ballpoint

I went to that school. The head was called Philip.

I suggest you buy him a hoop and a stick to play with when he's not shovelling coal down the mine. Then he can enjoy the same childhood that so many members in this thread seem to have had.

This thread becomes nuttier by the minute. I'm going to bolt before they multiplier any more.

Now you're torqueing!

Earphones come under the same settings as speakers, as they plug into the same jack. Go to your sound settings, select Speakers as your audio output, and increase the volume if it's set too low.

But her heart's on the other side. He's making a right tit of himself.

Now listen carefully, I shall say this only once: Ze wet celery and ze flying helmet.

Do you come here often?

I went to the dentist earlier. He said "good morning, how's the mouth today?" I said "she's just taken our two boys to school"

My pal Paddy is a bit of a D.I.Y. nut and asked me to come round to see that he had knocked the lounge into another room to make more space. I went in and he asked what i thought. "Well Paddy it doesn't really look much bigger, but it is certainly the tallest I have ever seen"

I was in Leicester and I saw a job advertised for "Gynaecological Assistant". I popped in and asked for more details. "Well," says the receptionist, "you have to help ladies get ready for the examination. Help them out of their underwear, lay them down, apply shaving foam to their private parts and shave them. The job pays £45,000 a year. Only problem is, you have to go to Nottingham." "Is that where the job is?" I asked. "No," she said "that's where the end of the queue for applicants is."