I'm father of a Thai baby, but can't go on with the mother

[Roymac]

You use the words, " Can she make me run into trouble" ? Friend you are in deep trouble. You say you wanted the child so I suggest you try to negotiate a deal . You do not divulge your overall status, ie, age, means, abode etc. 

The lady will want as much she can get and you would want an equitable resolution. I suggest you get an arbiter to try and evoke am ammicable solution. Now is the time for cool heads! 

I was in a similar situation and I now have a successful heir, my only child. Be warned you will be tested but stand firm and be fair. Good luck.

[melvinmelvin]

One aspect I don't see mentioned here:

 

(I'm from Scandinavia)

 

If I made a lass (regardless of nationality) pregnant (hooker or not) in LoS or anywhere else in the world.

I would have to support the offspring until the age of 18 (until 21 if still under education, I think).

(and the sum would not be small)

This is stipulated/regulated by my home country legislation.

 

Would guess that more countries than mine have similar legislation.

 

[lostinataxi]

3 hours ago, giddyup said:

You should have thought about all that before you start spreading your seed and then not wanting to pay your dues. She and her family are stuck with another mouth to feed that they may ill afford, you just wash your hands of it. Go and have a vasectomy, the world doesn't need any more fathers like you.

Why doesn't anyone teach women to stop opening their legs to men without a commitment?   Commitment means marriage, not shack-up honey situation.  Women have to be their own last line of defense if they don't want to get pregnant, but too many of them (not only from Thailand) use it as a way to try and get $$$  for the next 18 years, which is also selfish of them to do, since it is not being very concerned about their baby they made out of wedlock.    

[chrischop]

1 hour ago, giddyup said:

How are you going to ensure that the money is only spent on your son?

That's the problem I don't know being reason I intend only sending about 15 20 pound a week in 1 lump every year told her that I sent 700 in February 6 weeks later she complains it's not enough spent it all so while I'm there to visit we argued about it 110 pound a week just over 5000 baht a baby in UK would never get that sort of money off government for a unemployed person to raise the child 3 days I got to see that boy then she decided take him away I will be back December if she does same trick I will stop sending any money in future I might as well be sponsoring a child in another country send the money but never see the kid 

[Get Real]

How many people here just comment and know nothing.

There is no lw in the Thai justice system that statues you have to pay anything.
Off course if it goes to court, the court might judge that a certain amount should be payed, but that is very hard to really achieve.

However, in this country the birth certificate does not lagalize you as a father to the cild. That is done by a DNA test and a court approval. Here is the little space that might be your chance. That means in clear language that you can use the system to work for you. At this point you push for all that it takes to get legalization as a father, and promise what ever you have to do for get along with that. As you see it this is not the person you fell for and she has started showing other sides of herself. Take that as a lie, and do not keep your promise either. After you are legalized as a father, you have 50 percent custody  to fight with in court.

Good luck!

[jerojero]

How does your girlfriend feel about you? Is it mutual negative about your relationship? Is she expecting or demanding you continue to support her and your child?

[cyberfarang]

If the OP really loves his child, then he`ll fight tooth and nail to gain custody.

 

Sorry, but the child`s future does not seem bright with parents like that. As a father the OP should love his child more than he despises his girlfriend and try to negotiate some kind of compromise for the child`s sake. Otherwise I`m calling irresponsible and deadbeat on this one.  

[Fulwell53]

13 hours ago, chrischop said:

Because like before when I was married to the <deleted> she would send money to its family I started building a house and her brother used place as a garage reason why we split as she put it her family number 1 basically do what they like me I'm number 2 don't get no say only be a cash machine she is expecting me send 5000 baht a week never gonna happen think 150 baht a day will be sufficient I'm sure the number 1 family will take care of him

My eyes were bleeding trying to read and understand that.

I assume english is not your first language.

Why do you believe that 4500 per month is sufficient to look after a baby and mother when 300 thb per day is seen as minimum daily wage?

That you believe that in any case the family will take care is an appalling dereliction of moral duty, and paints you clearly as someone incapable of living up to your responsibility for your actions and family.

Its not the child' s fault his parents dont get along, and that his father is a self centred tightwad.

Shame on you.

 

[davidst01]

Usually when a relationship doesnt work out its the fault of both parties. OP doesnt take any blame. 

 

If you have a 3 month old I presume you are both sleep deprived. She is full of hormones. Try to make it work for 1 more yr and then re-assess. 

 

If you break up and dont see your child you are missing out big time. Its great when they are 2 to 3 yrs old and developing their personality. Its the best thing in life. Improve yourself and adapt. Try to make it work.... Otherwise it could screw with your mind for the rest of your life. 

