Bar 'lady drink' etiquette?

[mogandave]

I think generally ladyboys do not try to trick people into going back to the room under the guise of being a real woman.

Rarely would an event line that end well.


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[huli]

On 8/10/2017 at 7:23 PM, WinnieTheKhwai said:

For Huli and others there's probably a lot more I can say about the topic of 'bar etiquette' in general. 

 

Most prominently, keep in mind that bars are still Thailand and Thai culture and manners apply, in many ways even more so than in other places.  Things that gain you karma-brownie-points (to avoid the words 'respect' and 'appreciation') in general life in Thailand are very much the same in bars.

 

So let's hear it for "Thainess".. in no particular order:

 

* Generosity. This is most closely related to the lady drink topic, but keep in mind that there are other ways to be generous. Bar workers who know me also know that I will never ever say no to (partly) funding a food or snack purchase from some vendor.  50-80 Baht does not buy a ladydrink, but it buys a feckload of mystery-meatballs on sticks, that lots of staff can share. You've now demonstrated generosity beyond any doubt.  Even when not buying ladydrinks, you've permanently avoided the tightwad category.  Heck I even bring snacks, fruit or cookies to bars sometimes. Or small gifts and trinkets from Chiang Mai when going to Pattaya. Or, better than just about anything: stuff from Europe or the US after an overseas trip.  Girls often remember this for years, long after I completely forgot about it.

 

* Being considerate. a.k.a. 'mai pen rai'.  Being a bar girl / sex worker can be tough at times. Don't make it harder than it needs to be, also when they make mistakes, are very busy serving drinks, etc.  Don't be demanding.  They open the wrong kind of beer?  Fine, no prob. They open the wrong kind of beer (or make the wrong drink) for another customer who turns that into a big deal: fine, serve it to me.  A group of backpacker ladies break a glass and it turns into a major discussion on if they broke it or the waitress broke it…: (this last week): I nip it in the bud by asking how much a glass costs anyway (80 Baht) and ask the waitress to stop talking and put it on my bill.   Life’s too short, nobody wants to listen to that..  Plus not being demanding in other creative ways like I see so many guys do.. anyone can have an off-day, time of the month, argument with co-worker, whatever.

 

* Being polite, especially when speaking Thai.  You can never be too polite in Thailand, there’s only cred in using slangy terms if you get it spot on, which is unlikely.  Avoid the horrible bar-Tinglish.  Or when speaking English, you can speak English in such a way that almost nobody will understand you (people from the British isles especially suffer from that) or you can speak clearly, and simply, and almost everyone will understand.

 

* Making compliments and showing appreciation, about anything, no matter how small.  Find something to be nice about.  Avoid complaining, or even what many Europeans don’t call complaining but ‘observing’ or ‘asking’ but still with a critical slant on it that can be perceived as negative.  But all small talk is fine, about her kids, her parents, her life, her home town.. inevitably you learn a lot that way, I know I did.

 

* Being honest.  Admittedly this is not the first thing that comes to mind when you hear 'Thainess', but really nobody should ever have a reason to lie about anything in bars.  Don't hide you're married or in a relationship. Mostly because it doesn't matter.  Don't brag, it's not needed. Perhaps one of the best things about bars is that you can really be yourself; it's always good enough.

 

 

Yo Winnie

 

I swear this is one of your best posts ever, we ought to pin it. 

 

I think that the BG bars are underrated. More expats from CM should go and meet a BG. Its fun if you have the right attitude. And the girls will really appreciate you. Buy them 3 drinks and 100 baht tip, they make 250 baht, and you did your good deed for the day. Help the poor.

I always tell them they look great, their ear rings are beautiful, they look young, and still sexy etc. 

After reading your post I think a lot of men will be inclined to give the BG bars another go. If I go to a BG bar for the first time, and pick a BG right away out of the masses to drink with, I always have a good time. Its like shooting fish in a barrel, how can you lose? Its fun to sort out communication and then learn about a Thai person, and a woman besides. 

This thread has proven to be very popular. If members start discussing specific BG bars as being good, us men will want to go check them out. I think thats OK on TV.?

 

Winnie -HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU Aug 13

 

you are so brave to put your birthday on your Profile-few take that "risk" haha

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, huli said:

 

No not last night, how was it? Can you give us a report?

Just went in there to watch the football .

Some of the bars were closed because of the Queens birthday , others were open and not selling alcohol and others were open selling alcohol , 7/11's were also selling alcohol .

