Is Grandma the boss? She is asking for marriage ceremony with Sin Sod... while the parents don't really care but have to obey Grandma?

[Sydebolle]

Cross cultural marriages are exactly "cross cultural". Tell Granny that there is no such thing like Sinsod in your culture and that you keep the little money for your wife's and your family's future. 

She won't have the guts to address the issue directly so if you address the issue with Granny directly the problem will be solved, once and for all. It would be different normally but you're not only married already but your parents-in-law are cool about it. 

[thaibeachlovers]

In the end it comes down to the wife of the OP. It's her granny, it's her problem.

She knows the finance available ( or in this case not available ). The OP will never be able to solve this- leave it up to her.

[helloagain]

18 hours ago, Denim said:

Well.....first try to get a ball park figure of what grandma is thinking of. Once you know this agree that it is acceptable and that in return you will not ask for a greater amount in your wives dowry.

 

If she doesn't know what a dowry is you can get her a dictionary just in case she is too gobsmacked to believe it from the horses mouth.

 

Come the wedding....you give the cash to grandma ....she gives it to your bride who then piously returns it to you.

 

Face saved all around and everybody happy .....maybe.

 

Failing that see if you can pay by installments  like a mortgage.

Tell grandma sod off. Just another scam on forienger. For thai visa the word sod is not a swear word. Please google it. It means piece of turf. It is down to who wants to marry who what they do. Grandma should keep her nose out of it. 

Edited October 7, 2017 by helloagain
Spelling

[steven100]

so let me get this correct .... 

you haven't contributed one cent to the relationship   ?

you haven't helped the family one bit ... no house ... no car ... no nothing  ?

and now grandma want's something to help the family as you are taking their child away.

hmmmm .....  If I was grandma,  I would insist the daughter have nothing to do with you. 

[whiteman]

agreed

[Stevemercer]

Yes, the grandma is usually the boss of the family. If she has a strong view, then the rest of the family (including your wife) will have to try and keep her happy.

 

Her expectation is that you should contribute to the family to be fully accepted. Once you are fully accepted, then the family is obliged to help you if you ever need it.

 

Your contribution can be material, money of some form of merit making. In Thailand, money is an acceptable substitute for everything.

 

Maybe you and you wife can give a gift to your grandma to keep her happy. A gift of 10,000 Baht, if you can afford it, would go a long way towards her accepting you as part of the family. Give it to her on her next birthday or some other family occasion.

 

[whiteman]

SOUND like he is not only mean but tight fisted this will not end well

[ColeBOzbourne]

19 hours ago, alexlm said:

I don't have any money. I get 14k THB a month from my Mother.

Grandma should go straight to the source and ask your Mother for money. Are you looking for a job? It seems like if your old enough to travel to another country and get married, your Mother should not be supporting you.

[lucjoker]

Promise the grand mother 10 milj bath.

Pay her until she dies 10 bht /month,

In 83 y she will be paid out........so patience to her...

 

[steven100]

sounds like a great start to a relationship ......

what could possibly go wrong  

[MyFriend You]

Is Grandma the Boss????     Yes, but Not only in Thailand, just try to get married in Italy without the Grandmothers permission.............

[alexlm]

1 hour ago, steven100 said:

sounds like a great start to a relationship ......

what could possibly go wrong  

What could possibly go wrong?? yeah? Can you share your high spirit with us?

[alexlm]

1 hour ago, ColeBOzbourne said:

Grandma should go straight to the source and ask your Mother for money. Are you looking for a job? It seems like if your old enough to travel to another country and get married, your Mother should not be supporting you.

You says Grandma should go straight to the source = you are wrong... she would get punched if asking money to my Mother.

You have no idea about my situation and story. Why are you saying this? I'm not looking for job. I was old enough to travel to another country since I was 10, ... but still not able to get married.

Should Mother not be supporting me then?

Complete non sense and not helping at all.

[alexlm]

2 hours ago, steven100 said:

so let me get this correct .... 

you haven't contributed one cent to the relationship   ?

you haven't helped the family one bit ... no house ... no car ... no nothing  ?

and now grandma want's something to help the family as you are taking their child away.

hmmmm .....  If I was grandma,  I would insist the daughter have nothing to do with you. 

