ballpoint

Man walks into the chemist and picks up a packet of condoms. Takes them to the counter. Sales assistant asks "Do you want a bag with them?" He replies, "No thanks, she's not that ugly."

A Northern Territory farm hand radio’s back to the farm manager. "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the truck. He's OK, but he's stuck in the roo-bars. The big problem is that he’s wriggling, hollering and squealing so much, I can't get the fecka out." The Manager says, "OK Benji, there's a .303 Rifle behind the truck seat. Take it, shoot the pig twice in the head, and then you'll be able to remove him." Five minutes later, Benji the farm hand calls back, "I did what you said Boss. Took the .303 Rifle from behind the truck seat and I shot the pig twice in the head and removed him from the truck’s roo-bars. So that's ok, but I still can't go on". "Now what's the <deleted> problem"..??? raged the Manager. "Well Boss, it's his big shiny, motor-bike. The flashing blue light is still going and it’s damn stuck under the right-front wheel arch". "Boss, Boss”. . . !? * “You still there boss?”

To all those I gave books to for Christmas: They're due back at the Library soon. Just a reminder.

Google certainly doesn't know everything. I googled "missing medieval servant boy" and it just said "that page can not be found".

She should call in the Police Squad, and get Frank Drebin on the case.

Some scientists believe that the Tyrannosaurus Rex can't 'clap' their hands because their arms are too short. I think it's because they are all dead.

I put a bet on at the bookies and my horse came in. I said "What the hell are doing in here? You're supposed to be at the race track!

I think I'm getting fat. When I sit in the bathtub the water in the toilet rises.

Let's see what Musk does when Trump starts trashing EVs on Twitter.