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The Gentleman’s Art Of Insults

Featured Replies

The Gentleman’s Art Of Insults

These do sound a bit better than the common 'tosser', 'wnaker' etc... :o

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

-- Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”

-- Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”

-- Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”

-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”

-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”

-- Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

-- Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

-- Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

-- Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend… if you have one.”

-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”

-- Winston Churchill, in response

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

-- Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”

-- John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”

-- Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”

-- Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”

-- Paul Keating

“He has delusions of adequacy.” (I used this one on Tornado a while back which resulted in another suspension for the poor lad)! :D

-- Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”

-- Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”

-- Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”

-- Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”

-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”

-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”

-- Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

-- Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

-- Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

-- Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”

-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

~August Strindberg

you were so ugly when you were born, the doctor slapped your mother. :D

BY TERRY 57. :o

Another Winston.... directed at a close female friend I believe.

"yes madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober, you will still be ugly"

class

Another Winston.... directed at a close female friend I believe.

"yes madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober, you will still be ugly"

class

Hey Thad, I think it was Lady Astor, but not sure, and I don't think they were friends, well not afterwards anyway :o

Good Luck

Moss

Nancy Astor also said, "Mr Churchill, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." To which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Scouse.

Nancy Astor also said, "Mr Churchill, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." To which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Scouse.

So they were friends then :o

Good Luck

Moss

Nancy Astor also said, "Mr Churchill, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." To which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Scouse.

So they were friends then :o

Good Luck

Moss

It's such a classical retort.

Nancy Astor also said, "Mr Churchill, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." To which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

Scouse.

Blast....... I was saving that one for later. mai pben rai :o

Another Winston.... directed at a close female friend I believe.

"yes madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober, you will still be ugly"

class

Hey Thad, I think it was Lady Astor, but not sure, and I don't think they were friends, well not afterwards anyway :o

Good Luck

Moss

It certainly was Moss, I left out the name intentionally (didn't want to make it too easy to google :D )

Sir Winston came out with some corkers in his life...... Boon Mee would love this one:-

"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things."

And as this is about insults..........

"Clement Attlee is a modest man who has a good deal to be modest about."

OK,,,,the gentlemanly art of insults....here goes....

You're all a bunch of asssholes!!

Hows that?

Chownah

You did OK on the insult part, but it wasn't exactly gentlemanly! :o

I never forget a face...but in your case I will make an exception....Groucho Marx

You are not a total idiot....there are parts of you missing....unknown

It is not your brain that is the problem but your ability to use it....unkown

Ok, Ok....thanks for the advise....I guess you're right it wasn't exactly gentlemanly....let me try again..

"Gentlemen, if you would excuse me for a moment. After having logged onto this fine Bedlam Forum I've wanted to tell you this one thing: "you Sirs are flaming asssholes" and now I shall take my departure."

Is that better?

Chownah

Congratulations Boon Mee on starting such a genial thread.

Nice to know that the habits of a lifetime can changed.

In appreciation I offer two I found which amused me :

"I am not going to spend any time whatsoever in

attacking the Foreign Secretary. If we complain

about the tune, there is no reason to attack the

monkey when the organ grinder is present."

Aneurin Bevan

This is a bit off topic as it is more a commentary

on the art of insult. But there is an implied insult

all the same.

"No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British,

which amazes Americans, who do not understand

studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute."

Paul Gallico

:o

Ok, Ok....thanks for the advise....I guess you're right it wasn't exactly gentlemanly....let me try again..

"Gentlemen, if you would excuse me for a moment. After having logged onto this fine Bedlam Forum I've wanted to tell you this one thing: "you Sirs are flaming asssholes" and now I shall take my departure."

Is that better?

Chownah

I'll get me coat!

Ok, Ok....thanks for the advise....I guess you're right it wasn't exactly gentlemanly....let me try again..

"Gentlemen, if you would excuse me for a moment. After having logged onto this fine Bedlam Forum I've wanted to tell you this one thing: "you Sirs are flaming asssholes" and now I shall take my departure."

Is that better?

Chownah

I'll get me coat!

:o

Good Luck

Moss

"I love children.....especially girl children, about 18 or 20."

W.C. Fields :o

(Also the man behind my signature)

Bloke walked into a bar one morning...very hungover....

His mate retorted....

If your looking for your self respect....you left it over there....

:o

A Scottish TV show called Still Game had a line that I loved. Someone remarked on how fat one of the main characters was getting fat, to which he replied:

"Every time I shag your mother she makes me a sandwich"

Not as subtle as Churchill!

Not as subtle as Churchill!

Few were......

I personally have nothing against my cousins over the pond, but this is a good 'Churchill'

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."

P.S. ... I've had a wonderful day, but this wasn't it :o

Caddyshack 1980

Did any movie ever have more hilarious insults per minute?

"Thank you very little." Ty Webb to Danny Noonan

"Oh, this's your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity." Al Czervik to Judge & Mrs. Smails

"Last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it." Al Czervik to some woman.

"What a hat .... you buy a hat like this I bet you get a bowl of soup with it .... oh, looks good on you though." Al Czervik in the pro shop and then to Judge Smails.

"My uncle says you got a screw loose" "Your uncle molests collies." Lacy Underall and Ty Webb

"No more slacking off!" "I'll slack you off you fuzzy little foreigner." Groundskeeper Sandy and Carl Spackler

"I thought you'd be the man to beat this year." "I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself." Dr. Beeper and Ty Webb

"And tell the cook this is low grade dog food ..... This steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it." Al Czervik to the waiter.

"You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running, and I'm no slouch myself." "Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch." Judge Smails and Ty Webb

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