How to wai - a guide to the Thai greeting

[Denim]

On 7/9/2017 at 1:55 PM, MrPatrickThai said:

So, you think you can ignore the local culture? Rather arrogant, if you ask me, unless you are a tourist, and many of them read up on local customs before coming.

Yes, many tourists, especially back packers , learn about the wai before they arrive. 

 

When they get here, they wai the tuk tuk driver ,  the toilet cleaner , the Pad Thai sellers , little childen .....in fact any Thai with 2 legs and the breath of life still in them gets the wai treatement.  And they think by doing this they are treating all people equally and pat themselves on the back for their benign attitude.

 

Meanwhile , the locals make allowance for their ignorance of the wais subtle nuances and everybody is happy.

[MrPatrickThai]

18 hours ago, Denim said:

Yes, many tourists, especially back packers , learn about the wai before they arrive. 

 

When they get here, they wai the tuk tuk driver ,  the toilet cleaner , the Pad Thai sellers , little childen .....in fact any Thai with 2 legs and the breath of life still in them gets the wai treatement.  And they think by doing this they are treating all people equally and pat themselves on the back for their benign attitude.

 

Meanwhile , the locals make allowance for their ignorance of the wais subtle nuances and everybody is happy.

You might find that backpackers are more intelligent than most. I was one many years ago and learned how and who to wai but reading Lonely Planet and other travel guides.

 

Anyway, I was talking about the resident of Thailand that thinks waiing is beneath him or the one that doesn't bother to learn the way to do it, even though he could learn in 15 minutes.

 

Thais can tell a lot about you instantly, as soon as they meet you. Likewise, I have met many guys with Thai girls younger than me, who don't wai me. In know instantly they are either prostitutes or Thais who have lived abroad. 

[MrPatrickThai]

20 hours ago, huawei said:

Not doing so is not a form of arrogance or ignorance. It is better to project your politeness in different (western manner) than do an incorrect wai. Thais do not get offended, this was told to me in my first job in BKK in mid 80's and has been my experience ever since.

 

Sorry, I disagree,  if you don't know how to wai and when by now, there is something seriously wrong with your attitude towards Thai people, or yourself. What do you find difficult about how to wai? I can help you if you want. Or even ask a Thai, maybe a wife.  Not about you but if you have a Thai g/f or wife that doesn't want you to sppeak Thai or learn how to wai properly, beware, I've never seen this type of relationship work in the long term(for the foreigner).

[GarryP]

7 minutes ago, MrPatrickThai said:

 

Sorry, I disagree,  if you don't know how to wai and when by now, there is something seriously wrong with your attitude towards Thai people, or yourself. What do you find difficult about how to wai? I can help you if you want. Or even ask a Thai, maybe a wife.  Not about you but if you have a Thai g/f or wife that doesn't want you to sppeak Thai or learn how to wai properly, beware, I've never seen this type of relationship work in the long term(for the foreigner).

I know when I am supposed to wai, but usually I don't bother and rarely is it expected of me. It has got nothing to do with any perceived attitude. It has a lot to do with respect.  Waiing all and sundry is silly.   

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

 

Sorry, I disagree,  if you don't know how to wai and when by now, there is something seriously wrong with your attitude towards Thai people, or yourself. What do you find difficult about how to wai? I can help you if you want. Or even ask a Thai, maybe a wife.  Not about you but if you have a Thai g/f or wife that doesn't want you to sppeak Thai or learn how to wai properly, beware, I've never seen this type of relationship work in the long term(for the foreigner).

I was told when I first came to Thailand that Thais never get angry in public, are all gentle and kind and smile all the time. None of that is true, and I put "farangs should wai" in the same basket as all the other pseudo cultural silliness.

I was actually told that if I got married it was expected of me to give the Thai family lots of money because that is the "culture" .

[simon43]

[sarcasm]

Since I'm so old and respected now, the only people that I wai are elderly monks - I expect everyone else to wai ME!

[\sarcasm]

 

 

[MrPatrickThai]

3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I was told when I first came to Thailand that Thais never get angry in public, are all gentle and kind and smile all the time. None of that is true, and I put "farangs should wai" in the same basket as all the other pseudo cultural silliness.

I was actually told that if I got married it was expected of me to give the Thai family lots of money because that is the "culture" .

Are you saying you NEVER wai?

