my gf want me to buy her a house.

[elliss]

On 10/19/2016 at 8:14 PM, oldhippy said:

There are some striking resemblances (good and bad) between the social security system back home, and the role of the foreign husband in Thailand.

 

 

       Immigrants take  /  Aliens  gives . 555

      

[laislica]

4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

??????? How can there be no notification of death? You think she can just leave the body in a cupboard?

 

For the last 8 years, a freezer was a good choice?

 

 

[Dumbastheycome]

1 hour ago, laislica said:

 

 

You also posted:-

"Which is why I say "don't get married, don't buy the house unless the OP can afford to give the money away".

I am on record on TV many, many times saying never buy, rent. I was just thinking that if he wants to give someone that much money, he should be giving it to his wife, even though I have become anti marriage since my divorce."

 

Hmmmm, in your opinion then?

It takes two to tango, did you consider that you may also have been part of the problem that resulted in divorce?

There other posters who say that they know other chaps that just walked away from everything and were just happy to have their freedom.

IMHO, marriage is not something to just leap blindly into and once married, it takes time, patience and courage to find the necessary compromises to settle into a trusting and happy relationship.

IMO, Trust is earned and is not a right.

The OP has had 7 happy years together and must have the cash available cos he is asking how to protect the cash.

So I don't see this as a big deal.

 

I hope you get over your bitter thoughts soon and live a happy and fun filled life.

 

@Deepinthailand:

I too was a poor working class in my home country.

I worked hard and saved money to give me a better pension in my old age.

I walked away from a hell of a lot more that that after about 11 years with my toxic ex Brit g/f.

So no longer rich then LOL

 

 

 

 

The whole issue of this debate about the the original  question of the OP  reveals no  real surprises. Generalizations are in the  majority  negative. And based on a lack of trust. To me that indicates a  disingenuos intent at start which  naturally is likely to progress towards  a failure in relationship. Further to that is that  although  blame is  nominated to the other it is just as likely that the cause is equally likely to have been initiated  by the poster who is refusing  or incapable  of admitting  it.

Demonstration of genuine  commitment is not necessarily   about money  although a  degree of sufficiency is obviously important.

Cultural norms which can be viewed with suspicion  because they  contradict western  norms can create some stresses if  not understood each way. They  can also be a tool of  manipulation directly or indirectly.

"When in Rome  do as the Romans  do ! " is  an old advisory.  But I prefer " If I am  to  live  in Rome, explain to me  how Romans expect to  live".

7 years is  not a short or long time. The "7 year itch "  is brought to   my mind  and I  wonder  who is sufferring  it  perhaps?

Is  that why the OP says  " my girlfriend wants  me to  buy  "her" a  house?  Not  " buy  >us< a house?

Camping  out  for 7 years should   be a question .

At the end of the day the issue is down to the  OP because regardless of what  anyone says here it is  for the OP to decide....commit  or ?

 

 

 

 

 

[elliss]

1 hour ago, laislica said:

 

For the last 8 years, a freezer was a good choice?

 

 

 

     People  Thai  have good brain ,   freezer  /  electric ,  cost money , pang .

              Thing same people  Thai ,     farlang .   555

[Straight8]

On 16/10/2016 at 4:55 AM, AYJAYDEE said:

and yet another who just doesn't get it!! If she had not met him, she quite likely would have met a guy who is not afraid of commitment like this guy so obviously is.

 

Yet another one who thinks they know it all.

 

Unbelievable!!!!

[Straight8]

On 16/10/2016 at 10:40 AM, AYJAYDEE said:

obviously, you don't know the meaning of real commitment. it has nothing to do with spending money ON someone.

 

Oh please doctor love god!!!

 

 

[Straight8]

On 19/10/2016 at 1:10 AM, tomyumchai said:

Back when i was green and nieve i dated a girl from udon thani. On my 4th visit to the village then grandmother barked a load of crap at me when i arrived and my girlfriend stupidly (but much to my advantage) translated it.

"Why this stupid foreigner come to the village again? Tell him to build us a house this time or dont come again". That was probably the game changer that showed me what theyre truely like and a decade later ive still not been taken for a mug.

.....she found her mug, in australia!

 

Well granny, just tell me how you like it and it will up in a week!!

 

Respect!!

[gk10002000]

typically, and my friend went through this, the GF is being coached by friends, family etc.  I don't have a big problem with her looking out for herself or her family as is often very typical.  But to just go buy a house, of which you will have basically no legal rights to live in, or sell if you want?  One sided contracts rarely are good things.  There are so many bad scenarios where you get kicked out of the house, one allegation to the local authorities that you "beat or abused her" and at the very least you are out the property is an example.  The suggestion that you buy a condo or lease a condo sounds like a better idea to me.  Of course that can be a bit difficult if you are talking really rural country Issan.