    The musician guy was not there and there were 10 or so customers and five or so bargirls .

    Half the customers were backpacker felangs male and female playing pool.

A few bargirls came and said hello , I told them that I just wanted to watch the football

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, huli said:

Its fun to sort out communication and then learn about a Thai person, and a woman besides. 

This thread has proven to be very popular.

Typically , they will have a child back in the village , living with grandparents , who is 16 years younger than them , they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad .

   Their former Thai boyfriend is a bad man who drank too much and hit her and the felang b/f will be coming over at Christmas to visit her .

  She doesnt actually work in the bar as a bargirl, she just goes there some nights to visit her freinds

   If her phones rings , she may not answer, as its a wrong number

[Adbro1]

9 hours ago, sanemax said:

Typically , they will have a child back in the village , living with grandparents , who is 16 years younger than them , they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad .

   Their former Thai boyfriend is a bad man who drank too much and hit her and the felang b/f will be coming over at Christmas to visit her .

  She doesnt actually work in the bar as a bargirl, she just goes there some nights to visit her freinds

   If her phones rings , she may not answer, as its a wrong number

Wow,we both know the same lady.Coincidence much?.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

16 hours ago, sanemax said:

Typically , they will have a child back in the village , living with grandparents , who is 16 years younger than them , they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad.

 

The former is really common; much like many other below-middle class Thai women who are separated from their first boyfriend/husband.  The latter (a kid abroad) not so much; a minority has even visited a Western country, never mind having a kid there.

[happyas]

16 hours ago, sanemax said:

Typically , they will have a child back in the village , living with grandparents , who is 16 years younger than them , they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad .

   Their former Thai boyfriend is a bad man who drank too much and hit her and the felang b/f will be coming over at Christmas to visit her .

  She doesnt actually work in the bar as a bargirl, she just goes there some nights to visit her freinds

   If her phones rings , she may not answer, as its a wrong number

"they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad ."

Typically??

Nonsense.

[XGM]

17 hours ago, sanemax said:

Typically , they will have a child back in the village , living with grandparents , who is 16 years younger than them , they will also have another child with a felang , living abroad .

This is really a disturbing text.

 

Please. Farang. Or maybe forang (short "o"). Not Felang. There is no "eh" sound. And the "l" instead of the "r" is a pronunciation mistake that doesn't need to be repeated.

 

Just pointing out the important things in life. Thank you.

[mogandave]

I do not think the girls in the bars "typically" have kid back in the province. Many do sure, but typically? Not that I have seen.


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[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, mogandave said:

I do not think the girls in the bars "typically" have kid back in the province. Many do sure, but typically? Not that I have seen.


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They may not have a kid back in the province, sometimes the kid lives with them.

Just a wild guess, but IMO many of the BGs that work in farang barbeers have kids. It's hard to hide stretch marks when wearing "sexy" clothes.

[mogandave]

They may not have a kid back in the province, sometimes the kid lives with them.
Just a wild guess, but IMO many of the BGs that work in farang barbeers have kids. It's hard to hide stretch marks when wearing "sexy" clothes.

I agree a lot of them do, but I believe more of them don't.

Stretch marks don't mean anything, but the vertical line below the belly-button is a dead giveaway.

Also, generally the cheaper the club, the higher the percentage of mothers working.

[jeab1980]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

They may not have a kid back in the province, sometimes the kid lives with them.

Just a wild guess, but IMO many of the BGs that work in farang barbeers have kids. It's hard to hide stretch marks when wearing "sexy" clothes.

LOL so that means a lot of the farang punters have had sprogs then. Seeing them come of the beach into the bars with no t shirt more stretch marks than a chinese road map. 

[sanemax]

23 minutes ago, mogandave said:

 

I agree a lot of them do, but I believe more of them don't.
 

 

I would have a guess and say that 75% of them have kids , 50 % of them have two kids and 25 % of them have grand kids .

   O.K, fair enough, not many have felangs kids living abroad , but quite a few have felang "boyfriends" back home working and sending them money regularly and plan to come over at Christmas and visit .

    Thats a bit more than a guess actually , as I know quite a lot of them

Quite a few have HIV as well .

[jeab1980]

2 minutes ago, sanemax said:

I would have a guess and say that 75% of them have kids , 50 % of them have two kids and 25 % of them have grand kids .

   O.K, fair enough, not many have felangs kids living abroad , but quite a few have felang "boyfriends" back home working and sending them money regularly and plan to come over at Christmas and visit .

