chickenslegs

If you can lift water without using power of any description, you and Mildred will be richer than Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk combined. Good luck - and put me down for a few shares in your invention.

Some Star Wars jokes: How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the Dark Side. What did Obi-Wan tell Luke when his young apprentice was having a difficult time using chopsticks at the Chinese restaurant? "Use the forks, Luke." Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe-Wan Kenobi Why did Episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was. What do you call it when a Star Wars geek has sex? A Hand Solo.

Home

Are you calling me a puff?

Boots

Will this tropical storm "Lion Rock" be hitting your area tomorrow?

French

Bride

Gods

Congratulations!

Somebody will have to explain this to me ... and please do not use any long words.

Bill

@fangless

Palmer

Just as I was rushing out to work a loft insulation salesman was about to knock at my door. I told him I was in a hurry, so he would have to speak to my wife. I phoned her later but she said "I can't speak now I'm getting felt up in the attic".

With all these months of lockdowns and staying at home I've had plenty of time to catch up on all the household repairs and maintenance that I neglected. Haven't done any of it, but definitely had the time.

Was cleaning out our attic today when I found a dusty old Rolling Stone Magazine. One of the articles was about the late great singer Sam Cooke and had a photo of his report card from school. History ~ Incomplete Biology ~ Incomplete Science ~ Incomplete French ~ Incomplete

@VocalNeal

A man goes onto an Antiques Roadshow with a violin and a painting he found in his attic. "Very interesting." says the antiques expert. "You realise, you've got a genuine Rembrandt and a bona fide Stradivarius here." "That's wonderful - I'm rich!" exclaims the man. "Not so fast, sir." replies the expert - "Rembrandt violins are notorious poor quality and Stradivarius couldn't paint to save his life."

A boy was upstairs playing computer games when his granddad came in the room and sat down on the bed. "What are you doing?" asks granddad. "You're eighteen years old: you’re wasting your life! When I was eighteen I went to Paris; I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, punched the barman and smashed all the glasses, then left without paying. Now that’s how to have a good time." A month or two later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, two black eyes and all his front teeth missing. "What happened?" he asked. "I did what you did!” replied the boy. “I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, felt up one of the dancers on stage, punched the barman and smashed all the glasses. But, when I tried to leave without paying I got the <deleted> beaten out of me!" "Huh,” replied the granddad, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "Who did you go with?" "Just some friends. Why, who did you go with?" "The SS."

Fiendish

Tonight

1) Not clear in the picture, but (from left to right) ON-ON-OFF is correct. Every combination is labelled on the device. 2) Sorry, no idea - using the device to test for a good earth is the extent of my expertise. There are some very knowledgeable people on this forum. Someone will be along shortly to help, I'm sure.