[laislica]

6 hours ago, Dumbastheycome said:

The whole issue of this debate about the the original  question of the OP  reveals no  real surprises. Generalizations are in the  majority  negative. And based on a lack of trust. To me that indicates a  disingenuos intent at start which  naturally is likely to progress towards  a failure in relationship. Further to that is that  although  blame is  nominated to the other it is just as likely that the cause is equally likely to have been initiated  by the poster who is refusing  or incapable  of admitting  it.

Demonstration of genuine  commitment is not necessarily   about money  although a  degree of sufficiency is obviously important.

Cultural norms which can be viewed with suspicion  because they  contradict western  norms can create some stresses if  not understood each way. They  can also be a tool of  manipulation directly or indirectly.

"When in Rome  do as the Romans  do ! " is  an old advisory.  But I prefer " If I am  to  live  in Rome, explain to me  how Romans expect to  live".

7 years is  not a short or long time. The "7 year itch "  is brought to   my mind  and I  wonder  who is sufferring  it  perhaps?

Is  that why the OP says  " my girlfriend wants  me to  buy  "her" a  house?  Not  " buy  >us< a house?

Camping  out  for 7 years should   be a question .

At the end of the day the issue is down to the  OP because regardless of what  anyone says here it is  for the OP to decide....commit  or ?

 

 

I think that we are on about the same page.

You say " the OP says  " my girlfriend wants  me to  buy  "her" a  house?  Not  " buy  >us< a house? "

In the Thai language, I think that my can also mean we.

 

As you know, we farang cannot own land.

We are limited to a condo or renting land and then building a house that we own.

Good luck selling that house later .

My mind boggles at the problems that anyone who bought it would have.

 

Indeed, as Khon Kaen Dave said in post 184:

Being entitled to 50% and actually getting it,are 2 very different things.As i said in my former post regarding this situation.In every village,there is a head man,whom with a little financial encouragement from the young lady,will make it perfectly clear to the ferang,that he would stay more healthy if he was to just leave.

What real chance do you think hes got of getting anything if its on her family's land.

 

Also, Bamukloy, post 189 said:

As others have said..you might get the ruling, but its another thing to force a sale and get half the money.

Theres a good reason these houses are always built on family land..

 

This quote can go both ways:

We teach others how to treat us. ~ Anonymous

 

 

 

[naboo]

Seven years. Maybe when the girl met the OP, she had her youth. Seven years later, maybe she is starting to fade, starting to think if this one goes bust she will be on her own.

 

Women look for security. A house in the village is security, they can sustain themselves with a house in the village. The OP should be a gentleman and give her that security. It's 400,000B, and he very likely will have a countryside retreat to head to once in a while.

 

As for quality, 400,000B will get you a good standard concrete 100sqm house, not Western standard, but a decent roof. With some consideration for ventilation, it might not bake in the sun. My advice would be to look at the wooden house already there and see if the wood can be reclaimed. A part wooden house can be cooler.

[oldhippy]

34 minutes ago, naboo said:

Seven years. Maybe when the girl met the OP, she had her youth. Seven years later, maybe she is starting to fade, starting to think if this one goes bust she will be on her own.

 

 

At long last, a voice of reason.

 

Yes, some women (and their families) will try to rip us of right from the start, and some others feel entitled to a share of our wealth.

 

But if a younger woman marries an older foreigner, she might very well end up with nothing in the end.

That could be when the foreigner wants fresh meat, when he dies of old age, or when the marriage just simply doesn't work.

The young woman will be old by this time, with no future.

 

How to know what type of woman you are marrying? Impossible of course, but be aware of red flags and do not overestimate your hansum man qualities.

And after all, we are talking about rather small amounts of money, and most of us have a social security system in our own countries to fall back on.

[realenglish1]

What 6 years for the passion to die down Then See if you want to buy her a house

 

 

[oldhippy]

3 minutes ago, realenglish1 said:

What 6 years for the passion to die down Then See if you want to buy her a house

 

 

After all, it's all about the man isn't it, the woman only plays an assisting role.

 

[473geo]

Dear DeepinThailand

 

Somebody once commented on the fact my boss had bought a new expensive car:

'Wow nice expensive car"  he says "You are wealthy man"

Boss replies "Not now, spent my money on an expensive car"

 

 

For me life has never been about how much you have, or do not have, in the bank

Fortunately my wife is better with money than I am

 

Pleased you are going well long may it continue

[kevkev1888]

Ok so I have not really read the thread. 

 

However, this is the only answer: If you are happy to do this and walk away with nothing at the end then do it!

 

You can get a 30 year least etc etc, but at the end of the day if the relationship ends, you will not be able to stay there, you WILL walk away with nothing 100% guaranteed. 

