How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[cheapskatesam]

Ok so i've been talking to a lady Thaifriendly for a few weeks now and i made a half hearted joke about marrying her.. anyway she got all serious and said that i best "start saving my money".. and i asked why and she told me this....

 

Btw she's not some Isaan farm girl... her and her family live in BKK and seem quite well to do. I'm not particularly bothered about this woman (i am really :'( ) but what she said got me thinking.. i hope it is BS because i'm not prepared to pay a womans family to marry her in the future of course.

 

Edited January 9, 2017 by cheapskatesam

[1FinickyOne]

Do you not know of the Thai custom of Sin Sod? This is not something made up for foreigners. But there are endless threads on this. I think in your case, she is barking up the wrong tree... 

 

And for all of those who will rail against it - - I always wonder if they would gladly accept if the custom were reversed... 

[geronimo]

Been talking to her for a few weeks, and now you are asking about marriage? Slow down dude!!!!!

[cheapskatesam]

no it was just a half hearted joke.. "i'll do that when i marry ya :P" thing and she got all serious about money out of the blue...

[aircooledflat4]

So she's saying after they graduate and get a job they should pay and support their parents.

 

Fine, that's very commendable.

 

However, if you want to marry her you have to pay her parents? Sounds like the parents are double dipping. 

 

Based on that logic, is she gonna pay for your parents?

 

 

[beachproperty]

Just tell her its farlang's custom that the wife come with a dowry. Reason being is that you will have the responsibility of taking care of her for the rest of her life.

 

[tromboneman]

4 minutes ago, cheapskatesam said:

no it was just a half hearted joke.. "i'll do that when i marry ya :P" thing and she got all serious about money out of the blue...

 

Likely she did not understand the joke, saw i marry ya (or just marry) and it's off to the races.  I would definitely take a bit more time.  good luck

[cheapskatesam]

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

[LannaGuy]

just let it go... and no jokes... yes it's 'Thai custom' just like pushing in front of queues, parking where they want and lying to 'save face'. Come over, have fun, don't get serious

Edited January 9, 2017 by LannaGuy

[FritsSikkink]

9 minutes ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

No problem she will leave you quickly when she finds out you are a cheapskate who bring his own beer into a bar.

[Panda13]

Christ. You know so little about women , it's hard to work out how much you don't know. Your gonna go to bed with a Thai girl and wake up with a knife in your chest. These girls are literally psycho when it comes to mentioning marriage. You have got a shitload to learn about the Thai " loss of face" . Read up about it before you get here because it pervades the whole day to day life here, and may just save you from a hiding. Thais take it very seriously. Anything said or done to a Thai that can be considered embarrassing, even JOKINGLY, can be seen as a loss of face. I'll bet you, she will have told someone by now that you want to marry her and when you tell her over your fancy dinner that its not on, BOOM!!! Your in some pretty shit now! <deleted> , stay away from ThaiFriendly, none of the girls on there are genuine anyway. But you will find that out when you get here and have dated some, anyway, stop giving your heart and more importantly your money, ie: buying gifts before you know them. God, just get here first , see the way Thailand really works. Find out what an absolute polar opposite, their way of thinking to westerners is before "buying the cow". Chill out! There are so many girls here its is literally mindbending. And they all want your money!!! My advise : No matter what this girl has told you, none of it will be true. Do not meet her under any circumstances. Stop being such a noobe. Wise up or Thailand is gonna chew you up and spit you out .

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app

[JAFO]

This has been a heavily discussed topic and some foreigners are vehemently against it.  

 

I did not pay any Sin Sot to my wife's family when we got married.  Of course marrying in the US made it easier.  Would it have been a deal breaker.... I don't know. I hate to say it this way but it would depend on entirely how much.  It might sound shallow but I had read of men paying 2 , 3 and 5Mil baht and I felt I would rather build a house for that then give it to some family being I would likely take care of them anyway.  Fortunately for me it never came up. We dated for a few years before we got married.  

 

It's a hard call in this day and age. However I respect the culture and would likely comply if she was the right woman and the extended family was outstanding but that wouldn't even be discussed unless we had datediscussed a year and I met all the family

[KhunBENQ]

What a friend told me

 

Nothing unusual.

Farm girl with college education, no kid, 22 years old, working with an automotive plant.

200'000 plus 5 Baht of gold (2.5 oz).

 

At the "engagement" ceremony on New Years day 100'000 and 2 Baht of gold were given.

"Engagement" is a meeting of the two families (elders).

Rest to be paid at the marriage ceremony.

 

And much of the money will go into the party that the family of the girl has to pay for. 200 guests at 30 tables etc.pp.

 

Just by chance I got a snap of the 100'000.

 

[JAFO]

2 hours ago, Panda13 said:

stay away from ThaiFriendly, none of the girls on there are genuine anyway.

 

^ Absolutely !!! Stay away from internet dating sites altogether. Come and meet a gal just being out and about. I agree with Panda and a GREAT majority on dating sites are trolling for a big sucker fish.  Don't be one.

 

Date a women like you would in your home country but keep in mind that you have to be careful how you joke around. Something you consider a joke in your home country may not be a joke here at all. I have stepped in it a few times over my years here.

 

 

Edited January 9, 2017 by JAFO

[jpinx]

Not just Thailand -- wasn't there some talk of restricting the Sin Sod equivalent in China?

[FritsSikkink]

Didn't pay any dowry myself still happily married, a friend paid but got it back the same evening after it was on display for the family still happily married, a third one paid a million, got divorced within 5 years and lost several plots of land, a house, couple of apartments and a car.

