How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, kovaltech said:

respectfully, i disagree with your opinion. A statement is never a command nor directive...

you said,

"Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave..."

 

 

[dbrenn]

Thailand doesn't have social security or a pension that people can live on in old age, hence the culture here is for families to support each other. What is a girl supposed to do - let her parents starve?

 

Foreigners who don't understand this system are better off sticking to the bars. A good Thai family will never make ridiculous demands but they may need a bit of help from time to time. They will help us too, if the situation is reversed.  

 

Tight fisted men make bad husbands anywhere so the lady in question is better off dumping the OP and finding someone else. 

[aircooledflat4]

8 minutes ago, dbrenn said:

Thailand doesn't have social security or a pension that people can live on in old age, hence the culture here is for families to support each other. What is a girl supposed to do - let her parents starve?

 

No one is begrudging the daughter taking care of her parents. Let her work as long as she wants to fulfil this obligation. 

 

But to expect the husband to chip in for that is a bit rich.

 

What about the husband's parents if they are starving..?  Is Thai wifey gonna help them?

 

 

[Paul Catton]

1 hour ago, dbrenn said:

A good Thai family will never make ridiculous demands but they may need a bit of help from time to time. They will help us too, if the situation is reversed.  

Confirmed, especially "help us too".

[aircooledflat4]

2 hours ago, dbrenn said:

What is a girl supposed to do - let her parents starve?

 

I'm still yet to see any Thai person starving, no matter how much they cry poor.

[JAFO]

8 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

Why can't they just accept me as a regular guy from the UK with a normal income they always have to "take the p*ss". I'm not a guy that can afford a 30,000baht a month sukhumvit villa.. and they think all white guys are like that.

 

Again Its about how you are meeting your women. Line, internet dating etc. When a foreigner drops into the internet dating arena they are jumping into a pond of sharks. They figure you know little and many of the gals on those sites and messenger services are professionals scammers. Like the Nigerian and Filipino scammers on Craigslist. 

 

Come here on your own. You can rent a flat day to day and then go look around and find the place you want. 

Edited January 11, 2017 by JAFO

[kannot]

On 1/9/2017 at 10:42 AM, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

dump  it and  find  another.......10 a   penny  here

[Mitkof Island]

99.9999 % bs. Go ahead make my day do it. most guys do.

[Paul Catton]

1 minute ago, Deepinthailand said:

Well as I keep telling you which for some reason you choose to ignore NO I have not met anyone who has been fleeced.

"Most get ripped off" so in my circle of friends and colleagues I would say around a hundred or so here in Thailand not one has been ripped off I would put a figure of 30% of them have married a girl from a bar still non got ripped off.

Can I ask where you base your figures from.

Maybe from "Heart to Heart with Hillary"

[ttthailand]

Chances are that you will meet her and she will be nothing like the girl you have been chatting with for the last few months. I used those dating sites and although I met some great girls most were not what I expected and some were totally out there. For now relax and just meet. After you meet in person you will both have time to evaluate the other and decide if you want to continue. You might even meet for one dinner and call it quits. I would suggest scheduling a few meetings with different girls during your stay and see how it goes. Don't commit to any 100% fixed schedule but leave it somewhat open.
As for sin sod, this is somewhat normal and is mostly about face for those families who are already financially secure and mostly about getting a nice payout for those who are poor.


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[ubonjoe]

Several bickering posts and replies have been removed. Time to end it.

[dbrenn]

5 hours ago, aircooledflat4 said:

 

No one is begrudging the daughter taking care of her parents. Let her work as long as she wants to fulfil this obligation. 

 

But to expect the husband to chip in for that is a bit rich.

 

What about the husband's parents if they are starving..?  Is Thai wifey gonna help them?

 

 

Problems usually arise when the marriage is too one sided - a reasonably well off foreigner marrying a dirt poor farm girl with a dirt poor tribe in tow. 

 

Educated girls often require a gesture too, so as to demonstrate that the husband is not full of crap and has sufficient money to raise a family. If she comes from an honest and decent family, the money will be returned in one way or another - a house where they both can live, purchase of other marital property like a car, and the like.

 

The OP uses cheapskate as his handle. His bad attitude towards this custom will likely result in his getting dumped. He is not marriage material and should stick with rentals anyway. 

[kovaltech]

6 hours ago, aircooledflat4 said:

 

No one is begrudging the daughter taking care of her parents. Let her work as long as she wants to fulfil this obligation. 

 

But to expect the husband to chip in for that is a bit rich.

 

What about the husband's parents if they are starving..?  Is Thai wifey gonna help them?

 

 

Yes the Thai wife AND her family will help. That is Thai culture... but then again, what would you know ?

[JAFO]

48 minutes ago, dbrenn said:

Problems usually arise when the marriage is too one sided - a reasonably well off foreigner marrying a dirt poor farm girl with a dirt poor tribe in tow. 