 

Do any of you non-waiers have kids? Do you tell them not to adopt this silliness?  if so, just wait until their on a psychologist's sofa telling them that their father told them that half of their being was imperfect and silly!:)

 

I remember first coming here in nontaburi meeting one of the highest regarded monks of the time. I was freaking out. He saw my embarassment and shook my hand.

 It really helps in many situations. When my kids were at school, if I hadn't waiied the older teachers, they'd probably taken it out on the kids.  Ignoring the waiing teachers when taking them to school too.

Government officials  -  it really helps to wai them, in many occasions.

 

One people I don't wai are younger doctors at private hospitals as I am the customer and their ego is way over-inflated. However, when one of my daughter was  born in the best hospital in the country, I did give him a free holiday at her godmother's hotel to get special treatment.

 

 

[kannot]

7 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

 

Sorry, I disagree,  if you don't know how to wai and when by now, there is something seriously wrong with your attitude towards Thai people, or yourself. What do you find difficult about how to wai? I can help you if you want. Or even ask a Thai, maybe a wife.  Not about you but if you have a Thai g/f or wife that doesn't want you to sppeak Thai or learn how to wai properly, beware, I've never seen this type of relationship work in the long term(for the foreigner).

let  us  all know how  long "long term is" im coming up for 12  years soon so need to warn the Wife that she might be dumping me soon

[1SteveC]

8 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

Thais can tell a lot about you instantly, as soon as they meet you. Likewise, I have met many guys with Thai girls younger than me, who don't wai me. In know instantly they are either prostitutes or Thais who have lived abroad. 

 

I think your post says it all - "Thais can tell a lot about you instantly, as soon as they meet you." + "Thai girls younger than me, who don't wai me."

 

Look at the clues!

 

Maybe those girls decide you are not worthy of a wai ? Perhaps they find your stuck up attitude, coupled with your "I am so Thai" attitude distasteful ?

[ningnong]

13 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

Thais can tell a lot about you instantly, as soon as they meet you. Likewise, I have met many guys with Thai girls younger than me, who don't wai me. In know instantly they are either prostitutes or Thais who have lived abroad. 

Usually one should wai the elderly but the wai is not strictly based on relative age but very often relative social status.

 

Do you think the Thai wife of a Farang CEO of a large company has any obligation to wai you even if you are older than her? If she doesn’t wai you does that automatically make her a prostitute or prove she lived abroad?

 

If you meet another Farang near your age or older who happens to have a girlfriend/wife younger than you she is not obligated to wai because to her eyes you have equal social status to her boyfriend/husband and, by extension, to her. If the other Farang is obviously older than you she is even less likely to wai.

 

For the record I wai when I feel it’s appropriate. Knowing when it’s appropriate can be complex though.

[kevozman1]

I like so many of the customs, general manners and etiquette in East Asian and SEA countries and found the cultures more appealing in many ways, but bowing, waiing, prostrations etc I have found a tiny bit on the cringe side. Hopefully handshakes will take over in future decades anyway. Even though it does not directly replace waiing in terms of use, I do not see anything of value that will be lost.

[brewsterbudgen]

I like so many of the customs, general manners and etiquette in East Asian and SEA countries and found the cultures more appealing in many ways, but bowing, waiing, prostrations etc I have found a tiny bit on the cringe side. Hopefully handshakes will take over in future decades anyway. Even though it does not directly replace waiing in terms of use, I do not see anything of value that will be lost.

It's already happening, in Bangkok anyway. Handshaking is far more common in business scenarios and I'm finding my students (mostly post-graduates and business people) prefer to shake.

[1SteveC]

13 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

Are you saying you NEVER wai?

 

Do any of you non-waiers have kids? Do you tell them not to adopt this silliness?  if so, just wait until their on a psychologist's sofa telling them that their father told them that half of their being was imperfect and silly!:)

 

I remember first coming here in nontaburi meeting one of the highest regarded monks of the time. I was freaking out. He saw my embarassment and shook my hand.

 It really helps in many situations. When my kids were at school, if I hadn't waiied the older teachers, they'd probably taken it out on the kids.  Ignoring the waiing teachers when taking them to school too.

Government officials  -  it really helps to wai them, in many occasions.

 

One people I don't wai are younger doctors at private hospitals as I am the customer and their ego is way over-inflated. However, when one of my daughter was  born in the best hospital in the country, I did give him a free holiday at her godmother's hotel to get special treatment.

 

 

"meeting one of the highest regarded monks of the time" - You really are full of yourself aren't you.

