How Do You Justify Living Away from Your Family?

[eldragon]

How do you justify living in Thailand, away from your family? I'm mainly thinking about parents who might require some looking after.

[Dmaxdan]

I would think a great deal of TV members parents, like my own have passed on to a better place. As for the rest of my family? Well the only one I'm close to is my sister and we talk regular on FaceTime which is kind of like going to see her even though she is 6000 miles away. 

[Kwasaki]

2 hours ago, eldragon said:

How do you justify living in Thailand, away from your family?

Bliss and cheaper.  

[jak2002003]

Because they are a pain in the backside.  Anyway, can still help them from out here... send the money for the care they might need.  

[KC 71]

When that day comes ,i will be there for them.

[pgrahmm]

Stayed around taking my Dad into my house before it got so bad he had to go to a full time nursing facility.....Had him close to where I worked so could see him at lunches and other times....

Meanwhile my Mom lived 90 miles away and took up the weekends as I looked after her with the help of a kindly neighbor....

Also was raising my daughter as a single Dad....

Dad passed, Mom passed 12 years later & my Daughter was killed in an automobile accident on her way to college at 26.....Shattering...

My first family kids moved years ago Washington & Texas from CA & only show up at funerals to divide the spoils or ask for something - except 1.....

I had a choice to keep chasing a sport around the country without having a home base with only a cemetery to visit my loved ones....

Retired young & loved Thailand and it's people....Only son/child....

Ultimately started a new family & now have 16 & 10 year old daughters......They are doing very good in their lives so far and maybe I can steal back a little of what the world stole from me....Guess I'm doomed to life as a (proud) Dad.....

 

My good daughter in Texas keeps in touch almost daily.....The other one just had her own daughter arrested for 5 warrants & I'm not doubting she probably has a few also....She took up & took off with a gang lifestyle at 13 & really has no regard for rules - except breaking or bending them.....Only loving with her hand out.....Almost incalculable how much was spent trying to straighten her out up to she turned 18......

Life now is easy.....Hard fought for & earned though.....

[soalbundy]

Easy, I don't like them

[SGD]

Though my parents are long gone, I work on the principle that you need to look after your kids as you decided to have them but your parents need to look after themselves.

 

You didn't choose to be born, they chose to have you and if they chose to have you in the expectation that you'd nurse and care for them when they were too old to do it themselves, then you were right and they are the selfish old buggers that you thought they were.

 

Some are different but I see a lot of parents threatening disinheritance if kids don't come fawning. Screw that.

[everett kendall]

I justify it by the cost of living between the US and Thailand.

If I lived there I would have 2 jobs; flipping burgers and then saying " Welcome to Walmart.

[Juan B Tong]

Occupy my self with inane questions.

[thaiguzzi]

Justify?

 

 

[dotpoom]

Maybe they are living away from me?

[zyphodb]

Rather a silly question that smacks of either trolling for a reaction or sour grapes,

 everyone's circumstances are different so there will be as many different answers to it as there are ex pats living here..... 

[MyFriend You]

3 hours ago, pgrahmm said:

Stayed around taking my Dad into my house before it got so bad he had to go to a full time nursing facility.....Had him close to where I worked so could see him at lunches and other times....

Meanwhile my Mom lived 90 miles away and took up the weekends as I looked after her with the help of a kindly neighbor....

Also was raising my daughter as a single Dad....

Dad passed, Mom passed 12 years later & my Daughter was killed in an automobile accident on her way to college at 26.....Shattering...

My first family kids moved years ago Washington & Texas from CA & only show up at funerals to divide the spoils or ask for something - except 1.....

I had a choice to keep chasing a sport around the country without having a home base with only a cemetery to visit my loved ones....

Retired young & loved Thailand and it's people....Only son/child....

Ultimately started a new family & now have 16 & 10 year old daughters......They are doing very good in their lives so far and maybe I can steal back a little of what the world stole from me....Guess I'm doomed to life as a (proud) Dad.....

 

My good daughter in Texas keeps in touch almost daily.....The other one just had her own daughter arrested for 5 warrants & I'm not doubting she probably has a few also....She took up & took off with a gang lifestyle at 13 & really has no regard for rules - except breaking or bending them.....Only loving with her hand out.....Almost incalculable how much was spent trying to straighten her out up to she turned 18......

Life now is easy.....Hard fought for & earned though.....

I applaud your tenacity, most would have given up a long time ago.  Enjoy your days left in LOS.

[bamukloy]

I like to know why the OP use this argument?
Is just a play at guilt?

 

I do not miss many family at all, for all who say nice words when you are away, but miserable, penny pinching farts when you go home.

