Marrying a "rich" westerner may not be a "dream come true" - says BBC

[smotherb]

18 hours ago, catman20 said:

OK well done grammar teacher you got too much time on your hands.

Oh, pardon me. Now I see, when you say "all" you don't mean "all" you mean "some."

[JLCrab]

35 minutes ago, smotherb said:

You really are clueless.  Because I prefer not being mistaken for an ATM; however, it seems to be all you can manage.

No -- it's because what I want out of this life seems to be different from what you do and you seem to be clueless to that.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, JLCrab said:

No -- it's because what I want out of this life seems to be different from what you do and you seem to be clueless to that.

Talk about clueless; what would make you think I did not see a difference between what you want and what I want? Wasn't that what our banter was all about--you prefer to pay for it and I don't?

[JLCrab]

I have never been married as your Grandpappy suggested. How about you?

[smotherb]

1 minute ago, JLCrab said:

I have never been married as your Grandpappy suggested. How about you?

Did you walk to work or bring your lunch?

[JLCrab]

Well I guess that answers that.

[catman20]

3 hours ago, smotherb said:

Oh, pardon me. Now I see, when you say "all" you don't mean "all" you mean "some."

you again ? go get a life you sad man

Edited September 22, 2017 by catman20

[catman20]

3 hours ago, JLCrab said:

No -- it's because what I want out of this life seems to be different from what you do and you seem to be clueless to that.

smotherb is a jerk, he has nothing better to do than pick people up on whatever they post. hes a very brave man behind a key board.

Edited September 22, 2017 by catman20

[bazza73]

19 hours ago, Thai Ron said:

 

The level of depravity among the expatriate community in this country knows no depths.

 

Why would you need to "control" another human being?

It's a measure of his insecurity.

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, catman20 said:

smotherb is a jerk, he has nothing better to do than pick people up on whatever they post. hes a very brave man behind a key board.

are you so upset because you cannot provide a decent comeback?

[smotherb]

11 hours ago, catman20 said:

you again ? go get a life you sad man

Apparently I have a very fruitful life annoying you.

[BKK1969]

My experience over almost 30 years of marriage to the same Thai girl and having employed 5 girls in a paramedical business for 20 years in a western country, is that it's the girls who are they real victims.

Especially if they emigrate to a western country and are themselves from poor families.

They are under constant pressure to repatriate money home, which they do but can ill afford. This confuses the husbands who take time to understand the tribal nature of these families and the near absence of a welfare state.

It takes the husband many years to realise that the girls are in a bind trying to please both husband and family.

This is a side of the Thai/Farang marriage syndrome seldom discussed on these forums (fora).

Those couples who finally deal with these cultural opposites can make a go of it. 

But it isn't easy. Having said that, I've noticed that the cultural differences tend to be less significant as the ages of the couples become equal.

 

 

[JohnLick]

2 hours ago, BKK1969 said:

Especially if they emigrate to a western country and are themselves from poor families.

They are under constant pressure to repatriate money home, which they do but can ill afford. This confuses the husbands who take time to understand the tribal nature of these families

Well, if you take a tiger out of forest you have to feed it... it won't become a domestic cat anytime soon.

 

(I would say monkey and bananas, but for some reason people find it insulting)

 

Well just find someone nearly equal

[Kieran00001]

3 minutes ago, JohnLick said:

Well, if you take a tiger out of forest you have to feed it... it won't become a domestic cat anytime soon.

 

(I would say monkey and bananas, but for some reason people find it insulting)

 

Well just find someone nearly equal

 

Whatever animals you use it will remain offensive, people being all the same species your analogy is just racist drivel.

[al007]

3 hours ago, BKK1969 said:

 

They are under constant pressure to repatriate money home, which they do but can ill afford. This confuses the husbands who take time to understand the tribal nature of these families and the near absence of a welfare state.

It takes the husband many years to realise that the girls are in a bind trying to please both husband and family.

This is a side of the Thai/Farang marriage syndrome seldom discussed on these forums (fora).