My Wife hasn't contributed at all to my Family.

Actually, my Family is paying for her travel expenses. So it's the opposite.

While the Family of my Wife didn't pay anything for me.

Nonsense.

[4MyEgo]

 

The way I see it is, you are a rick farang in their eyes no matter what you say or do, so say and do very little, and let Mrs farang work through it, at the end you will come out of it just fine, and the name cheap Charlie is pretty much a standard calling, especially for us that have some serious coin that others can't get their hands on 555 

 

When and if you do come into some serious coin, you could do as I do, and that is throw it in their faces every now and again...lol 

Edited October 7, 2017 by 4MyEgo

[steven100]

2 hours ago, steven100 said:

so let me get this correct .... 

you haven't contributed one cent to the relationship   ?

you haven't helped the family one bit ... no house ... no car ... no nothing  ?

and now grandma want's something to help the family as you are taking their child away.

hmmmm .....  If I was grandma,  I would insist the daughter have nothing to do with you. 

good luck ....

[realenglish1]

Got to the family and grandmother together and tell them the truth MAN UP

 

Tell them you get  14 K from your mom and you are both already married

 

Tell them you will treat her with great respect

 

The truth will set you free

[Get Real]

15 minutes ago, alexlm said:

What could possibly go wrong?? yeah? Can you share your high spirit with us?

 

11 minutes ago, alexlm said:

You says Grandma should go straight to the source = you are wrong... she would get punched if asking money to my Mother.

You have no idea about my situation and story. Why are you saying this? I'm not looking for job. I was old enough to travel to another country since I was 10, ... but still not able to get married.

Should Mother not be supporting me then?

Complete non sense and not helping at all.

Are you for real, boy? I just can´t call you man because you do live of, and olso think it´s ok, your mother. How old are you? 15?
If you choose to travel to another country and live there. After that marry a woman in that country. Then I guess you have to be the boy that grows up to bee a man and take care of himself and his wife.

If you need more highlighting, just honk the horn. Unbelieveble! 
 

[alexlm]

41 minutes ago, Get Real said:

 

Are you for real, boy? I just can´t call you man because you do live of, and olso think it´s ok, your mother. How old are you? 15?
If you choose to travel to another country and live there. After that marry a woman in that country. Then I guess you have to be the boy that grows up to bee a man and take care of himself and his wife.

If you need more highlighting, just honk the horn. Unbelieveble! 
 

I have to honk the horn because I don't understand how does your content help any reader coming on this thread...

I'm curious about others people Family but you keep talking about mine?

I don't care to be a man as you say.

I'm married. Busy. Happy. What are all those things that you and a bunch of people talk about?

You are a man? Well congratulation that's awesome. How old are you? Do you feel good to talk bad about others people? Judging me about "is it ok to get money from my Mother while I wait to get money from my country". Etc.

Edited October 7, 2017 by alexlm

[jackdd]

Here the first post of OP from 2015, probably i was not the only one wondering:

 

[bazza73]

My understanding is that sin sod is a custom observed only in the more rural parts of Thailand, and it is only applicable if the female in question is a virgin. Just say you have no money. As for the village gossip, ignore it. They have nothing better to do with their lives anyway.

[Coconut007]

4 hours ago, steven100 said:

so let me get this correct .... 

 

you haven't helped the family one bit ... no house ... no car ... no nothing  ?

So what?

 

Would you give foreign gf parents a house and a car? For some reason this is sought after behavior when marrying a hooker in Thailand. Right before building another house in now wife's name and ideally buying her a business from whatever you have left :-d

[richard_smith237]

12 minutes ago, bazza73 said:

My understanding is that sin sod is a custom observed only in the more rural parts of Thailand, and it is only applicable if the female in question is a virgin. Just say you have no money. As for the village gossip, ignore it. They have nothing better to do with their lives anyway.