 

I kind of like how Thais do hand around money to family (even tho is sometimes it is the farang money)

In the west many just just greedily whorde up money and would never consider to give a thing. 

They will die rich and pass on to kids who by this time  will also be to old to use the money.

 

But that is the accepted way in the west.

 

If you are old an gonna die a millionaire then may as well hand some around now,

 

Forget those miserable stooges at home, buy the Thai gf a cheap Isaan house why dont you.555

[nasanews]

If your parents need your help go back and help them, there is plenty of time for your happiness unless you have a relative of yours like a brother or a sister would do the job and you visit them from time to another. Nothing more rewarding like being nice to parents, on the contrary being uncaring to parents would turn back against ones future children disregarding you as a parent or living unlucky life incase you don't have children.

[sandemara]

The "sick water buffalo" always seems to work a treat for many in Thailand, the imaginary brother needs help and support, too. When in Rome ....etc.

[smotherb]

I don't live away from my family. My wife, son, daughter-in-law and grandson are here.

 

My grandson is fourth generation only child and my parents, aunts and uncles are all dead.  Still have some cousins in the States, but we were all living in different places.

 

Never did like being normal.

 

[Kadilo]

I don't need to justify anything fortunately. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. My parents are also unselfish and if I'm happy they are happy. Same goes for my son.


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[4MyEgo]

Had a plan many years ago to move to Thailand in 2015 and bring Mum with us, Dad passed in 2000.

 

Mum is fiercely independent and stubborn and she can still dish it out at 81, she didn't want to come after countless requests.,

 

She entered the shores of Sydney, Australia in 1956 by ship for a better life, she had 4 sons, lost one to alcohol, she has never been on a plane or out of Sydney.

 

We were due to return to Sydney in May 2017, mum had a fall a couple of months earlier, around March while out shopping at the local, ambulance took her to the local hospital, younger brother came to the aid and sorted things out, i.e. made sure she was being cared for and for when she returned home, organised someone to come and cook for her twice a week, and someone to come and clean twice a week, that didn't last long, I did day she was fiercely independent and stubborn, so they were shown the door.

 

My brother from Melbourne (a loser) said he was coming to stay with her to take care of her and have her assessed, I was suspicious and advised my younger brother to keep an eye on him and not to give him her debit card for groceries or he would chew it up, suffice to say he came up and stayed with her for 2 months, unbeknown to me, the truth came out later, he fleeced her $20,000 AUS, how, from her debit card, how, from my younger brother thinking it convenient to give to him as it would save him going over once a week to do the shopping, the brother from Melbourne was being evicted from his place in Melbourne so needed a place to stay and eat and sponge of someone, yes Mum, she would never refuse any of her sons or grand children who would rock up once a week to get money for petrol or smokes or food, but this low life just helped himself. The brother from Melbourne has done a runner, typical C sponging off a pensioner and fleecing her.

 

Mum had another fall a week before we flew to Sydney on 1 May, our scheduled flight, younger brother took over again and mum didn't leave the hospital this time until she was put into respite care and nursing facility due to her Dementia having gotten worse, and hearing going and being blind in one eye, her sugar level (Diabetic) was at 22 which is very dangerous, we also found out later that her Granddaughter (my late brother's child) visited her in hospital and took her debit card unbeknown to mum, because when mum couldn't find it, my younger brother went to bank to cancel it and requested a statement which showed it had been used at petrol stations and supermarkets in the suburb where the granddaughter lives, yep, $6,000 worth, you have got to love family. Neither my brother from Melbourne or the granddaughter have visited mum in the facility, and apparently both know she is there.

 

We saw mum frequently when she was in hospital and then transferred to the facility when we were in Sydney, its been two months now, she is doing really well and is happy to have company, is eating regular and has her diabetic shot daily, sugar down to 9, although the facility doesn't allow her to have a land line or mobile, I do call her once a week, as she has to go down a floor to the office to take the call and isn't much of a chatter box. My younger brother has let me down bug time, becoming defensive when I ask questions about things I have asked him to do for mum, like get her a pair of reading glasses as she lost hers when she was in the hospital, it only took two months for her to get them, I cannot rely on him as he is very busy with his work and family life, he tells me, only for me to tell him that when his late brother was in hospital dying, I would go and feed him in the morning and evening after work because there were times the nurses wouldn't, for whatever reasons, I was there for him everyday, even returning to feed him after being in hospital for 4 days after having a heart attack, and he can only manage a visit to mum once a week if she is lucky.