    Thats a bit more than a guess actually , as I know quite a lot of them

Quite a few have HIV as well .

A very sweeping guess work opinion there.

I agree most higher than 75% would have a sprog at home, which is why they are working there in the first and only place.

As for the other two sweeping guesses you make i would have to see conclusive proof as opposed to guess work.especialy the HIV statement.

[Kadilo]

I would have a guess and say that 75% of them have kids , 50 % of them have two kids and 25 % of them have grand kids .
   O.K, fair enough, not many have felangs kids living abroad , but quite a few have felang "boyfriends" back home working and sending them money regularly and plan to come over at Christmas and visit .
    Thats a bit more than a guess actually , as I know quite a lot of them
Quite a few have HIV as well .

Are you talking about a particular bar in a particular resort that you know "quite a few of them" or are you claiming to know a lot all over the place to enable to come up with your maxpoll


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[sanemax]

11 minutes ago, Kadilo said:

Are you talking about a particular bar in a particular resort that you know "quite a few of them" or are you claiming to know a lot all over the place to enable to come up with your maxpoll
 

  I do often walk down there with a two year old and nearly ever bar , the girls want to say hello to the kid and they usually get their phones out to show me photos of their kids . 

    I have known quite a few of them for a few years , away from the bar scene

Quite a lot of my neighbors are bargirls as well , 

[heybruce]

39 minutes ago, sanemax said:

  I do often walk down there with a two year old and nearly ever bar , the girls want to say hello to the kid and they usually get their phones out to show me photos of their kids . 

    I have known quite a few of them for a few years , away from the bar scene

Quite a lot of my neighbors are bargirls as well , 

And your source for their HIV status?

[mogandave]

And your source for their HIV status?

They confide in him.

[mogandave]

  I do often walk down there with a two year old and nearly ever bar , the girls want to say hello to the kid and they usually get their phones out to show me photos of their kids . 
    I have known quite a few of them for a few years , away from the bar scene
Quite a lot of my neighbors are bargirls as well , 

Where does one live that quite a lot of their neighbors are bargirls?

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, heybruce said:

And your source for their HIV status?

Some of them going for treatment

Some come to CM from the villages to get treatment and fund it by working the bars  .

  When I see them talking to potential customers in bars, I face a dilemma of whether to tell them or not, but, its not my business , so I dont say anything

[mogandave]

Some of them going for treatment
Some come to CM from the villages to get treatment and fund it by working the bars  .
  When I see them talking to potential customers in bars, I face a dilemma of whether to tell them or not, but, its not my business , so I dont say anything

So you see them at treatment?

[dfdgfdfdgs]

On 8/13/2017 at 7:53 AM, brewsterbudgen said:

It's not true that LBs are all taller, have large hands or feet, or speak like men.

 

I disagree with the speak like men part.  They ALL speak weird, their voice is halfway between a man and woman and it's clearly unnatural.  The voice is always the giveaway.  I don't even bother to check their feet or how tall they are, I just wait for their mouth to open.

[kaorop]

1 hour ago, dfdgfdfdgs said:

 

I disagree with the speak like men part.  They ALL speak weird, their voice is halfway between a man and woman and it's clearly unnatural.  The voice is always the giveaway.  I don't even bother to check their feet or how tall they are, I just wait for their mouth to open.

well they do say they are very good with there mouths, not that it matters what you do with who (legally)

[sanemax]

2 hours ago, mogandave said:

 

So you see them at treatment?

 

 No. I see and speak to them in real life, off the record

Those lovely little sweeties who adore you in bars , off the record, in real life, just think customers are pathetic losers who have to pay females to sit and talk to them 

[sanemax]

Maybe I'm jaded  

Lived among the bar girls for years

Different customer every night 

Some for a few nights 

Most saying "I really love you "

Just pay the money, your time is up at midday tomorrow

Thanks for paying for my kids clothes and food 

[amexpat]

I don't think you're jaded, just a prude.  Possibly married and seeing sour grapes everywhere.

 

Most everyone knows:  It's not your girl, just your turn.

 

I've had lots of fun, great times over the years but never heard  "I really love you".

 

If money goes for kid's clothes and food, COOL!  (but don't they need it for all their hiv meds 

and things to use against unsuspecting customers 555?) 

 

 

[happyas]

10 hours ago, dfdgfdfdgs said:

 

I disagree with the speak like men part.  They ALL speak weird, their voice is halfway between a man and woman and it's clearly unnatural.  The voice is always the giveaway.  I don't even bother to check their feet or how tall they are, I just wait for their mouth to open.

