realenglish1]

5 minutes ago, khunpa said:

 

Great you are both happy and I am sure those relationships do exist.

 

Just wondering if you would say/think the same, if she was 89 years old?

 

 

If everyone was happy then sure why not. Love is Love

[Docno]

18 hours ago, khunpa said:

Imagine you marrying a 30 year older woman and having to live with her every day for years, just to be able to survive and send some money back to your parents. 

 

I think any normal person would go insane at some point. But of course the older men here, who are married to women that could be their daughters, would disagree. But I am sure they would never themselves want to live or have sex with a 30 year older person. 

 

"True love" in these (Grand) Daddy / Daughter relationships are extremely rare, in my opinion. Which also often shows, when the money runs out. And of course it impacts the women involved. Imagine you bringing home and showing your friends a Grand Mother-Girlfriend. They all know why you are with her, which would make anyone normal person sick, when thinking closer about it. I doubt the girls feel great about it... In ALL ways.

 

I know this will be hard to swallow for the Grand Dads here. But I do not care. If you are running around with a 30-40 year younger Thai-girl and you believe she really loves being with you, then you are simply stupid, naive as hell and living in Fantasy Land.

 

If you do not agree on that, then go have sex with a 30-40 year older woman and lets hear how much you enjoyed that. At least I can understand the men who find a much younger partner and inside knows/accepts, what it is really all about. But the guys who believe a 20-30 year old girl, really loves being with a 50-70 year old man are simply lost mentally.

 

 

 

You are mistakenly assuming that the primary interests of the two genders are identical when, in fact, research conducted around the world shows that they are not. In every population studied, men prefer younger women while women prefer older men (I don't mean 20 years older, but I'll come to that). There are solid evolutionary reasons for this that I won't go into. Men value good looks much more than women, while women place more value on resources (or earning potential), kindness, ability to protect, and indicators of intelligence (which mat be a proxy for earning potential). [There are some added complexities if you are looking at preferences in a long term partner vs a casual partner, but again I won't digress]. I could write pages on this stuff, but I'll just say that asking a man to envisage being with a woman 30 years older than himself is apples-and-oranges because men and women are looking for different things in their partners. And given what both genders are looking for, there is no reason that a younger woman could not be perfectly happy with a much older man, but the reverse is much less likely.

 

Today I visited the house of a young 70-year-old American friend and his 29 year old wife (and their two kids, aged 3 and 1). They are as happy as any couple I've seen.      

[amykat]

11 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

   There is some confusion .

This thread was about Thai females marrying older Felangs Males in Thailand , a poster then used an example about Western females in the West looking for a one night stand .

   Two very different situations and it has led to some crossed wires

 

No, Bullshit ... I never said Western females at all, YOU did.  And look at the title of this thread.  There is no restriction about Thailand nor about Farangs specifically.  This topic can be discussed in general ...women who marry older men ...women and sexual attraction ...do you think Thai women and Western women have different laws of physical attraction on a scientific level?

 

Why are you trying to control everybody?

[ScotBkk]

Joan Collins is 83 and still very much alive today! :
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Collins

Joan Collins
Do you know the difference between Joan Collins and a Kit- Kat ?
You can only get 5 fingers in a Kit-Kat !!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JaseTheBass]

15 hours ago, upside said:

 

Funny you mention Joan Collins as well preserved,  she's been dead for over a year. 

 

Somebody should tell her, as she seems to think she's still alive.

[JLCrab]

4 minutes ago, JaseTheBass said:

 

Somebody should tell her, as she seems to think she's still alive.

Try Jackie Collins, Joan's sister and now deceased pot-boiler author.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_Collins

[Tony125]

1 hour ago, sanemax said:

 

   My point was that females find wealth attractive, more so than good looks .

Also, this thread is about felang guys in Thailand , nothing to do with when you were at school and your situation or the situation in your home country 

Tired of seeing you writing "felang"  the word is "Farang"

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=farang

[KhonKaenKowboy]

How come Mary and Joseph are the most celebrated couple in History, if age differences matter so much?  Was it 12 and 92?

