At the end of it, what would you do

[Jonnapat]

I've learned over the years to trust no one. It works so much better that way.

[Thongkorn]

5 hours ago, quandow said:

This is why I only rent, NEVER own.

 Correct , at worst you can walk Away.

Thai Culture is to take care of their own ,  Forever, its been in bred for 100s of years you will never change it. 

I have a Thai wife lucky , up to now she works and sends a littel money home now and again , She bought the House in Thailand not me, 

You let this develop,  Truth Often hurts and we dont want to hear it, She loves your money not you,  Having children is oftern a tool , Done not  out of a loving relationship but as a means of control.

[Stevemercer]

A Thai woman married to a farang can find herself between a rock and a hard place. Put your self in her shoes. On the one hand she loves you and wants to do the right thing by you. On the other hand, her family is always at her wanting this and wanting that.

 

Some women can manage the pressure. Other women have decent families who don't place her in this dilemma becasue they love and respect her and just want her to be happy. Many women can't take the pressure and end up running away to another part of Thailand or (preferably) another country.

 

At the end of the day, 90% of Thai women will put their family first even if they know it is causing problems for you. If your marriage has got to this stage, where you are in a no win situation, you have three choices.

 

You can stick it out and hope things will get better (they won't).

 

You can take your wife and child and go live somewhere else (preferably another country so you can have a fresh start).

 

Or you can cut your losses, learn from your experiences and move on with your life.

 

I think you need to make the move now while you are still working, can earn money and therefore have options to start again.

[Ryder88]

Why you guys marry thai or for that matter asian women is a combination of a mystery and deserving what you get. for every ''success'' story there are 25 nightmare stories here and on other blogs and sites,,it borderlines the hilarious.

[Ryder88]

8 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

A Thai woman married to a farang can find herself between a rock and a hard place. Put your self in her shoes. On the one hand she loves you and wants to do the right thing by you. On the other hand, her family is always at her wanting this and wanting that.

 

Some women can manage the pressure. Other women have decent families who don't place her in this dilemma becasue they love and respect her and just want her to be happy. Many women can't take the pressure and end up running away to another part of Thailand or (preferably) another country.

 

At the end of the day, 90% of Thai women will put their family first even if they know it is causing problems for you. If your marriage has got to this stage, where you are in a no win situation, you have three choices.

 

You can stick it out and hope things will get better (they won't).

 

You can take your wife and child and go live somewhere else (preferably another country so you can have a fresh start).

 

Or you can cut your losses, learn from your experiences and move on with your life.

 

I think you need to make the move now while you are still working, can earn money and therefore have options to start again.

oh come on! are you kidding me no thai woman puts her farang husband above or even close to the same level as her family...what planet are you living on.

[tryasimight]

6 hours ago, quandow said:

This is why I only rent, NEVER own.

Oh dear, the old predictable clichés come out by the insecure losers

 

Never invest more...blah blah blah

[tryasimight]

On ‎13‎/‎07‎/‎2017 at 10:25 AM, BEVUP said:

Yes i think it has come to that point as I am sick of going backwards 

The wife is thinking that she has the income that i give her per month to cover everything is going to continue to be the same , but in reality it should be reducing as we pay of the debts (Had to pick up half the loan 2 yrs BIL failed to pay) , now it has started again

She is thinking she has done well on the promise of 10 Rai but has nothing to show for it (I think it went to BIL as he came around a mth later of refinancing car with MIL who had a face on her resembling a sour grape ( not what one would expect after coming from her sisters in Rayong & then to visit daughter who she doesn't see much ) - lucky my young lad took a photo

She's not a fincial wiz as I told her who is going to pick up th 200,000 interest bill

I have no experience in international finance but I do have a bridge to sell.

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

It is amazing to see to which extend men have been demaned by our society. So few have the guts to stand up to what is right. Sorry OP it is not only you but about every second man on TV with a relationship problem that just dont have any real manhood left. By the way that is not what you have been your legs but what you have in your guts, your backbone to standup for what is right, your honor to care for your child or honesty to yourself to say enough is enough. For those tender souls I am not preaching aggression towards women but just for men to have the confidence to say no and to be willing to live with it.