[Confuscious]

If you love the child, forget a DNA test and most of the advice given to you.
Get the "Sole Custody" over the child and move as far away from the mother and her family as possible.
Use the money you would pay to the mother and her family to give the child a good education and a good future (eventually let a nanny take care of the kid while you are working).
If you can handle this yourself, DO IT NOW.
Otherwise, hire a good lawyer who you can trust.

If you don't love the child or you want to ease your mind by paying the mother every month a sum of money, stop that charade and move on with your life.
The mother will not take care of the child.
The Thai way of living is that the mother need to go work and the grandparents (or a family member who is assigned to take care of the elder) will take care of the child.
But in reality, nobody gives a f...g shit about the child and he will end just like any other child in Thailand.

 

[giddyup]

2 minutes ago, Confuscious said:

If you love the child, forget a DNA test and most of the advice given to you.
Get the "Sole Custody" over the child and move as far away from the mother and her family as possible.
Use the money you would pay to the mother and her family to give the child a good education and a good future (eventually let a nanny take care of the kid while you are working).
If you can handle this yourself, DO IT NOW.
Otherwise, hire a good lawyer who you can trust.

If you don't love the child or you want to ease your mind by paying the mother every month a sum of money, stop that charade and move on with your life.
The mother will not take care of the child.
The Thai way of living is that the mother need to go work and the grandparents (or a family member who is assigned to take care of the elder) will take care of the child.
But in reality, nobody gives a f...g shit about the child and he will end just like any other child in Thailand.

 

A single Dad looking after a baby? He'd want plenty of support from his family. Assuming that he's still working, paying for nannies or day care can be an expensive proposition, especially in the west.

[Confuscious]

3 hours ago, giddyup said:

A single Dad looking after a baby? He'd want plenty of support from his family. Assuming that he's still working, paying for nannies or day care can be an expensive proposition, especially in the west.

I am a single daddy in Thailand, taking already 8 years care of my child.
We live ALONE!!!!
No nanny, no family, no help from anybody.
You want to see how my child is doing.
Feel free to pass by.
You will be astonished.

I know several foreigners who have a nanny, and pay fair prices.
A friend of mine who lives in Pattaya, has hired a woman from Roi-Et (no children) to do the house chores and take care of the 2 children while he is working.
He pays her 6,000 Baht/month, free housing, and free utilities (electricity; water; food and drink; etc.).
That barely the amount of money the OP was willing to pay to the mother.
Since 2 years, he also took an accident insurance for the house lady.

If he lives abroad with the child, there exists several instances who will (help) take care of the child and not that expensive.

I admit that it is not easy.
But it is not impossible neither.

[Confuscious]

15 hours ago, melvinmelvin said:

One aspect I don't see mentioned here:

 

(I'm from Scandinavia)

 

If I made a lass (regardless of nationality) pregnant (hooker or not) in LoS or anywhere else in the world.

I would have to support the offspring until the age of 18 (until 21 if still under education, I think).

(and the sum would not be small)

This is stipulated/regulated by my home country legislation.

 

Would guess that more countries than mine have similar legislation.

 

Not true!!!!

In about every European country, support of the children (mostly until the finish education) is regulated by the court and calculated on your income.

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!
The amount you pay on children support is tax deductible to 80 % on your BRUTO income.
This means that you would pay only about 10% of the child support.
The rest of the child support is paid by the community.

[chrischop]

5 hours ago, Fulwell53 said:

My eyes were bleeding trying to read and understand that.

I assume english is not your first language.

Why do you believe that 4500 per month is sufficient to look after a baby and mother when 300 thb per day is seen as minimum daily wage?

That you believe that in any case the family will take care is an appalling dereliction of moral duty, and paints you clearly as someone incapable of living up to your responsibility for your actions and family.

Its not the child' s fault his parents dont get along, and that his father is a self centred tightwad.

Shame on you.

 

Why should I pay for her family I only pay for my son if she never let her number 1 family use house that I started having built as a garage there would never have been a problem but like she said its family be number 1 I just be a cash machine ain't no way I'm being a cash machine for them to sit back and have a good life while I work my are off for her to sit there demand more all time she spends more than the unemployed receive off the government 

[steven100]

19 hours ago, chrischop said:

I also have a baby son in Thailand nearly 2 years old now his mother is dangling him like a carrot to get money she is now working as she has no choice due to me refusing to keep sending money on demand what would be a reasonable amount of money for a child a week I looked at google it says 300 baht a day is a average wage for unskilled now if they can survive on that a day how much would it be for a child I refuse send money for the mother only my son thanks

well while I agree ..... you won't have any idea or say how she spends it .... she will go to Big C and buy chicken for her and him, she will buy a chocolate for him and a beer for herself ....   you cannot differentiate who she spends your 1000 baht on ....  unfortunately, that;s how it is everywhere.

