IMO the OP should retreat to a cave, far away from any suggestion of civilisation. Obviously, modern living is becoming far too stressful for him.
I have known several people like him, they are what is termed accident-prone. The simplest function can turn to complete catastrophe.
It's like people who manage to slash their wrists while shelling hard-boiled eggs, break a tooth on a sponge cake, or step into a puddle, only to discover it conceals an uncovered manhole.
There is no help for them, they are cursed by some uncaring god. All we can offer is our sympathy, while wondering how nature made them so gormless.