 

Educated girls often require a gesture too, so as to demonstrate that the husband is not full of crap and has sufficient money to raise a family. If she comes from an honest and decent family, the money will be returned in one way or another - a house where they both can live, purchase of other marital property like a car, and the like.

 

The OP uses cheapskate as his handle. His bad attitude towards this custom will likely result in his getting dumped. He is not marriage material and should stick with rentals anyway. 

 

Absolutely.  Most of the big financial mistakes are made when the delta between foreigner and wife to be is large.  If truly a poor farm girl meets a well to do foreigner it is likely that the sin sot would not be returned because they perceive the foreigner does not need it couple that with the foreigner who understands little about what he is getting himself into.  

 

On the other hand if you meet a middle or upper class Thai gal who works and comes from a decent family the Sin Sot will be returned as I have witnessed numerous times.  I have also witnessed the gold were gifts from the groom to bride and bride to groom and shared later after the ceremony.

 

I have enjoyed witnessing the process. My wife and I married in the US and exchanged rings and some gold that she and I purchased.  I asked about a ceremony back in Thailand and she said it is not necessary.  Family knows we married in the US. I did however offer a small amount of gold to my FIL which he accepted but then said please sell it when I pass away and use it for us.  So in the end I will get it back but the jesture and respect were honored.

Edited January 11, 2017 by JAFO

[localczar]

Marriage is over-rated....whats the point?

This gal is attempting to put the onus/burden of parental support squarely on your shoulders...grab your shoes and coat and split!

[localczar]

10 hours ago, smotherb said:

you said,

"Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave..."

 

 

respect has to be earned...

[transam]

6 minutes ago, localczar said:

Marriage is over-rated....whats the point?

This gal is attempting to put the onus/burden of parental support squarely on your shoulders...grab your shoes and coat and split!

Have you asked your mum and dad about their marriage being over rated....?

[localczar]

1 minute ago, transam said:

Have you asked your mum and dad about their marriage being over rated....?

irrelevant...marriage is not required to procreate silly!

[KC 71]

The word 'jaded' springs to mind !


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[billd766]

6 hours ago, Paul Catton said:

Confirmed, especially "help us too".

 

It has with my wife and family too.

 

 

5 hours ago, aircooledflat4 said:

 

I'm still yet to see any Thai person starving, no matter how much they cry poor.

 

Out in rural Thailand people can always go to the local temple to eat, friends/neighbours tend to keep a lookout for older people if their families live further away. I don't know about the cities though.

[transam]

6 minutes ago, localczar said:

irrelevant...marriage is not required to procreate silly!

Even a silly person like me knows that.......

I asked a simple question about marriage being over rated as you stated..

[paulsingle]

After 2 years together in UK and Thailand, I did the deed today in rural Khon Kaen. 

I respect most cultures and their traditions, including Thai.

I believe we have a future together and we plan to marry officially in the UK late next year. 

I am not in favour of the dowry principle and prefer to choose how and where I spend my money. 

I have done the traditional wedding because of "face" issues for my lady and her family. 

I agreed to do this with the proviso that I would only be able to offer a small dowry. They were delighted and some of that money came back to me. They have very little but they worry about putting pressure on me. 

I hear other stories of people putting cash on display and taking it back afterwards. 

"Face" is a big thing here in Thailand. 

I must say that the traditional ceremony impressed me much more than the Christian weddings I've attended. 

I think it's important to respect the tradition here but not to be taken as a mug.

[huawei]

It's is interesting how many go on about respecting Thai culture and yet the only seem to engage in that one aspect of it called sin sod.

 

its is interesting how many of these girls need to support their families when the other sisters and brothers do nothing.

 

it is interesting how few of these girls have no job, never had a job or managed to support themselves or their parents before mr foreigner came along, yet sin Sod is a must.

 

why would you separate sin sod from the general rip off culture that exists towards foreigners here..some will abuse it..

 

i married in 1986. No sin sod, as we just registered at the amphur.Help the family with medical and education bills as they are disproportionately expensive here. Otherwise nothing, they work own houses..no need. Wouldn't respect them if they did. That is the same anywhere.

 

you should have it returned anyway..

 

as most foreigners now marry into very poor families, non educated, they are the second husbands etc..can't see how sin sod is justified other than a small amount, if any.

 

if you pay it, pay it and then just move on.

 

 

 

[transam]

4 minutes ago, huawei said:

It's is interesting how many go on about respecting Thai culture and yet the only seem to engage in that one aspect of it called sin sod.

 

its is interesting how many of these girls need to support their families when the other sisters and brothers do nothing.

 

it is interesting how few of these girls have no job, never had a job or managed to support themselves or their parents before mr foreigner came along, yet sin Sod is a must.