 

[Chalard]

On 22/10/2016 at 4:53 AM, gk10002000 said:

typically, and my friend went through this, the GF is being coached by friends, family etc.  I don't have a big problem with her looking out for herself or her family as is often very typical.  But to just go buy a house, of which you will have basically no legal rights to live in, or sell if you want?  One sided contracts rarely are good things.  There are so many bad scenarios where you get kicked out of the house, one allegation to the local authorities that you "beat or abused her" and at the very least you are out the property is an example.  The suggestion that you buy a condo or lease a condo sounds like a better idea to me.  Of course that can be a bit difficult if you are talking really rural country Issan.

 

The girl is from down south, not Issân.  Maybe not as shrewd..!!!

[madmax6889]

hmm this is just typical monkey business here. its not your business.

you having a better house wouldn't be their business would it??

 

do as they do...

say look i cant spare that.. they should work hard and save and work to make a nicer house if the ask you to help manually sure do it.. but thats it .

know the culture you are in.

 

i was born in a society where people lived in harsh conditions. not as poor as thailand when it comes to personal property/edcation ect... but much harsher from a social, political and environmental point of view.

no man would ask by proxy for his daughter to get his son-in-law to fix him up a new house. hed lose his manhood.. but also no son inlaw would wish to see his father in law sonless and living poorlly... family honor all that things.

 

but in thailand you dont have close family ties or strong cultural bonds tieing you to a home or to her family or her to yours.

their house is their business.not yours.. they would never gift it to your. they can live as they always had.. the money she has been saving while she is taken care of by you could be used by her to fix it.

 

know the culture you are in, here marriage or family are expendable money is the cause of most ills. and your inlaws are nothing to you in thailand. how many thais do you see lovingly caring for their inlaws. even their own blood relatives its a battle of money only.

 

you are just a coin in the pocket for them.

 

tell the youll help with some handy work if they buy materials. then you can see them better for who they are.if they work nice and are nice company maybe spend a few 1000snd bht of nails and sheet iron and insulation ect. but thats it.

 

 

 

[bentarm44]

my 3 times divorced buddy from san diego once described marriage as:

" find a woman you can't live the rest of your life with, then buy her a house '' 

 

California, Issan, England, Japan etc; spot the difference.

 

 

[Deepinthailand]

1 hour ago, bentarm44 said:

my 3 times divorced buddy from san diego once described marriage as:

" find a woman you can't live the rest of your life with, then buy her a house '' 

 

California, Issan, England, Japan etc; spot the difference.

 

 

Ah another friend said post lol

[Deepinthailand]

5 hours ago, madmax6889 said:

hmm this is just typical monkey business here. its not your business.

you having a better house wouldn't be their business would it??

 

do as they do...

say look i cant spare that.. they should work hard and save and work to make a nicer house if the ask you to help manually sure do it.. but thats it .

know the culture you are in.

 

i was born in a society where people lived in harsh conditions. not as poor as thailand when it comes to personal property/edcation ect... but much harsher from a social, political and environmental point of view.

no man would ask by proxy for his daughter to get his son-in-law to fix him up a new house. hed lose his manhood.. but also no son inlaw would wish to see his father in law sonless and living poorlly... family honor all that things.

 

but in thailand you dont have close family ties or strong cultural bonds tieing you to a home or to her family or her to yours.

their house is their business.not yours.. they would never gift it to your. they can live as they always had.. the money she has been saving while she is taken care of by you could be used by her to fix it.

 

know the culture you are in, here marriage or family are expendable money is the cause of most ills. and your inlaws are nothing to you in thailand. how many thais do you see lovingly caring for their inlaws. even their own blood relatives its a battle of money only.

 

you are just a coin in the pocket for them.

 

tell the youll help with some handy work if they buy materials. then you can see them better for who they are.if they work nice and are nice company maybe spend a few 1000snd bht of nails and sheet iron and insulation ect. but thats it.

 

 

 

When your bar stool gets to uncomfortable  feel free to give the beer bar a few nails and a bit of foam

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎21‎.‎10‎.‎2016 at 8:09 PM, laislica said:

 

 

You also posted:-

"Which is why I say "don't get married, don't buy the house unless the OP can afford to give the money away".

I am on record on TV many, many times saying never buy, rent. I was just thinking that if he wants to give someone that much money, he should be giving it to his wife, even though I have become anti marriage since my divorce."

 

Hmmmm, in your opinion then?

It takes two to tango, did you consider that you may also have been part of the problem that resulted in divorce?

There other posters who say that they know other chaps that just walked away from everything and were just happy to have their freedom.

IMHO, marriage is not something to just leap blindly into and once married, it takes time, patience and courage to find the necessary compromises to settle into a trusting and happy relationship.