 

OP do the following, sit down with your wife and say to her enough is enough and that if she waste any money or give any money to anybody without your consent, you will end your relationship with her. Get a safe deposit box in Bkk, put all assets you can into your name and keep the documents in this safe. You must be the only one with access. On your house put a mortgage and keep the papers in the safe. Change your will or get a will that will leave all your assets to your child, but which will be managed by a neutral person or one of your family members you can trust. Let your wife sign this will as a witness. Keep the will in the safe and give a copy to your executor of the estate. If she ever break the rule on money kick her out or call in the mortgage. In the future keep some of your money outside Thailand where your wife cant get to it if you divorce. Plan your future based on the future needs of your child and not on the never ending needs of the childs mother. If she obstruct you in securing your assets end the relationship as it will be a sign of whats to come.

[ThaiWai]

My gf, who is stunning by the way, picked me off a website when I was still in the US.  Sounds like it will go bad right?  Wrong.  We chatted for 4 months while I finalized my retirement before I moved here.  We have been together 3.5 years now and it's just like the first day.  She has one sister who never calls.  Her dad never gave her a single baht after her mom died at the age of 32 and she has no relationship with him.  Raised by grandma first, then dads extended family and has been a hard worker all her life.  Family is all teachers, cops and Immigration supervisors who have their own money and all live way up North.  First, I WENT AND GOT SNIPPED.  Second, I told her I would never buy land or a home here.  Thirdly, she has no idea of my net worth.  She is a beautician by trade and I gave her a few bucks to open her salon so she has her own source of income.  If she needs anything extra she asks and gets it but it's rare.  She is an angel in every way.  How did I land this catch?  The father (Thai highschool sweetheart) of her 2 boys basically told her he was moving his new gf into the house and she could stay or leave, the choice was hers.  She left, and the boys followed shortly thereafter and they all stay with me now and are much better off despite my own faults.  I was in the right time at the right place and said yes to the right girl.  Even if she walks out on me one day the three underlined items above will keep me on stable ground.  They say "you teach people how to treat you".  It's excellent advice.  Know and be true to yourself first, set limits, stick  to them.  I don't write this to gloat.  We just here so many horror stories I though I would share a happy ending for a change.  Good luck to the OP.

[tryasimight]

Lets get back to reality....why do you keep coming back?

I hate to say this but your son probably doesn't know who you are. Sad but true.

There is one kid in my village who used to call me daddy only because his mum (Pattaya lady of the night) had a kid with a farang  and told him daddy will come soon.

Poor little kid. I used  to tell him 'I'm not daddy" and thankfully he has forgotten about it.(Mind you the monger in me wished he might have been ...the mum was smoking hot!!)

 

Have a good hard look at your life and I mean that with the utmost respect....your age...your financial situation and your ability to support a family .......and your maturity.

 

Some of the hardest decisions in life are the best ones to make.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tryasimight]

3 hours ago, Jonnapat said:

I've learned over the years to trust no one. It works so much better that way.

That's true...but what a sad lonely life devoid of love you must lead

[tryasimight]

1 hour ago, Stevemercer said:

 

A Thai woman married to a farang can find herself between a rock and a hard place. Put your self in her shoes. On the one hand she loves you and wants to do the right thing by you. On the other hand, her family is always at her wanting this and wanting that.

 

Some women can manage the pressure. Other women have decent families who don't place her in this dilemma becasue they love and respect her and just want her to be happy. Many women can't take the pressure and end up running away to another part of Thailand or (preferably) another country.

 

At the end of the day, 90% of Thai women will put their family first even if they know it is causing problems for you. If your marriage has got to this stage, where you are in a no win situation, you have three choices.

 

You can stick it out and hope things will get better (they won't).

 

You can take your wife and child and go live somewhere else (preferably another country so you can have a fresh start).

 

Or you can cut your losses, learn from your experiences and move on with your life.

 

I think you need to make the move now while you are still working, can earn money and therefore have options to start again.

We send the old girl 200 bucks (5000 baht) a month when we aren't there, the other kids send maybe 6000. The old girl doesn't seem to spend a baht. I think she is loan sharking in the village. 

 

Guess that is one advantage in marrying into  a HiSo Isaan village

[sandemara]

If someone steals from you, whether by deceit or force, shame on them. But if you let it happen again, shame on you.  

If you visit a beautiful beach, wade out from shore a little way and a shark jumps up and rips one of your arms off, would you - after release from hospital - return to the beach to go wading again?

