ballpoint

Let's see who had the right childhood to get this one...

I know the feeling. Sometimes I go through the whole drawer before I find one with the concave bit on top.

I rgularly vacuum my kyboard, with no bad ffcts. It's squaky clan.

Yes. Wagner's Valkyries.

Boy, get booted out of one world cup and they want to overthrow the government.

An electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"

Late one evening a Royal Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken. When he finally got to the last hotel, he pleaded to the manager, “You’ve got to have a room somewhere, or just a bed, I don’t care where.” “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a sailor,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.” “No problem,” the tired bootie assured him, “I’ll take it.” The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How did you sleep?” asked the manager. “Never better.” The manager was impressed “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?” “Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the bootie “How’d you manage that?” asked the manager. “He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and after that he sat up all night watching me…”

My wife was born female, she identifies as female. But according to Sainsbury's Deluxe Sticky Toffee Pudding, she's a family of four.

BBC: UK net migration hits all-time record at 504,000. As if we didn't have enough trouble! Now we are being invaded by nets!

A 3 foot 4 inch tall man knocked at my door this morning. I said: "Who are you?" He said: "I'm the meter man".

Prince Andrew is reportedly getting an Amazon Alexa for Christmas. Alexa, 15, will be flying in from Brazil next week.

Henry Winkler sits down on a plane. The stewardess comes over and asks "would you like some head phones.?" He responds “sounds great. But it’s pronounced Fonz.”

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today. Sprayed it all over myself I still can’t fly.