 

This is incorrect... Sin Sod is a custom throughout Thailand and thoughout the socio-economic spectrum. Sometimes its returned, sometimes it isn't.

It may not be so common if the lady in question was previously married, otherwise its universally paid as part of the marriage formalities. 

 

With regards to the specific issue at hand - it would appear that the Grandmother is attempting to use her influence as the family senior to pull a fast one. 

 

The village gossips are just that, but they can make life a little embarrassing for the folks. Perhaps a small wedding party wouldn't hurt with a small amount of Sin-Sod for 'show' which can be returned to the Op - of course, this is all down to his negotiation skills with the parents. Or, if he simply doesn't care then there is no reason to entertain such options.

 

 

[Get Real]

1 hour ago, alexlm said:

I have to honk the horn because I don't understand how does your content help any reader coming on this thread...

I'm curious about others people Family but you keep talking about mine?

I don't care to be a man as you say.

I'm married. Busy. Happy. What are all those things that you and a bunch of people talk about?

You are a man? Well congratulation that's awesome. How old are you? Do you feel good to talk bad about others people? Judging me about "is it ok to get money from my Mother while I wait to get money from my country". Etc.

Okey! Here´s my answer. No it´s not common for people to live like that. Most people that comes to stay in Thailand do not even come close to your misarable situation.
Mostly the ones that get married here and relocate do it with enough money to can live a worry free life. All of thoose would feel very stupid to be in your shoes.

Was that better?

[i claudius]

I was never asked for sin sod.mind you we were married in the UK and her parents are not badly off. When the pound collapsed in 2008 i did borrow 600k off them to put towards my 800k yearly visa .to save changing cash.big mistake it fell so much lower[emoji26]

Sent from my SM-A720F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[cyberfarang]

The impression I get is that the women`s family believe the OP is taking advantage of their daughter/granddaughter, by partly making her financially support him more likely her contribution is from working and having virtually nothing to offer his wife. The OP has already mentioned he was married to his Thai wife for visa purposes. Now it seems the family and Thai community are pushing the issue having genuine concerns about their family member. This issue has possibly been brought on by the OP`s wife maybe discussing her discontentment with her friends and family as most Thais are very close with their families, then it`s not long before the word spreads around.

 

I am mentioning this because to be perfectly honest, the OP is not the type of guy I would wish upon my daughter and I`m sure many parents would feel the same. All I can say is; if the OP is unable to reverse the roles and be 100% supportive for his wife, then he should move on and let his wife find success with someone who can provide for her better, meaning you can`t have your cake and eat it.

Edited October 7, 2017 by cyberfarang

[alexlm]

2 hours ago, jackdd said:

Here the first post of OP from 2015, probably i was not the only one wondering:

 

 

This is not my article. It's not me. when you click on the link it leads to a shitty Thai room. And the Thread is not mine.

Edited October 7, 2017 by alexlm

[alexlm]

1 hour ago, Get Real said:

Okey! Here´s my answer. No it´s not common for people to live like that. Most people that comes to stay in Thailand do not even come close to your misarable situation.
Mostly the ones that get married here and relocate do it with enough money to can live a worry free life. All of thoose would feel very stupid to be in your shoes.

Was that better?

I would feel more stupid to live like shit in an expensive country while I can live better here. 14k THB in my home country won't even pay a shitty room.

[Stevemercer]

My Thai wife had already been married twice before, when I married her, and had 2 kids. The head of the family (grandma) could not ask for sin sod, but accepted me into the family when I gave her a gift of 10,000 Baht. Of course, once she accepted me everyone else did.

 

She had never smiled at me before, but after giving her money I could do no wrong in her eyes.

 

Of course, it is more complicated than this, but the fact that you are willing to make a contribution to the family (via grandma) is a big plus in your favour. For example, giving her a gift of 5,000 Baht each birthday will make a big difference in her attitude to you.

 

[jackdd]

7 minutes ago, alexlm said:

 

This is not my article. It's not me. when you click on the link it leads to a shitty Thai room. And the Thread is not mine.

And if you click on the link "alexlm replied to a topic" then you actually see the post that you made back then