Could you possibly convince yourself it would be a good thing to do because -

(a) the beach was beautiful and the water really felt great to wade in or;

(b)  the chances of such a disaster happening in the same place are minimal, despite the predator species'reputation for territoriality, or

(c) sharks are, if you look long enough and close enough, beautiful creatures who are, after all driven by instinct and need to be understood and respected for their lack of shame in a harsh world, or

(d) the shark seemed to enjoy the morsel it took and might think better of me because I tasted so sweet, or

(e) the shark might be impressed if I show I'm prepared to trust it. It might see the errors of its ways and, in turn, give me the respect my generosity of spirit deserves. I could even bring some chum  to sprinkle in the water.  The shark and I could  develop a a happier. even closer relationship  out of this unintended disaster.

[BEVUP]

1 hour ago, SOUTHERNSTAR said:

It is amazing to see to which extend men have been demaned by our society. So few have the guts to stand up to what is right. Sorry OP it is not only you but about every second man on TV with a relationship problem that just dont have any real manhood left. By the way that is not what you have been your legs but what you have in your guts, your backbone to standup for what is right, your honor to care for your child or honesty to yourself to say enough is enough. For those tender souls I am not preaching aggression towards women but just for men to have the confidence to say no and to be willing to live with it.

 

OP do the following, sit down with your wife and say to her enough is enough and that if she waste any money or give any money to anybody without your consent, you will end your relationship with her. Get a safe deposit box in Bkk, put all assets you can into your name and keep the documents in this safe. You must be the only one with access. On your house put a mortgage and keep the papers in the safe. Change your will or get a will that will leave all your assets to your child, but which will be managed by a neutral person or one of your family members you can trust. Let your wife sign this will as a witness. Keep the will in the safe and give a copy to your executor of the estate. If she ever break the rule on money kick her out or call in the mortgage. In the future keep some of your money outside Thailand where your wife cant get to it if you divorce. Plan your future based on the future needs of your child and not on the never ending needs of the childs mother. If she obstruct you in securing your assets end the relationship as it will be a sign of whats to come.

Have done the first half of what you said, but no need to worry about the 2nd as house auto goes to son, & can not be touched financialy as it is fully paid for (hence being in sons name ) along with mothers

Of course all my money is out of Thailand & I only send her enough for bills & food 

I will now be in the process of getting yellow book for car & have told her that if the house is some how touched you will be living back in the village without me as there will be no rescue plan & that i am looking forward to the day the BIL is not here

[Dene16]

1 hour ago, Ryder88 said:

A Thai woman married to a farang can find herself between a rock and a hard place. Put your self in her shoes. On the one hand she loves you and wants to do the right thing by you. On the other hand, her family is always at her wanting this and wanting that.

Regardless of what some other op has said this can be true

My GF (with whom i have a child) has often said to me she is under constant pressure from all relatives.

Not in the fact they ask for money but they are always questioning her about why she does not have this and have that.( I should mention that i support her and my son very well but as yet have refused to buy material things like a house, land and a car)

I have lent money to her close family and always been paid back ( very happy because allowed them to earn substantially more money)

The problem lies in that however much money you give your wife/Gf  (they will always spend it and then want more ( i have seen this many times in other peoples relationships and its a Thai trait) as this is how they have always lived due to the inbuilt expectation to support their family.

All Thais believe you have a bottomless pit of money

I will buy land and a house at some point but it will be placed in my sons name and car in mine.

My GF knows i will not give her any more money unless it it really important (hospital for my son etc) and she knows when i say no it means no, to the extent we can laugh about it together

Foreigners need to understand this and protect themselves from it to a certain extent. I still find it hard to believe that so many people are still losing their  lifes savings when having so much access to this information , Love is blind as they say.

Maybe i am just lucky but i believe it's just down to being prudent and talking to your partner so they understand

 

 

 

 

[Been there done that]

18 minutes ago, Dene16 said:

Regardless of what some other op has said this can be true

My GF (with whom i have a child) has often said to me she is under constant pressure from all relatives.

Not in the fact they ask for money but they are always questioning her about why she does not have this and have that.( I should mention that i support her and my son very well but as yet have refused to buy material things like a house, land and a car)

I have lent money to her close family and always been paid back ( very happy because allowed them to earn substantially more money)

The problem lies in that however much money you give your wife/Gf  (they will always spend it and then want more ( i have seen this many times in other peoples relationships and its a Thai trait) as this is how they have always lived due to the inbuilt expectation to support their family.

All Thais believe you have a bottomless pit of money

I will buy land and a house at some point but it will be placed in my sons name and car in mine.