[Aussieroaming]

When i got divorced i was gutted, because it was losing daily contact with my 2 children that really hurt, me and the ex didnt like each other, so no drama there. Then she held them up as ransom, trying to suck as much cash out of me as possible. She was Australian by the way, not Thai. I made sure i paid whatever i had to every month, not for her but to ensure that the kids were financially safe at least. Overtime the regular payments help break down the barrier to access and i can now see my kids as many times as i want, though they are late teens now and pretty much give the parents a friendly divorce as their pool of friends grow (no dramas there).

 

So help your son out financially (dont think of it as giving to the ex) and dont lose contact with him. He isnt lost to you, just located in a geographically different location.

[melvinmelvin]

7 hours ago, Confuscious said:

Not true!!!!

In about every European country, support of the children (mostly until the finish education) is regulated by the court and calculated on your income.

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!
The amount you pay on children support is tax deductible to 80 % on your BRUTO income.
This means that you would pay only about 10% of the child support.
The rest of the child support is paid by the community.

 

Arai krap? Not true? True indeed!

 

I would have to pay a significant amount every month. The amount stipulated by "my" legislation and related to my means.

If the money I pay monthly is not enough to meet the required minimum in my country, the government will chip in.

If the money I pay monthly is not enough to meet the required minimum in Nepal, the governent will not chip in.

[billd766]

On 20/05/2017 at 6:13 PM, chrischop said:

I also have a baby son in Thailand nearly 2 years old now his mother is dangling him like a carrot to get money she is now working as she has no choice due to me refusing to keep sending money on demand what would be a reasonable amount of money for a child a week I looked at google it says 300 baht a day is a average wage for unskilled now if they can survive on that a day how much would it be for a child I refuse send money for the mother only my son thanks

 

Remember as the child grows up he will need more than subsistance. Think about school fees, clothes, books, school bus  etc. You will also need to think about education, perhaps a laptop computer with an internet connection. It all ads up and that is without even thinking about pocket money, holidays, school trips etc.

 

He was in Prathom 6 last year at a school in Khampaeng Phet in the mini English Language Program 65 km from our home. He was 11 going on 12 then. During P4 they had a school trip to Malaysia and during the P1 to P6 they had 2 or 3 trips a year in Thailand at extra cost.

 

As an example last school year we spent on our son about 25,000 baht

Bus fee to the school (of our choice) 2,000 per month for 10 months = 20,000

70 baht a day pocket money for food etc if he wanted it, 1,400 a month= 14,000

School books about 2,000 baht a year

School clothes, about 3,000 baht a year as children tend to grow out of their clothes, especially if you feed them.

 

This is without a mobile phone or a computer for their homework.

 

2 or 3 years in kindergarten, 6 years in Prathom (junior school) and another 6 years in Matayom (senior school) then Tech college or university

 

Fees including lunch and insurance etc

 

There is no guarantee that any money that you send for your child will actually be spent on him but that is between you and his mother.

 

Personally I am still married to his Mum and have been for 17 years and don't begrudge a single satang we spend on him,  and is returned manyfold by his love.

 

This is NOT an international school which carries a horrendous price tag, nor is it a rural village school scraping by on the bones.

 

This does not include normal play clothes etc or any of the normal things that children go through while growing up, somewhere to live, rent food etc.

[billd766]

On 20/05/2017 at 6:38 PM, chrischop said:

Because like before when I was married to the <deleted> she would send money to its family I started building a house and her brother used place as a garage reason why we split as she put it her family number 1 basically do what they like me I'm number 2 don't get no say only be a cash machine she is expecting me send 5000 baht a week never gonna happen think 150 baht a day will be sufficient I'm sure the number 1 family will take care of him

 

This is not something that I have experienced in 24 years of knowing my wife and 17 years of marriage to her.

[melvinmelvin]

Pay a decent amount or get lost.

 

What is decent? Don't know. Some have mentioned 300/day. Maybe?

 

I just look at my neighbour (Thai couple - no children) he is a blu collar man - wife doesn't work.

He makes 300/day=10 000/month and they survive on that.

He has a Toyota pickup, he has a motorcycle which he uses to/from work every day.

Wife also has a pickup (of some brand).

Have a small house by a canal.

They manage reasonably well.

 

So 300/day maybe a start?

 

Edited May 21, 2017 by melvinmelvin
typo

[anon345535]

I've only read the first post.

 

I was in a similar situation 7 years ago. I had to take my ex-gf to court. I am now legally recognised as my daughter's father and 'won' custody  Mon-Fri. My daughter is now 10 years old and has a good relationship with both parents.

 

Go see a lawyer, if you want to play a role in your son's life and can take care of him.

