Support for ex-girlfriend?

[OneMoreFarang]

41 minutes ago, sead said:

If its over then its over. Looks like a gf i would keep though but i also suspect she feels you dont like her as much. Thats why she is strange. She doesnt know how to handle the situation. But to buy her out of relation is wrong. First you be a man and break up with her. If she isnt giving you any problem then ask after 1 week how her financial is. If she is totally ok with the breakup then she already has a backup man. 

I didn't write all the details. It wouldn't change the big picture that we are not happy together anymore. I was 10 years together with her and most of the time it was good for both of us. But over time people change and sometimes they move in different directions and if they do that long enough then they won't fit together anymore. If we would have children then probably we would stay together until the children grow up. But we don't have children. There is no good reason to stay together only because it is still somehow acceptable. I guess if we separate now then maybe in a year or two we will both have another relationship or maybe live happily alone. If we don't break up now and live together for another year or two or three what will change? I guess very little. If we would break up i.e. in two years then at the end we would only ask ourselves: Why did we wait so long when it was already obvious that it will end?

About the break up: We are in the middle of it. She does not want to leave and she gives me problems. I try to work it out with her as friendly as possible even if that is difficult. I don't want to throw her out by just changing the lock. I don't want to risk a knife in my back whenever I go out.

[patrick kennedy]

I too understand where your coming from,but from experience this will not work,apart from her continually wanting money she will monitor every move you make and make life difficult in every possible way.Thai women are in my opinion more devious than any other nation,and its always the cake and the halfpenny.The other way you must look at this is,why is she not feeling the same as you are with the relationship?No doubt she seen this coming a long way off,they are very calculating,ask yourself how did the majority of women of her age and more end up with property and cars and, you name it?When you ask yourself then you will find justice in what advice you are getting,the practice and study of us by Thai women brings all into focus.Obviously your decision,just one thing,you dont have money to give away,and hopefully you have many years left in your life,but if you want to live as peacfully as you have done up to now,then put yourself first for a change,this is not for a week or month or short time,break it clean and make a new complete restart.She has had ten years less hardship because of you.Good luck be happy.

[IsaanAlex]

OP, my idea is sound in that it appeals to most Thais short term thinking and needs. 

 

Put some money in her hand to get her out.

 

Put some more money in her hand to keep her out.

 

However, I don't feel that she will develop another option unless it is out of pure survival. Most Thais are too lazy for that.

 

This means that...

 

a. You probably won't be able to have any contact with her at all after the split, and...

 

b. You will probably need to move whether you like it or not.

 

And the reasons for the relationship ending sounds normal...

 

You, as a normal guy, made a few mistakes, and your Thai woman is abusive. This is also very normal.

 

I would expect an absolute battle no matter how you cut it. Money and a good game plan should get a split done. Being too nice or thinking you are going to stay where you are while she gets the heave...likely will end in tears.

 

You are not just dealing with a woman...but a Thai woman. 

 

 

[xylophone]

24 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I get your point but I don't want to move out of the area. This is why I look for a friendly separation, at least as friendly as possible. If things get really bad then I can still think about moving. But that should not be necessary.

That's what I wanted when my relationship ended and I worked hard to try and make it so, just trying to break the ties that bind slowly but surely and there were a few hiccups along the way, however overall it went pretty smoothly, but there are some things to watch out for from both sides (having seen this from the breakup of other friends relationships).

 

Living nearby could mean that you starting another relationship could become problematic especially if jealousy rears its ugly head. I suppose the same could be said about her, and how you would feel if she was starting about with a new man, but then again you have to be prepared for this when you make the break.

 

I don't know your situation, but many men just cannot be alone and I've been very surprised at how inadequate some guys are when they are on their own with regards to taking care of themselves, cooking and managing everyday things/tasks.

 

In this case some guys look for a quick replacement, which as I said can prove a problem.

 

If you are like me, and I like to be on my own and always have done (the five years I spent with my partner seemed to be the right thing to do, but in my case I reverted to the norm) then coping shouldn't be a problem.

 

The only thing that would worry me would be the potential violence should things turn sour, but then I don't know your ex or her family well enough to comment any further; only you can tell if this could be a factor.

 

Now you have decided to go through with it, carry it through as others have suggested and stay strong your conviction that you are doing the right thing because there's nothing worse than looking back on year upon year of an unhappy relationship and realising that you have wasted those years of your life when you could have easily done something about it.

[atyclb]

were the accommodations an improvement over past living standard? how many years did she enjoy this markedly better standard of living x calculate value per year - estimated cost for sex providing maid x number of years = total.... she may need to give you some cash 

[metisdead]

A post using ALL CAPS has been removed as well as a reply, 

[atyclb]

1 hour ago, xylophone said:

And you must be a sad excuse for a human being.

 

 

imo it is nice helping the daughter attend university

[atyclb]

solid advice; get a dog and dont live in a high rise

[OneMoreFarang]

She has a good friend up country a couple of 100km away and she visited her friend many times in the past. I hope she will decide to move to that area because it seems she feel more at home somewhere up country. We spoke about this and it is a possibility. But until now she does not really know what she wants to do.