 

 

 

This is very true, and another reason, I know I have to give her family at least the same financial support as she would do if working full time, and that is very closely what I do, except like when grandmother dies I am happy to do a lot more, or son needs motorbike, I buy a nearly new one at auction save some money and good for everyone

 

I did not pay sinsod, it was her second marriage, and there was no problem there, I did however promise to help her family, and maybe I need to look again at that and increase it a little

 

If I do not do this my wife will be uncomfortable and maybe not look after me as well

 

The system works quite well for Thai families, and in some ways is more loving than what we have in the west

 

I know when I am ill the wife and stepsons will do their best to take care of me, another reason I stay here despite having some major illnesses and going back to the UK and NHS

 

 

 

Some of the comments on this thread have deteriorated and are unkind to others may I suggest unecessary

 

 

God Bless

 

[inThailand]

Another topic that ends up with some posters bitch slapping each other. TV the hub of cat fights!

[473geo]

Interesting thread, after reading all 25 pages! every post, I take from this thread the confirmation that every person has differing opportunities, expectation and understanding of where they wish to be in life.

 

I get the impression there are many enjoying married life in Thailand, yes challenges, but the joy of overcoming them is great, and the results can be very satisfying.

 

Sadly there are those who appear to have an inbuilt fear of becoming their favourite acronym an ATM (Not the generous husband and father as some of us would have it!) To you guys I say carry on, because it becomes apparent, your fear of failure, lack of understanding, will lead you nowhere but the place you are.

 

 

[Damrongsak]

Thinking of the original article, " But as Dr Dusadee's course points out to those clamoring for their daughters to "go west" the cultural difficulties make it unlikely to be the bed of roses that many assume will be the case ".  The language and cultural differences do contribute to difficulties.  The generally faster-paced (material) life in the "west", inability to easily communicate subtleties/moods and differences in daily routines can be very frustrating.  Not to mention food, transportation (or lack thereof), weather and etc.  I had the benefit of Peace Corps cultural and language training when I went to Thailand, and I could have left in a heartbeat.

 

I wasn't a "rich" foreigner when we married (25 year old), though I did have a new motorcycle (paid cash saved from summer jobs) and had a whopping 3,000 Baht/mo income (plus medical care) from the Peace Corps. My wife was born in Nong Khai and lived in Loei, so a small town girl, not a hick.  Being of Vietnamese descent,she has a bit of different mindset, so my experience may be a bit different. (I being of German lineage, told our two boys they were "Commie/Nazi". )

 

Anyway, despite a lot of bickering, this thread has been interesting.  As for cultural differences, do you think I should remind my wife on our 39th wedding anniversary next month?  I don't want to rub her nose in it. 

 

Regarding money, my wife has access to a large amount (much of it hers - our firstborn son who was killed in Iraq left the life insurance money to her, as a good son does.)  She also has a right to half of what we socked away for retirement.  She's frugal, she paid the bills and wrote the checks for years. 

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

Interesting thread, after reading all 25 pages! every post, I take from this thread the confirmation that every person has differing opportunities, expectation and understanding of where they wish to be in life.

 

I get the impression there are many enjoying married life in Thailand, yes challenges, but the joy of overcoming them is great, and the results can be very satisfying.

 

Sadly there are those who appear to have an inbuilt fear of becoming their favourite acronym an ATM (Not the generous husband and father as some of us would have it!) To you guys I say carry on, because it becomes apparent, your fear of failure, lack of understanding, will lead you nowhere but the place you are.

 

 

Correction: ATM is NOT an acronym.

It is an interesting question you pose though, what are the expectations of Thai women that marry Western men?

If it was made clear exactly what sort of financial commitment they are getting into many might have to reassess their resources?

Those wealthy enough I would expect should be in a position to marry Hi-So girls with their own income and well off families.

 

[473geo]

5 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Correction: ATM is NOT an acronym.

It is an interesting question you pose though, what are the expectations of Thai women that marry Western men?

If it was made clear exactly what sort of financial commitment they are getting into many might have to reassess their resources?

Those wealthy enough I would expect should be in a position to marry Hi-So girls with their own income and well off families.

 

ATM - What does ATM stand for? The Free Dictionary

acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/ATM

Acronym Definition; ATM: Automated Teller Machine:

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

7 minutes ago, 473geo said:

ATM - What does ATM stand for? The Free Dictionary

acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/ATM

Acronym Definition; ATM: Automated Teller Machine:

Free dictionary is WRONG.

Abbreviation; check the different types.

An "acronym" has to be a pronounceable word...

Check your knowledge of English, it seems to be lacking.