"I just wait for their mouth to open."

 

Whoa..whoa.....way too much information on your sexual preferences..

[WinnieTheKhwai]

On 8/13/2017 at 2:47 PM, mogandave said:

I think generally ladyboys do not try to trick people into going back to the room under the guise of being a real woman.

Rarely would an event line that end well.

 

I agree they don't.. especially while sober and thinking straight. But after they're a little drunk it becomes a really tempting thought to be able to pull a 'real man'.  It's pretty much the holy grail for trans people to be identified as a woman, and desired by 'real' men.  Or they might hint at it, but the guy likely also being more than a little intoxicated might not even hear or understand it.   

 

So I agree it makes far more sense to be completely transparent (heh) about it, after all it's not like there's a shortage of men who are into ladyboys, but it does actually happen.  

 

(Although in almost all cases: all you need to do is ask.)

 

16 hours ago, sanemax said:

quite a few have felang "boyfriends" back home working and sending them money regularly and plan to come over at Christmas and visit .

---

I do often walk down there with a two year old and nearly ever bar , the girls want to say hello to the kid and they usually get their phones out to show me photos of their kids .  

 

Yes.. no argument on most having a kid somewhere.  Which is good when you also have (young) kids, it means you have another topic -parenting- to chat about.

 

And as for foreign 'boyfriends': I think that's 100% part of the lifestyle/profession, and not strange at all.  It even makes more sense now than it did in the past, where you can easily have a video chat with a Thai bar girl also when you're in the UK, it's dark and it's February.  Sending her a bit of money now and then out of almost any Western salary may not even be the most frivolous of expenses in one's life, and perhaps an expense that does relatively a lot of good.   So I'm all for that, and would always encourage girls not to be shy about asking.  (Ideally without lying; a lot of Westerners know very well that sending 100 Euros or whatever won't pay for her to quit bar work and they would have no expectation of that whatsoever, it's just to make life a little easier for a person they like, and can come back to see around Christmas. )   ... although.. there's always some thick jealous guy with unrealistic expectations of chastity.. his peculiar perception of life shouldn't be her problem though, and if forced to lie then so be it.. after all.. "are you here because you enjoy being here, or are you here to make money?".  

 

5 hours ago, amexpat said:

I've had lots of fun, great times over the years but never heard  "I really love you".

 

Because you're experienced and wise enough for them not to bother.   If it's a 24 year old dude just off the plane though, I bet he hears it.  (or even a person of any age who's sub-consciously looking for love.  (in all the wrong places..) )

 

Edited August 15, 2017 by WinnieTheKhwai

[mogandave]

I bet if you walked into a strip-joint in the US with a two-year-old girls woman be all over you wanting to chat as well.


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[WinnieTheKhwai]

27 minutes ago, mogandave said:

I bet if you walked into a strip-joint in the US with a two-year-old girls woman be all over you wanting to chat as well.

 

Except they wouldn't let you in.  Also.. the focus seems to be on the money and only on the money.  I've been in a strip joint in a Western country just once, and from that I got the impression that being a stripper (or prostitute for that matter) is a night-job only, galvanically isolated from her real life.  

 

In Thailand it's ALSO a profession first and foremost, of course, but much more intertwined with her lifestyle.   I can't see a sex worker in the West readily sharing family pics or just chatting for an hour.  And imagine bringing a customer to actually meet the family..!  It's really common for people meeting a bargirl in Thailand to be spending non-work leisure time with them, or even travel back to her home village. [I know it still is, I see it on Facebook all the time.]   I think I'd have to spend really a lot of time in Western strip joints to get to that point. :)   [Cynicist's addendum: yes some money would be spent, as no Thai person can visit her family without the expectation of bringing lots of groceries and/or money, and you'd be funding some of that.  however it wouldn't be more money than you'd spent in any night out, and a lot more of an experience.  A lot more of an experience than most tourists/backpackers have, who claim to be big on 'meeting locals'.. well guess who most readily meets locals: sex tourists do. :) ]

 

When I was a lot younger and fresher I actively pursued that, often inviting girls to go hang out somewhere (typically a bunch of waterfalls on Doi Suthep, or Ob Khan, etc.)  And then especially for fairly new girls who had mostly seen bars since arriving in Chiang Mai, plus the occasional market or shopping mall trip.  That was a lot of fun, but I'm a bit too married for that now. 

Edited August 15, 2017 by WinnieTheKhwai