 

why would you separate sin sod from the general rip off culture that exists towards foreigners here..some will abuse it..

 

i married in 1986. No sin sod, as we just registered at the amphur.Help the family with medical and education bills as they are disproportionately expensive here. Otherwise nothing, they work own houses..no need. Wouldn't respect them if they did. That is the same anywhere.

 

you should have it returned anyway..

 

as most foreigners now marry into very poor families, non educated, they are the second husbands etc..can't see how sin sod is justified other than a small amount, if any.

 

if you pay it, pay it and then just move on.

 

 

 

Thais pay sin sod in my region...A done thing....The cash is sorted to pay for the Wedding (show) stuff and then dealt with behind closed doors..

[andytyl]

Not just a thai thing. Alot of other Asian countries have this culture as well. 

Usually the amount depends on how much the guy could afford. But in some countries or some families they will demand higher amount, the chinese call it selling off their daughters.

Ofcos they are alot of families who dosent mind any amount or value. They want the daughter to start a happy family. 

I have had a friend in Singapore. The wife mother wanted 50,000sgd cash which my friend couldnt afford. After lots of quarrel n fighting.. the wife suggest they call off all traditional ceremoney just sign on papers legally be husband n wife. N the mum gets nothing. 

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, localczar said:

respect has to be earned...

did you walk to work or bring your lunch

[TonyClifton]

On 1/9/2017 at 10:51 PM, kenk24 said:

but when it comes to taking care of their Thai wives, it seems that some of these people on the forum fall into a total cheapness that is truly unkind... 

 

I can't help but think that if people treated their Thai wives w/more kindness, they might have a better experience... 

 

I get pretty tired of these "accusations" - Thai ladies like money!!! - as if other people don't?

 

But what does bother me, is the meanness. Some of the guys on this forum are filled with hatred for Thai ladies.. Do you think they don't notice? Do you think they don't respond accordingly? 

 

1

 

Pish posh.

 

The original statement was that the writer was told to go work and save up so he can give the money to the parents.  The parents will then blow that money in the village so they can show off to their peers.  

 

So who is "messed up" in this equation?

 

The cow they want to milk, is the foreigner.  The parents have no qualms about selling off their daughter.  Thai parent' know that when little Betty goes to Bangkok to "work," that the money comes from her being horizontal with legs spread.  Does Daddy have a problem with this when he is buying beer with little Betty's money?  No.

 

Foreigner = more money = more bragging rights.

 

Your priorities as to the truth here are very warped.

Edited January 11, 2017 by TonyClifton

[dbrenn]

2 hours ago, paulsingle said:

After 2 years together in UK and Thailand, I did the deed today in rural Khon Kaen. 

I respect most cultures and their traditions, including Thai.

I believe we have a future together and we plan to marry officially in the UK late next year. 

I am not in favour of the dowry principle and prefer to choose how and where I spend my money. 

I have done the traditional wedding because of "face" issues for my lady and her family. 

I agreed to do this with the proviso that I would only be able to offer a small dowry. They were delighted and some of that money came back to me. They have very little but they worry about putting pressure on me. 

I hear other stories of people putting cash on display and taking it back afterwards. 

"Face" is a big thing here in Thailand. 

I must say that the traditional ceremony impressed me much more than the Christian weddings I've attended. 

I think it's important to respect the tradition here but not to be taken as a mug.

By respecting the local customs in a modest way, you have got your marriage off to a good start. May you have a long and happy one.

[dbrenn]

29 minutes ago, TonyClifton said:

 

Pish posh.

 

The original statement was that the writer was told to go work and save up so he can give the money to the parents.  The parents will then blow that money in the village so they can show off to their peers.  

 

So who is "messed up" in this equation?

 

The cow they want to milk, is the foreigner.  The parents have no qualms about selling off their daughter.  Thai parent' know that when little Betty goes to Bangkok to "word," that the money comes from her being horizontal with legs spread.  Does Daddy have a problem with this when he is buying beer with little Betty's money?  No.

 

Foreigner = more money = more bragging rights.

 

Your priorities as to the truth here are very warped.

True if you marry the wrong girl, or if you yourself are not financially sound enough to commit to starting a family. As is the case anywhere, you need to have your wits about you and exercise proper judgment when making important life decisions.

 

The girl will evaluate you just as much as you evaluate her, and proving that you are committed is one of the things she is understandably looking for. 

 

The OP is a self styled cheapskate who will rightly be screened out as a potential husband and dumped by any respectable Thai woman. He isn't ready to commit to starting a family and will be happier in the girly bars until he is ready to settle down.

Edited January 11, 2017 by dbrenn

[localczar]

31 minutes ago, smotherb said:

did you walk to work or bring your lunch

555.....riiiiiggggghhhhhtt!