 

When we lived in Sydney, we made sure Mum would come over every Saturday to see the kids i.e. get her out of the unit and have lunch with us, my wife would prepare 3 separate meals for her to take home for the week, putting them in 14 plastic take away containers for mum to put in the freezer an have for lunch and dinner once microwaved, I would call her 3 times a week and was very sad when the time would come to leave, because I knew she would have a better quality of life here, we even designed the house to have a separate wing for her with a large living room, 2 bedrooms and a bathroom, all she had to do if she wanted to join us, is open a door to the house as opposed to where she was living. When I visited her place prior to leaving to try and find her reading glasses, I almost vomited, how on earth could family allow an old lady, "their Mother" to live in such conditions, at least the facility is like a resort, although a small room, she has enough things to give her the comfort she requires, and plenty of areas to join others and a large yard to sit in the sun which she enjoys.

 

I could go on, but I won't, I do miss her dearly, but had planned my move a long time ago with my family and kids that go to school here, to be away from a too fast pace of life and cost of living to have stayed.

 

I do not miss my brothers, nieces or nephew as they never made an effort to mix in, I suppose the affluent life of the youngest one living in the eastern suburbs meant we are beneath him and his disillusioned ball breaking Princes wife, who forget we all grew up in the same suburb of working class people.

 

Mums place is on the market at the moment and part of the proceeds will pay for the facilities bond, and as power of attorney and executor of her estate, life is going to be very interesting down the track with me living in Thailand, I will leave it at that.  

 

Apologies for the bore.

 

 

[smccolley]

My family is so large and spread out that I never really saw them when I lived in North America. the last time we all got together it cost me 19,000 USD to fly everyone to a central location, and then I had to drive 13 hours because I couldn't afford to fly myself. that was maybe in 2000...

 

So now that I live in thailand it is no different... We use facebook and skype to communicate. I talk to my mothers and my family on skype whenever I get a chance, just have to be awake late...

[anon6596585]

Sounds like the OP is home sick and looking for help to justify staying. 

 

This is the beginning of the end of his Thailand life. 

I give him 2 years.  tops

[bazza73]

I don't see a need to justify myself to anyone.

[dansbkk]

If you have to try and justify living away from your family because of guilt or anxiety, you shouldn't be living this far away.  Life has enough drama without adding more.

[eldragon]

7 hours ago, zyphodb said:

Rather a silly question that smacks of either trolling for a reaction or sour grapes,

 everyone's circumstances are different so there will be as many different answers to it as there are ex pats living here..... 

You could cut and paste this post to just about every thread on TVF. If you don't value "different answers" and the opinions of others, then what other reason is there to come here?

[eldragon]

7 hours ago, bamukloy said:

I like to know why the OP use this argument?
Is just a play at guilt?

 

B/c my parents are getting old and it seems they will one day require the assistance of their children to get by. Seems unfair to put that burden entirely on siblings simply b/c I enjoy living abroad.

[eldragon]

1 hour ago, dansbkk said:

If you have to try and justify living away from your family because of guilt or anxiety, you shouldn't be living this far away.  Life has enough drama without adding more.

I really don't have any other drama. None more important than family. But that's the dilemma, isn't it? I enjoy living abroad, but feel like I have a responsibility to look after my parents back home. 

[nasanews]

6 hours ago, smotherb said:

my parents, aunts and uncles are all dead. 

Off topic seriously 555

[eldragon]

5 hours ago, smccolley said:

My family is so large and spread out that I never really saw them when I lived in North America. the last time we all got together it cost me 19,000 USD to fly everyone to a central location, and then I had to drive 13 hours because I couldn't afford to fly myself. that was maybe in 2000...

 

So now that I live in thailand it is no different... We use facebook and skype to communicate. I talk to my mothers and my family on skype whenever I get a chance, just have to be awake late...

This is a good point. Even when I was living in USA, we didn't get together that often. Maybe once a year or every other year. And that's when I was single. If I had a wife and had to dedicate half (or more ) of my time to her family, it'd probably be less. Anyway, I can visit once a year no matter when on this Earth I live, so I guess it doesn't make a difference if it's in a different country. Although, every time I'm home, they try to talk me into living in South America.

[StreetCowboy]

13 minutes ago, eldragon said:

You could cut and paste this post to just about every thread on TVF. If you don't value "different answers" and the opinions of others, then what other reason is there to come here?

I guess some people just want a yes / no answer.  More specifically, a yes answer. 

 

Personally, I don't think that there is much benefit in reading opinions that are the same as your own.

 

My dear old aged parents are getting on a bit now  and perhaps I should do more to help out.  I recall my dear old mother's resentment in having her mother stay with us for a year or two, which turned out to be fifteen.  It probably benefited me more than my mother, and I am glad of the link to the past, though I didn't think so at the time (Ref. my other thread on that topic, more or less).

 

SC