I am pretty sure she also knows that it does not make much sense to continue with our current relationship. For me the plan for the future is: work and live in the same place just without her. But she has to think about a total different future for her and that is obviously difficult for her. She never thought that she would split up with me and I understand that she needs some time to get used to that idea and think about alternatives.

And it seems for her one big problem is how she should tell this her family. Even if I would be 100% to blame the family will blame her why she was not able to stay with that farang. I supported her father over the years but not with much money. So at least nobody will miss the farang who gave them all the time a lot of money because I never was that guy.

[Prometheus33]

On 24/09/2017 at 3:17 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

Short version: How much support do I have to or should pay to my long time ex-girlfriend?

More info: I lived more than 10 years together with my Thai girlfriend. I met her when she was 17 and we lived together since then. She did not work while we were together. We had good time and bad times but now the bad times are just too much and I decided it does not make sense to continue with this by now failed relationship.

She is not a bad girl, she never cheated, she never stole money or lied to me about something important and I think it's only fair that I support her for some time after we separate.

My idea is that I give her maybe 10,000B per month for 6 or 12 months or something like that.

As far as I know legally I am not required to pay anything. If this is incorrect please let me know.

What do you think is a fair support payment? Should I pay? How much? Any conditions?

Thanks for any ideas.

You are a gentleman and doing the right thing .. 10 years is a very long time to live with someone .. You "owe" your ex (or soon to be ex) not only on legal grounds but also from a moral perspective .. Let no one tell you any different .. 

Good luck !! 

[swissie]

14 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Thanks, that is important and good information. Do you know how much I would have to pay if I would be officially married to her? I didn't have or acquire any major assets so there is nothing to (legally) share.

Since there are no children involved and no major assets were aquired, you have little to worry about.
Hard to imagine, that she would get a better settlement in court than the one you are alredy offering her. Relax!

- The way you described her character/personality, this might be cause for worry. She pestering you to a point, where you may have to change address.
Good luck & cheers.

[Elkski]

Interesting thread.    Sounds like the OP is a stand up type of guy.   

I really can't add much advice.   In terms of % of monthly income what % should he be thinking of providing her for 6 months?   I mean if she knows 10 k is 30%. It means more than 10% .      I'm just thinking in USA in many states it would be a common law marriage.  That may mean much support although I don't know details.     

For sure don't be making a baby now. 

[ToddinChonburi]

I would say zero. 

[dpdp]

On 9/24/2017 at 9:41 PM, swissie said:

I lived in the Thai-Sticks and there, a co-habitation (living under the same roof for 5 years or longer) qualifies as "a marriage", even from a legal point of view.

Like so many other things, this may vary from province to province, amphoe to amphoe.

So, if GF agrees to a 6 month / 10 K per month "settlement" (and even sighning something to that effect), you should go for it, especially if major assets were aquired during the time you were living together.

In case she has trouble finding employment, it won't be long and some of her Thai-friends will advise her "to get more from you", possibly with the help of lawyer, him willing to work on a commission basis.
Better safe than sorry.
Cheers.

 

 

How could a lawyer do anything but steal her money when she as never been anything official for the OP ?

 

She has no right at all, she is nothing.

 

 

[dpdp]

5 hours ago, Elkski said:

Interesting thread.    Sounds like the OP is a stand up type of guy.   

I really can't add much advice.   In terms of % of monthly income what % should he be thinking of providing her for 6 months?   I mean if she knows 10 k is 30%. It means more than 10% .      I'm just thinking in USA in many states it would be a common law marriage.  That may mean much support although I don't know details.     

For sure don't be making a baby now. 

 

This is why we do not live in USA anymore !

 

 

[dpdp]

Why nobody is talking about the most important ? S-X ! It's so clear that the other one isn't acceptable anymore when we have no interest in her body anymore. And it's useless to try to get back together in this situation.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, dpdp said:

Why nobody is talking about the most important ? S-X ! It's so clear that the other one isn't acceptable anymore when we have no interest in her body anymore. And it's useless to try to get back together in this situation.

Maybe that is the only thing which is on your mind but certainly it is not the only thing on my mind. It is important but it's not the only important issue. In my case it's definitely not the problem.

[seancbk]

On 9/24/2017 at 6:09 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

She was a house wife, cleaned the apartment, is a good cook and took care of me. Long time ago she worked in a coffee shop and I a pretty sure she will be able to get a job in a restaurant, pub, something like that. I don't want go give her a one time payment because I don't have much money and I don't want that she spends it all and then comes back for more. My idea is that she should be able to get somewhere a small apartment, find a job and then take care of herself - or find another boyfriend who takes care of her.

I wouldn't say 10k is little money for me. But I think just telling her there is the door, go out and never come back, wouldn't be fair. And, more important, I want that she leaves and if I don't give her any money then likely she will not leave and I don't need that headache.

 

You are a nice person to even think about doing this for her.  So for that you get a thumbs up from me.

Is she based in Bangkok?  How good is her English?  How old is she?    I am always looking for potential staff although I don't have any open positions at the moment.  