My GF knows i will not give her any more money unless it it really important (hospital for my son etc) and she knows when i say no it means no, to the extent we can laugh about it together

Foreigners need to understand this and protect themselves from it to a certain extent. I still find it hard to believe that so many people are still losing their  lifes savings when having so much access to this information , Love is blind as they say.

Maybe i am just lucky but i believe it's just down to being prudent and talking to your partner so they understand

 

 

 

 

Seems to me that your gf is not a sincere woman who has good intentions with, and/or loves, you. If she would be she would never accept this and stay with you. She plays along with you, waiting and waiting for ?

[BEVUP]

9 minutes ago, Dene16 said:

Regardless of what some other op has said this can be true

My GF (with whom i have a child) has often said to me she is under constant pressure from all relatives.

Not in the fact they ask for money but they are always questioning her about why she does not have this and have that.( I should mention that i support her and my son very well but as yet have refused to buy material things like a house, land and a car)

I have lent money to her close family and always been paid back ( very happy because allowed them to earn substantially more money)

The problem lies in that however much money you give your wife/Gf  (they will always spend it and then want more ( i have seen this many times in other peoples relationships and its a Thai trait) as this is how they have always lived due to the inbuilt expectation to support their family.

All Thais believe you have a bottomless pit of money

I will buy land and a house at some point but it will be placed in my sons name and car in mine.

My GF knows i will not give her any more money unless it it really important (hospital for my son etc) and she knows when i say no it means no, to the extent we can laugh about it together

Foreigners need to understand this and protect themselves from it to a certain extent. I still find it hard to believe that so many people are still losing their  lifes savings when having so much access to this information , Love is blind as they say.

Maybe i am just lucky but i believe it's just down to being prudent and talking to your partner so they understand

 

 

 

 

Yes agree with this especially about the rock & the hard plate as they actually scour the whole family for funds & I'm sure they come to wife as last resort due to the fact that they know Falangs will be in an up roar & maybe even think that some how the wife had access to such money thinking the falang had nothing to do with it

[MaiChai]

There are good honest people in Thailand. Sounds a hopeless case. Get a good lawyer and start looking at your options? At least you will get half of everything back.

 

Next time get to know your gf before getting hitched. Its not necessary to be the one that pays for everything. A partnership is give and take.

[sandemara]

Whatever you decide to do, don't be so bold or foolisjh enough to think that your wife understands or values openness or transparency in her relationship with you.

Life has always been a struggle, a battle and farang ATM's can be a girl's best friend that should be cherished, never forsaken.  You don't abandon the money tree  when it's so tantalisingly close you can smell the luxuries and bounty waiting to be freed.and enjoyed..

Please note I refer to the money tree, not the person who so naively believes it belongs solely  to some privileged alien who wants to make all the rules.  

If you decide it's time for the old dog (you) to have your day and start making open declarations,  try to establish a new power structure etc  you'll be seen immediately as an unwelcome threat.  

Even poor uneducated people can see a farang who dies because he couldn't resist jumping off a 18th floor balcony raises little concern among local authorities. Happens all the time, doesn't it?

Be smart = don't flag your strategies and get out safely long before anyone can decide they'd be a lot better off with you dead and remembered only for the way you started getting paranoid every time you got drunk and created crazy arguments with your loving wife and her family.  Sad how you changed so quickly and wouldn't seek help from friends. You were always so kind and generous, etc, etc.

Survive. Be smart and safe.

[sandrabbit]

1 hour ago, sandemara said:

Whatever you decide to do, don't be so bold or foolisjh enough to think that your wife understands or values openness or transparency in her relationship with you.

Life has always been a struggle, a battle and farang ATM's can be a girl's best friend that should be cherished, never forsaken.  You don't abandon the money tree  when it's so tantalisingly close you can smell the luxuries and bounty waiting to be freed.and enjoyed..

Please note I refer to the money tree, not the person who so naively believes it belongs solely  to some privileged alien who wants to make all the rules.  

If you decide it's time for the old dog (you) to have your day and start making open declarations,  try to establish a new power structure etc  you'll be seen immediately as an unwelcome threat.  

Even poor uneducated people can see a farang who dies because he couldn't resist jumping off a 18th floor balcony raises little concern among local authorities. Happens all the time, doesn't it?

Be smart = don't flag your strategies and get out safely long before anyone can decide they'd be a lot better off with you dead and remembered only for the way you started getting paranoid every time you got drunk and created crazy arguments with your loving wife and her family.  Sad how you changed so quickly and wouldn't seek help from friends. You were always so kind and generous, etc, etc.