"my daughter was  born in the best hospital in the country," - See above.

"I did give him a free holiday at her godmother's hotel to get special treatment." - See above again.

 

" if I hadn't waiied the older teachers, they'd probably taken it out on the kids." - Whatever.

 

"I don't wai are younger doctors at private hospitals as I am the customer and their ego is way over-inflated." - I believe you are the "customer" at schools and temples too, they are there to provide a service to you and your family. Maybe you should just stop waiing everyone - you are clearly far better than everyone else.

[MartinL]

39 minutes ago, brewsterbudgen said:

It's already happening, in Bangkok anyway. Handshaking is far more common in business scenarios and I'm finding my students (mostly post-graduates and business people) prefer to shake.

... which is exactly why I said, in an Post 61 here " ... Each graduate saluted their senior officer and had their salute returned and then they shook hands. Not a Wai to be seen".

 

Not a comment on saluting at all (although that seems to have been the assumption of those who responded) but rather on the replacement of the wai by the handshake in an official and totally Thai situation.

[timkeen08]

... which is exactly why I said, in an Post 61 here " ... Each graduate saluted their senior officer and had their salute returned and then they shook hands. Not a Wai to be seen".
 
Not a comment on saluting at all (although that seems to have been the assumption of those who responded) but rather on the replacement of the wai by the handshake in an official and totally Thai situation.

I see a totally military situation regardless of Thai. It's the other way arround. Show me where a handshake replaced a wai following a salute in official Thai military etiquette documentation re: no longer allowed. YOU mentioned salute followed by a handshake, same meaning just my words. So, my post was indeed in context and if I am not mistaken all of my comments were in this same context, unless I got sloppy or made a typo somewhere.

From my web searches I did not see a wai anywhere in reference to Thai military. Please, someone Thai military correct me if I'm wrong. It would be interesting to find out firstly if, in which cicumstances, and in which modern time period that Thai military followed something Thai that is not standard military etiquette almost everywhere else in the world for a formal military ceremony.

From one official Thai website I read concerning visiting foreign dignitary etiquette such as foreign consulate and foreign military that a salute followed by a handshake was required and wai was not mentioned, mentioned as replacing a handshake, was even acceptable, or recommended.

I just don't see Thailand intentionally or recklessly loosing face by doing something different than that which has been accepted as standard around the world for such a long time.

You have not presented anything that indicates otherwise except your opinion and attempt at redirection.

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[roo860]

 
Sorry, I disagree,  if you don't know how to wai and when by now, there is something seriously wrong with your attitude towards Thai people, or yourself. What do you find difficult about how to wai? I can help you if you want. Or even ask a Thai, maybe a wife.  Not about you but if you have a Thai g/f or wife that doesn't want you to sppeak Thai or learn how to wai properly, beware, I've never seen this type of relationship work in the long term(for the foreigner).

Quote "I can help you if you want", would that involve going to Wai Watchers Club, would you have a Wai In at the end of each week?

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[kannot]

6 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

 

Quote "I can help you if you want", would that involve going to Wai Watchers Club, would you have a Wai In at the end of each week?

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and for Geordies "Wai aaaaaaaaaaay"

[LannaGuy]

12 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

It's already happening, in Bangkok anyway. Handshaking is far more common in business scenarios and I'm finding my students (mostly post-graduates and business people) prefer to shake.

Nonsense only if they have traveled internationally and feel they 'have to'  

[brewsterbudgen]

Nonsense only if they have traveled internationally and feel they 'have to'  

I'm just reporting on my experience of having worked in Bangkok for 12+ years, admittedly mostly in the international business area but also in Thai banks and retail businesses. Why do you think it's nonsense?

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[MrPatrickThai]

15 hours ago, 1SteveC said:

"meeting one of the highest regarded monks of the time" - You really are full of yourself aren't you.

"my daughter was  born in the best hospital in the country," - See above.

"I did give him a free holiday at her godmother's hotel to get special treatment." - See above again.

? I think you have some low self-esteem issues

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

It's already happening, in Bangkok anyway. Handshaking is far more common in business scenarios and I'm finding my students (mostly post-graduates and business people) prefer to shake.

IMO this is all getting a wee bit irrelevant. In the end, it's up to the individual as to wai or not, regardless of the opinion of any poster on here.

It's probably not going to be held against anyone if they don't.