[473geo]

3 minutes ago, George FmplesdaCosteedback said:

Free dictionary is WRONG.

Abbreviation; check the different types.

An "acronym" has to be a pronounceable word...

Check your knowledge of English, it seems to be lacking.

Really - as you wish....I guess don't really give a <deleted> does nothing for my reputation in English either!

[Damrongsak]

I need to get back to Thailand and interview in depth many of these younger gals regarding Thai/older farang marriages or living arrangements.  I might be able to dispel some of their illusions in a short time.  Always glad to help.

[George FmplesdaCosteedback]

2 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Really - as you wish....I guess don't really give a <deleted> does nothing for my reputation in English either!

A pet hate of mine, sorry I didn't meant to offend, just put you right.

 

 

 

 

[473geo]

14 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Check your knowledge of English, it seems to be lacking

Apology accepted - I am struggling with my English it would appear, because in my understanding the phrase above is blunt and offensive

[473geo]

22 minutes ago, Damrongsak said:

I need to get back to Thailand and interview in depth many of these younger gals regarding Thai/older farang marriages or living arrangements.  I might be able to dispel some of their illusions in a short time.  Always glad to help.

If you are referring to the illusion they will be rich if they marry a Farang, I think you may have been beaten to it

[Damrongsak]

473geo,  the proper, pronounceable acronym for ATM is AfTfM.  Automated f'ing Teller f'ing Machine.  Aftfm for short. Invented by bankers, F'emAll.

Edited September 23, 2017 by Damrongsak

[Damrongsak]

8 minutes ago, 473geo said:

If you are referring to the illusion they will be rich if they marry a Farang, I think you may have been beaten to it

Yeah, but there are a few starry-eyed suckers still out there. 

 

But, seriously, I wonder about the statistics of successful marriages between like people and people of different cultures or just slightly different mindsets.

[473geo]

22 minutes ago, Damrongsak said:

Yeah, but there are a few starry-eyed suckers still out there. 

 

But, seriously, I wonder about the statistics of successful marriages between like people and people of different cultures or just slightly different mindsets.

Different mind sets, for example on this thread somebody posted a comment along the lines of - with an Isaan girl the farang cannot converse about "news and current affairs"

Well don't we in the west have a generous over supply of international information fed to us, and celebrity updates, that in reality, has no impact on our daily lives? I enjoy the self interest of village life, and conversations about farming, school, our children, people I know and my wife knows, this I find relaxing. The rest of the world can get on with whatever it is doing, and if I fancy a quick peek, I don't feel the need for my wife to show any interest. All the crap about 'celebrities' in the news is mind numbing, I don't care what they do I don't know them!!

A culture difference, the wai, appears to cover all sorts, but in my world I struggle a little when I do not hear 'thank you' yet I know people are grateful. But that's just me I guess, a part of western culture I can't shake off. I fully understand actions speak louder than words, as a friend once said  "I had a dog I fed on thank yous' it died" I guess he summed up a little Thai thinking.

 

Edited September 23, 2017 by 473geo

[oyster]

On 9/20/2017 at 7:09 AM, TheGhostWithin said:

Yes, the problem is that many do not want to be educated. I know a mother in law that was offered English classes by the government but told them she wouldn't take them, "why would she ever need to learn English?", she told her daughter. The daughter reminded her of her Farang son in law  "Oh, but he will learn Thai", she said. She had forgotten  the number of times she had sniggered at his attempts to communicate in Thai with her because his tone was slightly off or perhaps the wrong word was used. She had failed to notice that he had stopped talking to her more than a year before as a result of that sniggering when he spoke Thai and refusal to learn English, which he percieved as resistance to the reality his daughter was now in a dual culture world. She still continues to try to turn her son in law into a little Thai man, subservient, obedient, but Farang enough to ensure she always gets to order whatever she wants for dinner and shop whereever she wants when out in Bangkok.

 

There are always two sides to the story, and both sides need to be open to be educated before anything will work.

The catch here is Mother in Law.......and a jealous one has ruined many a relationship in many countries, women can be insanely jealous and spiteful - the I want what you have culture kicks in, and then it becomes - if I can't have it I'll spoil it for you. It wrecked a twenty year marriage for me in the UK. Fortunately I have no mother in law in Thailand. I know many Westerners who have married Issan girls - whom they met down south, they and their partners are all very happy........and most live well away from any in laws,