[SaintLouisBlues]

1 minute ago, KhonKaenKowboy said:

How come Mary and Joseph are the most celebrated couple in History, if age differences matter so much?  Was it 12 and 92?

I'm thinking Rupert and Wendi

[sanemax]

13 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

No, Bullshit ... I never said Western females at all, YOU did. 

 

  I didnt say that YOU said "Western Females", I stated that a "poster" did , I didnt state WHICH poster, because I cannot remember who posted it,  BUT , I didnt say that you did !!!!!

   A poster mentioned Donald Trump and Kissinger and whether females would be attracted to them and thats when I replied with Western female examples , because Trump and Kissinger live in USA and not Thailand

[KhonKaenKowboy]

I wasn't much more than 33 the first time I slept with a grandma, and neither was she.  I must admit it being a big wakeup call on adulthood. 

[fishbrando]

2 hours ago, khunpa said:

If my 19 year old daughter came home with a 60 year old boyfriend, I for sure would wonder what went wrong and I would be sad for her. (even if he was super rich).

 

What if he were Mel Gibson (age 60)?

[sanemax]

25 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

 And look at the title of this thread.  There is no restriction about Thailand nor about Farangs specifically.  This topic can be discussed in general ...women who marry older men ...women and sexual attraction ...do you think Thai women and Western women have different laws of physical attraction on a scientific level?

 

Why are you trying to control everybody?

 

  Although this is a Thai centric forum and the topic of this thread specifically deals with older felang guys  and younger Thai females .

   I do believe that generally Females are attracted to wealth, more so than good looks, the world over .

Although in richer Countries it is less apparent because most First World Western Females are either self supportive or they receive social gov benefits .

   But this thread is about Thai Females, who generally cannot support themselves and receive no gov benefits and their attraction to richer Western guys .

   I have no idea why you are saying that I am trying to control everybody .

[sanemax]

17 minutes ago, Tony125 said:

Tired of seeing you writing "felang"  the word is "Farang"

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=farang

 

   Its the Northern Thai accent I speak with , thats how its pronounced up here

[madusa]

On 10/10/2016 at 1:37 AM, KhonKaenKowboy said:

How come Mary and Joseph are the most celebrated couple in History, if age differences matter so much?  Was it 12 and 92?

KhonKaenKowboy, from what I understand Mary was pregnant at 15, she was about to be stoned for adultery( they buried her up to the neck ready to stone her according to the law at that time). Joseph saved her by taking her in as his wife.

But when Mary told the story of angel Gabriel's visit and declared herself a virgin, the jewish elders asked two of their mid-wives to check on her. One after another these 2 mid-wives put their fingers into her vagina and found Mary hymen was still intact despite being pregnant.

Oh, Joseph was not 92, he was something like 72,  the 92 year old guy was Abraham. Abraham was 92 when Sarah his wife got pregnant. It was said Abraham ate lots of desert honey (from a special breed of bees) this was very potent 10 times the power of your today's viagra and no bad side effects. May be if you go to Yemen today, you go to the remote area you could possibly buy some of these honey from the tribes men, that is if you survive the trip.

[amykat]

23 minutes ago, Docno said:

 

You are mistakenly assuming that the primary interests of the two genders are identical when, in fact, research conducted around the world shows that they are not. In every population studied, men prefer younger women while women prefer older men (I don't mean 20 years older, but I'll come to that). There are solid evolutionary reasons for this that I won't go into. Men value good looks much more than women, while women place more value on resources (or earning potential), kindness, ability to protect, and indicators of intelligence (which mat be a proxy for earning potential). [There are some added complexities if you are looking at preferences in a long term partner vs a casual partner, but again I won't digress]. I could write pages on this stuff, but I'll just say that asking a man to envisage being with a woman 30 years older than himself is apples-and-oranges because men and women are looking for different things in their partners. And given what both genders are looking for, there is no reason that a younger woman could not be perfectly happy with a much older man, but the reverse is much less likely.