[mstevens]

The idea of a bride price or sin sot in Thai is one of those topics that really divides us foreign men!  Some are ok with it while others are aghast at the idea.

 

Personally, I would not go for it.  It just doesn't feel right to me and goes against all that I was brought up to believe in.  I would lose pride in myself if I felt I was forced to pay it and, frankly, I don't think I could look my friends and family here in Australia in the eye and tell them I was forced to pay to pay a not insignificant sum of money to marry my Thai bride.  I would never hear the end of it and fear it would go beyond mere good-natured ribbing and perpetuate the old mail-order bride stereotype you had when Aussie guys married Asian women 20+ years ago.

 

I understand that some are ok with the concept and willing to pay it - and to them I say, good for you.  But for me personally, I could never do it.

[Caca4u]

Ahhh just like when I was on thaifriendly a few yrs ago. thai women make terrible wives, of course there are a few exceptions but after u have enough experience with the women here u will realize it. 

 

[jpinx]

Here ya go -- not only Thailand...

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-38507308

 

 

[kovaltech]

4 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

Edited January 9, 2017 by kovaltech

[twizzian]

4 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

 

You already bought her a designer handbag and other stuff after knowing her online only a few weeks? 

Know her better before you empty your pocket on a possibly one time date.

I think your already smitten, but just want reassurance. 

Steady as you go.

[whatproblem]

So what is the custom here for when wife runs away and villiage marries again,is this money for freedom from last husband. . ?      Or can keep marrying and collecting money. .?

[irwinfc]

to some families, the "sin sod" is only ceremonial. a friend of mine just placed all his bank books into the golden bowl. his wife's parents didn't look inside and gave it back to the couple. the gold that was presented even came from them. it was just for show.

 

since you have already made plans to see her, go for it. but just like what everyone else is telling you, be smart about it. tell her directly how you feel about the "sin sod". once you tell her you don't feel comfortable handing over any sum of money just to be able to marry her and she suddenly feels disinterested in you, cut your losses (airfare, bag, chocolates, etc.) and leave her be (or find another). don't try and get a golden brick that you're going to hit yourself with later on.

[oceanyachting]

I feel that if it is expected, then I walk away. On the other hand, if you befriend the family of your partner and they are very poor then I actually want to help them improve their lives/homes/kids'prospects etc and I am willing to help. In my case they are so grateful and show me everything they've done with receipts!

[whatproblem]

15 minutes ago, kovaltech said:

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

 

Thai culture changes everyday to the wants of the person at that time and it's usually to do with money ,maybe you have to accept it or you would not have a lady but some people won't .i paid a sin sod and learned the hard way although not too much money but I would advise against it ,if someone wanted to pay something pay the parents an allowance 

[kovaltech]

1 minute ago, whatproblem said:

So what is the custom here for when wife runs away and villiage marries again,is this money for freedom from last husband. . ?      Or can keep marrying and collecting money. .?

Uptoyou, depending how much she respects you in telling the truth...

 

Advice 1: go live in her village where she's born... see if you can respect her and her family... and i am not meaning living in a big hotel... if you think there is a lie involved, there most surely is one...: you lying to yourself...

If you know her family well, know her well, then, start courting her... 

Do it the Thai way... not your way... after all, TIT

[LannaGuy]

1 minute ago, kovaltech said:

Uptoyou, depending how much she respects you in telling the truth...

 

Advice 1: go live in her village where she's born... see if you can respect her and her family... and i am not meaning living in a big hotel... if you think there is a lie involved, there most surely is one...: you lying to yourself...

If you know her family well, know her well, then, start courting her... 

Do it the Thai way... not your way... after all, TIT

 

 

Advice 2:  don't succumb to this 'thai culture' BS particularly from BATs  ('Born Again Thai's' ) who wallow in the dream of 'real Thailand'  which actually died many years ago

[whatproblem]

2 minutes ago, kovaltech said:

Uptoyou, depending how much she respects you in telling the truth...

 

Advice 1: go live in her village where she's born... see if you can respect her and her family... and i am not meaning living in a big hotel... if you think there is a lie involved, there most surely is one...: you lying to yourself...

If you know her family well, know her well, then, start courting her... 

Do it the Thai way... not your way... after all, TIT

I don't need or want your advise ,I am a grown man .ive lived here 12 years ,I know the "Thai culture" bs ,it ever changing to the wants of the person ,its mostly about money ,marriage should be between 2 people and if parents wanted what's best for their daughters they would stay out of the money grabbing ,I asked what's the policy / culture when a lady marries multiple times in a village ceremony or is that a mai pen rai moment 

[oceanyachting]

'I'm a very good housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house'  Zsa Zsa Gabor

[killbill]

56 minutes ago, mstevens said:

The idea of a bride price or sin sot in Thai is one of those topics that really divides us foreign men!  Some are ok with it while others are aghast at the idea.

 

Personally, I would not go for it.  It just doesn't feel right to me and goes against all that I was brought up to believe in.  I would lose pride in myself if I felt I was forced to pay it and, frankly, I don't think I could look my friends and family here in Australia in the eye and tell them I was forced to pay to pay a not insignificant sum of money to marry my Thai bride.  I would never hear the end of it and fear it would go beyond mere good-natured ribbing and perpetuate the old mail-order bride stereotype you had when Aussie guys married Asian women 20+ years ago.

 

I understand that some are ok with the concept and willing to pay it - and to them I say, good for you.  But for me personally, I could never do it.

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.