[Tech65]

On ‎21‎/‎05‎/‎2017 at 9:14 AM, Confuscious said:

If you love the child, forget a DNA test and most of the advice given to you.
Get the "Sole Custody" over the child and move as far away from the mother and her family as possible.
Use the money you would pay to the mother and her family to give the child a good education and a good future (eventually let a nanny take care of the kid while you are working).
If you can handle this yourself, DO IT NOW.
Otherwise, hire a good lawyer who you can trust.

If you don't love the child or you want to ease your mind by paying the mother every month a sum of money, stop that charade and move on with your life.
The mother will not take care of the child.
The Thai way of living is that the mother need to go work and the grandparents (or a family member who is assigned to take care of the elder) will take care of the child.
But in reality, nobody gives a f...g shit about the child and he will end just like any other child in Thailand.

 

For me, the best post. Fully agree.

 

If you do love your child do not leave him to her. Full stop.

You generated him, you wanted him, now you can't leave him in the Thai shit. He is your son.

[BEVUP]

On 5/20/2017 at 9:17 PM, reenatinnakor said:

Lol. You guys make me laugh. So you just want to send money for your kid but you don't want the responsibility to take care of it and you wouldn't be able to take care of it anyway if the mother suddenly said...here, you take it and see how you look after it! And you all want to send the minimum possible for the kid to ensure the mum doesn't get a single penny. You should face up to your responsibilities if you don't Google how contraception works. Even if you give 20k a month until 18 you shouldn't complain.

Yes a lot here make me laugh to, TIT not the west

Man & G/F with child - Not married so not his child unless Legitimized, no doubt to be conformed by DNA test (certainly his by law if married prior birth )

The G/F is carrying on like most thai women, but we falangs have the money but would not be able to earn money if given the child unless you have a full time nanny

If I was in this situation I would have no choice but to leave my lad with the mother , BUT i dont think like other Falangs & set my own terms with no promises - I like the the thai way non of this crap where people think the law or a child can be a pawn like in the west

[Rc2702]

Interesting topic and sad cases of events and I understand the two posters who seem reluctant to pay too much. It sets a bad precedent if those funds are not used wisely and given their descriptions of the families/people they are up against it's very likely the funds will not be used correctly.  The downside is the child will suffer but whose to say they will not suffer anyway if the funds were there and not used correctly.  Seems like the family are the issue too which is very sad as they should simply be background noise. A lot of people quote that "family no.1 BS" I wholly agree but if the other people in the family don't bother then why the hell should you even regard that as family and what kind of example are they to your children.

 

 No easy fix but to the OP. How was it with your partner up until the child was born?

 

Given this is new ground for you are you letting your own fears and instabilities of the situition overwhelm you and perhaps causing the conflict without even realising it?

[alextrp77777]

I am the OP of this thread.

I was very ashamed to come back to the forum after I wrote my post. After I wrote this post, I thought everybody would told me that I am a bad person and that I am just looking at how handle the situation on the money side.

That is not true of course.

I came back to the forum today, as I wanted to changed for a new identity. But after reading all your posts, it seems most of you feel for me. I feel very awkward when it comes to money and more over if it is about my child and his mother.

 

We didn't split and we finally came back together. Then we split again one week ago. Then she took my son with her and gave him to the girlfriend of his father.

Then we didn't met for 3 days. She never questioned me about money but she made it clear that she would go and work in a bar.

I wish to open a new thread about this at I feel that the subject is now very different.

I appreciate a lot all of you guys who came and wrote a reply to my post. I thank you very much.

[mogandave]

Then she took my son with her and gave him to the girlfriend of his father.

Are you not the father?

[Covertjay]

On 19/05/2017 at 8:56 PM, alextrp77777 said:

I just registered the papers as father to the amphur

You're on the birth certificate right? This is important for custody and his future dual citizenship. 

[alextrp77777]

Yes to both the last question. I am the father and I registered the papers as well at the amphur. He has my family name but written in Thai. I don't know what it worth as some people say that you cannot register a baby at the amphur before he is 5 or 6 years old. But I did it and they requested my passport to do it.

 

But really I would put an end on this thread. During the last two months, my situation changed. I am the kind of people who can accept to say when he is wrong. I think that at the time I wrote this post, I was in a bad mood about our relationship. I think she is really a nice person but not perfect like everybody. I have had a some much perfect relationship with a girl in my own country during 8 years, that I forgot that the beginning was not as good that what happened after when we learned to know each other more. Then I think I came to have too much expectation with my new girlfriend. She deserves that I give her more time to grew up as well as our relationship, and my knowledge about the Thai culture.

 

I would still agree to talk about the amphur papers as it could help me and other people.

[mogandave]

Good luck with your relationship, it does take work.

We registered our boy at birth, not sure what the 5 or 6 year thing is.

We also got a once a month payment from SS department for a number or years for him.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[tomwct]

Just pick up and go home and forget about Thailand!