 

Today I visited the house of a young 70-year-old American friend and his 29 year old wife (and their two kids, aged 3 and 1). They are as happy as any couple I've seen.      

 

Don't you think it would be pertinent to this kind of long term research to discuss the fact that men have had the power over all the resources and earning potential forever and women were stuck at home, saddled with 10 children, had no birth control, etc?  So wouldn't women have been forced to have evolved to value certain things in such a manner while men have had the luxury to value what actually comes natural for them?

As we can see, as the financial power between men and women becomes more balanced, some men feel "left out" and resentful.  Some men move to SE Asia and seek to find the same power imbalance their grandfather's had in a family relationship but without the 10 kids.

Do you think if this "study" were to begin in an truly equal society, and then run for 100 years, that the results would be the same?

 

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Some men move to SE Asia and seek to find the same power imbalance their grandfather's had in a family relationship but without the 10 kids.

 

 

 

   Some men move to SE Asia because the Females are feminine and they act like Females, unlike Western Females who act quite masculine .

[happy Joe]

We may be old ourselves and not long endure the company of other old.

 

This was exactly my case. Honestly, I came to Thailand to continue a life of joyful single and especially avoid pensioners clubs of any kind.

 

Note that I have always lived like a grasshopper and do not have any economy. Fortunately, my pension still allows me to live here decently.

 

The surprise was that young GF beginning were OK with me and generally wished to settle in my furniture.

 

A nice day (or rather night ) one of them, finest, more sedate but still 30 years younger and Pattaya Gogo-girl wanted too. So I left out all my principles and we married.

 

For almost 6 years now.

 

And all is fine.

[Mekong Thunder]

4 hours ago, amykat said:

 

Would this be because younger women are blind and dumb?  Or because they are smart and sensitive to the "old ugly" man and make him FEEL this way?

Do you have a partner in Thailand then?

[khunPer]

Op asks:

»I know it's a controversial topic around here, and perhaps a bit repetitive. But I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts on the issue, specifically related to how it impacts the women involved. Hopefully a focused discussion will create new responses.«

 

I'm not married (never been), but my Thai girlfriend for 12+ years is 32 years younger than me – we've been together since she was 22 years old.

 

Only the girls – or ladies – can tell for sure, what it's like to have a longer relationship with a much older gentlemen; we males can only consider and guess.

 

All over the World I see young ladies with elder men; however those we mainly see in the news, and read about in papers and magazines, are the famous or rich – preferably both – men, with extremely attractive young (often blond) chicks. I have a feeling, that in the West it's acceptable or cool, when you (the man) are something (famous and/or rich); whilst if you are "nobody", you're just "an old pig"..!

 

In Western countries the "old pig rule" normally is half-your-age plus 7, i.e. if you are 50 you shall be interested in ladies 32 years old and up. In Southeast Asia there seem to be other rules – which some 60+ year old gentlemen makes use of when introducing their 18-year-and-one-day-old new fiancee – and it's not only Westerners dating much younger women.

 

From what I have heard, many a village-girl – many, if not most, of the girls dating Westerners are village ladies – have learned, that it's better when a husband is elder and more mature, and can provide for a family. I think that being together with or marrying an older man is not that "far out" here, as it is the Western countries. On top of that comes the "lottery coupon", where the young lady can find a shortcut to, if not wealth, then a way upgraded life-style by being together with a mature partner. I've seen a number – if not many – of Thai marriages, where the husband has a young "mia noi" (little wife) that is taken well care off; however also seen Farang-Thai marriages where the much young Thai wife has a little "gik" (lover)..!