Survive. Be smart and safe.

don't listen to him, he's already been told to fk off from another thread.

[Dene16]

3 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Seems to me that your gf is not a sincere woman who has good intentions with, and/or loves, you. If she would be she would never accept this and stay with you. She plays along with you, waiting and waiting for ?

 

Thank god we all can't be as pessimistic as yourself or we would all be jumping off of balconies.

Sounds to me that you have been burnt once too often if that is your conclusion

What is there not to accept? stay with you?

It was an insight into what the Thai family think and say,  what would you have her do disown them?

waiting and waiting for what? As stated there is nothing to wait for as everything will be in my sons name as she already knows

Yes when i'm dead and gone she will be financially OK but that's certainly not going to be for a long time  I HOPE

If the relationship were to end tomorrow i'd have no regrets, i have a wonderful son (no more because i had the snip after this one) and more than happy with all her family who i get on very well with.

She will often spend money on other children in the village because she states she had nothing when she was young an endearing quality to me

New years we took 10 children in the village to the cinema. did it cost a lot, no. You get out of life what you put in.

 

 

 

[Mansell]

Sad but not unusual story in this country. Walking away is an answer, but you do have a son. Good luck with it all, combined with some tough but good decisions to be made by you. Remember, it isn't going to change....the family and the wife won't change....only you can change, and change the situation with your actions. Sounds like Tough Love is the answer for all this.

[transam]

The negative stories to me are most welcome because they are just something to keep in the back of your head because most of the stories are true..Also the good stories are most welcome because it shows there is happiness to be found in LOS if we show a bit of "give and take".

 

I could write a book about guys who have been shafted that l know about, but I could also write a book on Thai birds that have been down trodden by farang blokes....

[benalibina]

On Sunday, July 16, 2017 at 2:00 AM, Been there done that said:

You.

Deservedly so, family first !

[benalibina]

On Sunday, July 16, 2017 at 8:22 AM, BEVUP said:

Well yes I do take some of the blame (maybe you could say a hard learner ), but this is why these Forums are here so we can learn (may be it late) & the wife was quite normal (well what's normal) for a few years until the family really started to grasp 

Hmmmm.....one wobders why you still believe that the wife will not use the child as a weapon 

[BEVUP]

11 minutes ago, benalibina said:

Hmmmm.....one wobders why you still believe that the wife will not use the child as a weapon 

Because she is not one of the crazy ones that throw a rampage along with knives

Also i control the cash flow & she will just bury her head in the sand on complicated issues

[benalibina]

15 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Because she is not one of the crazy ones that throw a rampage along with knives

Also i control the cash flow & she will just bury her head in the sand on complicated issues

Hmmm....she only gives your hard earned money to her family. 

 

Better you play safe and get out of It by taking your child with you. 

[BEVUP]

10 hours ago, benalibina said:

Hmmm....she only gives your hard earned money to her family. 

 

Better you play safe and get out of It by taking your child with you. 

No can't do that as i work in remote places & I am now in the process of pushing forward so my hard earned cash can't be siphoned 

There's only the house that is in my wifes & sons name (hopefully can't be touched without a court order ) & the car that within a few days of new purchase shall be in my name after losing the 9 yr old vigo with the massive debt 

[thehelmsman]

Like yourself I work overseas, being away for 5-6 mos at a time. it's a tough one, a hard balancing act. Car in your name is a must. Next, keeping a budget for household spending has to be done. I'm not a role model in that dept. as I don't keep a tight rein on my money. We have 1 kid together, house and car paid for, I figure apr 50-60 K bht/mo. gives her a good life when I'm away. When I'm home we spend more.

 

Walking away from your lady is easy but to walk away from kids is so very hard. Especially when you want only the best for them.

[Been there done that]

20 minutes ago, thehelmsman said:

Like yourself I work overseas, being away for 5-6 mos at a time. it's a tough one, a hard balancing act. Car in your name is a must. Next, keeping a budget for household spending has to be done. I'm not a role model in that dept. as I don't keep a tight rein on my money. We have 1 kid together, house and car paid for, I figure apr 50-60 K bht/mo. gives her a good life when I'm away. When I'm home we spend more.

 

Walking away from your lady is easy but to walk away from kids is so very hard. Especially when you want only the best for them.

Career/money or kids, not a difficult choice I think.