IMO, Trust is earned and is not a right.

The OP has had 7 happy years together and must have the cash available cos he is asking how to protect the cash.

So I don't see this as a big deal.

 

I hope you get over your bitter thoughts soon and live a happy and fun filled life.

 

@Deepinthailand:

I too was a poor working class in my home country.

I worked hard and saved money to give me a better pension in my old age.

I walked away from a hell of a lot more that that after about 11 years with my toxic ex Brit g/f.

So no longer rich then LOL

 

 

 

 

I walked away from a hell of a lot more that that after about 11 years with my toxic ex Brit g/f.

So no longer rich then LOL

As did I, though not a Brit woman. Lost everything and started again at 35. Never became rich but had enough to meet and marry a Thai woman because she was "different". Turns out she wasn't. So having lost more than I would have just renting a girl friend over the past 7 years I'm too old to start again. However, I can comfort myself in that it could have been worse- I could have bought her a house.

 

must have the cash available cos he is asking how to protect the cash.

Yes, but that may be all he has for accommodation for the rest of his stay in LOS. If he loses that, he may not  be able to stay in LOS.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

PS

 

It takes two to tango, did you consider that you may also have been part of the problem that resulted in divorce?

Of course, but I have no idea as to what that problem was as she refused to discuss it with me. I was away a while and when I came back she no longer wanted to be married to me.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, bentarm44 said:

my 3 times divorced buddy from san diego once described marriage as:

" find a woman you can't live the rest of your life with, then buy her a house '' 

 

California, Issan, England, Japan etc; spot the difference.

 

 

Marry once it's ignorance.

Marry twice it's foolishness.

Marry thrice it's......................

I am a fool, but I won't be a ..................

[laislica]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I walked away from a hell of a lot more that that after about 11 years with my toxic ex Brit g/f.

So no longer rich then LOL

As did I, though not a Brit woman. Lost everything and started again at 35. Never became rich but had enough to meet and marry a Thai woman because she was "different". Turns out she wasn't. So having lost more than I would have just renting a girl friend over the past 7 years I'm too old to start again. However, I can comfort myself in that it could have been worse- I could have bought her a house.

 

must have the cash available cos he is asking how to protect the cash.

Yes, but that may be all he has for accommodation for the rest of his stay in LOS. If he loses that, he may not  be able to stay in LOS.

 

 

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

PS

 

It takes two to tango, did you consider that you may also have been part of the problem that resulted in divorce?

Of course, but I have no idea as to what that problem was as she refused to discuss it with me. I was away a while and when I came back she no longer wanted to be married to me.

 

PM will be sent

Cheers
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Deepinthailand]

On 19/10/2016 at 10:07 AM, thaibeachlovers said:

I'm starting to think this is a slightly silly thread. The woman is his girlfriend, not his wife. Would any poster on here buy a western girlfriend a house wherever they come from?

If he feels committed enough to her to buy a house, then marry her. If it is built after marriage he is entitled to 50% of it if the marriage fails.

Plenty not everyone in the western world's get married a lot live on sin and buy houses.

[thaibeachlovers]

3 hours ago, Deepinthailand said:

Plenty not everyone in the western world's get married a lot live on sin and buy houses.

In NZ if a couple just live together long enough ( used to be 3 years ) it is regarded as being married and she still gets half of everything, and the whole house if there are kids.

At least in LOS that doesn't apply.

[Dunsparce]

If you're not expected to finance or service the loan on the house, then what's the big deal.

Your girlfriend sounds like she's entrepreneurial.

It's not (plural) your house, it's *her* house.

If you guys are in love, you'll probably end up living together. She can either rent the house out, or you can move in and contribute to the mortgage (pay rent). 

Eventually you'll both buy a house together.

In the meantime, try to be a good sport about it, and try to be patient - play the long game.

And figure out a way to set boundaries regarding repairs, etc. If she asks you for a considerable amount of support and help financing and repairing the house, make sure you have a list of your own financial priorities first, and then finish by saying that eventually you want to make a home purchase together with her.

[chuang]

If you can afford it build the house for the sake of the seven years you are together....if you ask TV most if not all will say NO and you are stupid....so use your head and heart....you will be surprised at the houses foreigners built /bought for their wives and girlfriends..

[4MyEgo]

Only invest as much as your prepared to lose, sounds like small change for 7 years, and you'd be doing a good deed, perhaps be there and make sure you pay for materials etc etc, as you don't want the money going elsewhere's

[pattayalover]

that s correct, been with her for 7 years. so If I stay with her for another 3 years, it s 10 years. so 40'000 bahts per year of commitment. around 1000 dollars a year.
I never gave her anything, except I pay more our rent but in return she cleans clothes, cook... and take care of everything like a private secretary of state. (No, she doesn't lie :) )