[dpdp]

7 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Maybe that is the only thing which is on your mind but certainly it is not the only thing on my mind. It is important but it's not the only important issue. In my case it's definitely not the problem.

 

So you are still very very interested by her body and plan to leave her ? How much I do not believe !

 

 

[Elkski]

1 hour ago, dpdp said:

 

So you are still very very interested by her body and plan to leave her ? How much I do not believe !

 

 

Didn't you read the OP message where he said she holds a grudge.  She gets violent.  OP has even determined  her violent triggers.  She is a picky eater and grumpy when hungry or had 2+ beers.  She gets violent and refuses to change for more than a couple days.   

It's pretty disrespectful to the OP to have you perverts talking about sex on a thread like this. 

[dpdp]

4 hours ago, Elkski said:

Didn't you read the OP message where he said she holds a grudge.  She gets violent.  OP has even determined  her violent triggers.  She is a picky eater and grumpy when hungry or had 2+ beers.  She gets violent and refuses to change for more than a couple days.   

It's pretty disrespectful to the OP to have you perverts talking about sex on a thread like this. 

 

Don't you think that he would accept her as she is if he was still super hhoorrnnyy for her ? This is what he did during 10 years !

 

 

 

 

[Elkski]

Sometimes I can't get prior message text to erase.  Why does this happen.  

Sex is not that hard to find, especially for a younger guy.  Sex is only say 30% of a relationship.   

You think having a woman who lets you do sex is worth sticking around and having things thrown at you or worse.   Or do you suggest going ahead and starting a family to see if she will change.   I don't think the survival if this relationship is up for debate.   He has stated he is sure and she knows it's going to happen.   The guy sounds sharper than most and has tried to understand and change this behavior.  

[theguyfromanotherforum]

You need to give her at least 40,000 a month as you will also need to support her new thai bf. I assume her new 2 bedroom apartment has been taken care of?

 

Don't be a cheap Charlie, geez!

[swissie]

4 hours ago, Elkski said:

Sometimes I can't get prior message text to erase.  Why does this happen.  

Sex is not that hard to find, especially for a younger guy.  Sex is only say 30% of a relationship.   

You think having a woman who lets you do sex is worth sticking around and having things thrown at you or worse.   Or do you suggest going ahead and starting a family to see if she will change.   I don't think the survival if this relationship is up for debate.   He has stated he is sure and she knows it's going to happen.   The guy sounds sharper than most and has tried to understand and change this behavior.  

The main thing is: Don't get exited about "dpdp" comments. He is not a native english speaker and has not made much effort to improve on his English. Clearly, half of what he reads, he doesen't understand.

 

Other language Forums available (like: one new thread per week, yawn!). No wonder that some end up in an "English Forum". Going where the "action" is.

Cheers.

[Elkski]

Dpdp may not know English that well but how can what he wrote have any other meaning?  

He basically says if the OP had sexual desire( horrrny) for this gal why would any other problems matter. 

[OneMoreFarang]

Thanks for all your comments. I appreciate them.

 

In the moment my situation is quiet. She told me she will move and it seems that she has a timing in mind but doesn't want to tell me. Silly games, I am not surprised. I will remind her but don't push her in the moment because I really don't want more stress.

I will report any interesting changes. I know it's always interesting to read how these stories end...

 

P.S.: I ignore dpdp and similar comments from trolls and people who can't read or don't understand.

[swissie]

2 hours ago, Elkski said:

Dpdp may not know English that well but how can what he wrote have any other meaning?  

He basically says if the OP had sexual desire( horrrny) for this gal why would any other problems matter. 

Exactly. OP never mentioned anything about "horny" with regard to the lady. Dpdp has come up with that.

"Lost in translation, I guess".

Cheers.

[neeray]

Yes, please do provide and outcome follow up. Many members have given you comments, some good, some bad (dpdp). I hope all will turn out better for both of you. 

[dpdp]

On 9/27/2017 at 4:03 AM, Elkski said:

Dpdp may not know English that well but how can what he wrote have any other meaning?  

He basically says if the OP had sexual desire( horrrny) for this gal why would any other problems matter. 

 

This is exactly what I said and what all liars on this thread do not want to think about, because they are just liars.

 

 

 

[swissie]

7 hours ago, dpdp said:

 

This is exactly what I said and what all liars on this thread do not want to think about, because they are just liars.

 

 

 

HeHe. We may be talking over each others head. Never mind.

But if you are talking about "liars", you actually may have a point. Few Farangs come here to live, because they like to live in a "finnish-sauna" for 9 months of the year, nor do they come here for the temples.

It's simple and has nothing to do with Rocket Science. They come and stay here for 2 MAIN reasons:
- Low cost of living.
- Low cost of maintaining an amourous relationship.(Relatively).

But I agree: A Farang claiming to have settled in Pattaya because of the pristine beaches and the golf-courses (only) is a "liar". No argument there.

On the other hand: A Farang, living in the sticks with Thai Family, is rarely the one that "lies"...........!
But that is another story.
Cheers.