I think most expats have the intelligence to know if and when it would be to their benefit to wai. I did so to the mother in law when handing over the sin sod ( which I got back ) in a traditional ceremony, and that was the first and last time I did so to her. I never wai'd any of the rest of the family.

[LannaGuy]

9 hours ago, brewsterbudgen said:

I'm just reporting on my experience of having worked in Bangkok for 12+ years, admittedly mostly in the international business area but also in Thai banks and retail businesses. Why do you think it's nonsense?

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Morning, well... because I live here i now feel very uncomfortable shaking hands (apart from other farangs) despite working in the City (London) for years and shaking hands constantly.  

 

It came from Knights of old who were showing they had no weapon and came in peace. I have been here 10 years and shaken maybe 2 or 3 Thai hands in all that time but I'm retired so don't mix with BKK 'westernized' Thais so maybe that's why I don't feel it's changing. It would be a shame I think as the Wai comes from the Indian 'Namaste'. Still what will be will be.

[brewsterbudgen]

Morning, well... because I live here i now feel very uncomfortable shaking hands (apart from other farangs) despite working in the City (London) for years and shaking hands constantly.  

 

It came from Knights of old who were showing they had no weapon and came in peace. I have been here 10 years and shaken maybe 2 or 3 Thai hands in all that time but I'm retired so don't mix with BKK 'westernized' Thais so maybe that's why I don't feel it's changing. It would be a shame I think as the Wai comes from the Indian 'Namaste'. Still what will be will be.

I can certainly understand that the old traditions carry on, and should carry on, in less westernised parts of the country. My job in Bangkok is teaching students planning to study at western universities or work for international companies. I would prefer it if they wai'd me but they tend to hold out a sweaty hand instead.

 

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[joeyg]

On 7/11/2017 at 0:09 PM, MrPatrickThai said:

You might find that backpackers are more intelligent than most. I was one many years ago and learned how and who to wai but reading Lonely Planet and other travel guides.

 

Anyway, I was talking about the resident of Thailand that thinks waiing is beneath him or the one that doesn't bother to learn the way to do it, even though he could learn in 15 minutes.

 

Thais can tell a lot about you instantly, as soon as they meet you. Likewise, I have met many guys with Thai girls younger than me, who don't wai me. In know instantly they are either prostitutes or Thais who have lived abroad. 

There are prostitutes in Thailand!!!???

 

[joeyg]

On 7/11/2017 at 0:29 PM, GarryP said:

I know when I am supposed to wai, but usually I don't bother and rarely is it expected of me. It has got nothing to do with any perceived attitude. It has a lot to do with respect.  Waiing all and sundry is silly.   

I agree! Same goes for handshakes and "high Fives!"  

[joeyg]

On 7/11/2017 at 3:16 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

I was told when I first came to Thailand that Thais never get angry in public, are all gentle and kind and smile all the time. None of that is true, and I put "farangs should wai" in the same basket as all the other pseudo cultural silliness.

I was actually told that if I got married it was expected of me to give the Thai family lots of money because that is the "culture" .

Agreed.  All unite And end the Hand Shake Now!!! 

[MrPatrickThai]

13 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO this is all getting a wee bit irrelevant. In the end, it's up to the individual as to wai or not, regardless of the opinion of any poster on here.

It's probably not going to be held against anyone if they don't.

I think most expats have the intelligence to know if and when it would be to their benefit to wai. I did so to the mother in law when handing over the sin sod ( which I got back ) in a traditional ceremony, and that was the first and last time I did so to her. I never wai'd any of the rest of the family.

I understand your resentment against the woman IF you had agreed that you would get it back. However, no need to hold it against the other millions of honest people.

[1SteveC]

3 hours ago, MrPatrickThai said:

I understand your resentment against the woman IF you had agreed that you would get it back. However, no need to hold it against the other millions of honest people.

 

He said he got the dowry back ! Not only are you so far up your own backside, you can't read either !

[MrPatrickThai]

3 hours ago, 1SteveC said:

 

He said he got the dowry back ! Not only are you so far up your own backside, you can't read either !

Excuse me? How am I up my own backside? Why the need for insults, just because you disagree with my opinion/experience?

 

I misread it. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Not waiing your own family elders is pathetic if you ask me.

 

 

[roo860]

Excuse me? How am I up my own backside? Why the need for insults, just because you disagree with my opinion/experience?
 
I misread it. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Not waiing your own family elders is pathetic if you ask me.
 
 

My elder family members get a hug. Some even get a kiss.

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