 

Completely unscientific – because I don't know about any statistics – I think that there are more Thai-Thai break-ups between young-young couples, than ladies with an elder husband; it's extremely normal to hear about broken Thai relationships or marriages, but quite often it's unregistered village-marriages, and in many cases it leaves the ex-wife alone with one or more kids to take care of. Some of these ladies are quite young – as it's a habit in many a village that girls shall be married when around 15 to 18 years old, some villages even at younger age – and many of these young ladies need to find a provider to take care of both their child and often helping parent also, as that is expected as girls duty in the family. I've met many girls in their early twenties, or younger, dreaming about "the knight on the white horse", him being a foreign man, in his early 40'ies , not married, and no children – often I've seen them ending up with slightly elder men.

 

What goes wrong – because as OP says, I've also noticed a number of ladies with an elderly foreign partner has broken up – I think there can be many reasons, but difference in culture might be very important; herunder the man's role as provider. I know a number of Thai ladies that has been married and moved abroad with their farang husband, and often that experience was not what the lady expected; after a few to some years it goes wrong. I also have "younger Thai and elder farang" friends that settled in Thailand and after a number of years break up – I presume that after some years the once fairly young-at-heart elderly farang is not that young-at-heart anymore; however the ladies also often mention allowance or money as the problem. One kicked her 70+ year old husband out, when he did not want to come up with additional 3 million baht for her business, she said to me, that if he did not wish to pay, why should she keep him – she did have the 3 million herself, but is looking for another farang husband. I also know one, who is now with her second farang-husband, complaining about she brought half a million baht in cash savings from her former marriage into the new, and now she need to use her savings as the allowance became smaller; therefore she seriously considering a divorce, even she has a child with her second farang. Some try to stick to their farang as long as possible, even the relationship includes numerous problems – I have some close friends – and when the finally may break-up, because it seem like ending up that way, the young lady will have lost some of her attractive youth, and shall be of an age where it's (much) more difficult to find a new "handsum" farang.

 

"You cannot buy love for money, but you can but something that looks exactly like it..."

 

In my view, with now some 15 years Thai-experience, a foreign-Thai relationship or marriage is based on a combination of money – mening, providing for family, sometimes even extended family – and love – meaning being able to live together, then love slowly grows, from the female side. I think if it's "hasip-hasip" – i.e. 50 percent sensible proving for family, and 50 percent passion and being able to live together – it will work well; can be plus/minus either side, but hardly 100 percent one side only. I've meet young – and very young – girls talking about some farang they love so much, but as he can not provide, they cannot stay together; they looked little sad when telling, but also very cleared about their situation; however one cried. Then I hear, also from some of the same girls, that their farang – from a few to often a number of years older – him they don't love, but they can stay with him; and I have noticed that these girl's partner in many cases adore and love his Thai wife so much, and is willing to do almost whatever to make her happy. As long as "the game" works to both parts satisfaction, the relationship works, but when one part falls out of the role, it goes utterly wrong.

 

As I said, I cannot talk of behalf of the girls; I can only listen, look, and presume. Even about my own, I think quite long lasting 32-year-age-difference Thai-relationship, I can only presume – and hope it's true, when my lovely girlfriend tells me that she's so happy and cannot wish for more – but both of us are clear about that our relationship is a combination between common sense and providing, and being able to to live and have (lots of) fun together; we also have a child to complete us as a family. Part of our agreement also is, that I'll take care of my girlfriend while I'm "young", and she will take care of me, when I get old. Being settled in Thailand I see as a huge benefit, as it's difficult to move a Thai to a different culture in a strange foreign country. Furthermore we have agreed to base our relationship on honesty and open talk – I made for example clear from beginning what I can afford, and what I would, and especially what I would not; like providing for the "extended lazy family" one often hear about in horror-stories – It seem to have worked well for long time, I hope it shall continue...

 

However, a relationship or marriage is a question of balance – the right balance – and as we are all individuals, what may work fine for me, may go very wrong for others...

[khunpa]

58 minutes ago, fishbrando said:

 

What if he were Mel Gibson (age 60)?

 

Honestly, it would make no difference. A 19 year old girl should not be with a 60 year old man. Most are not and there is a natural reason for that.

 

(Please remember this is MY personal opinion. I am sure there are loads of 60 year old men out there, who believe something else)