A cautionary tale about meeting people online

[Jingthing]

Online dating / hookup apps are super popular now.

Many more "traditional" meeting places are closing all over the world. 

But how safe is it to meet people that way?

This tragic story happened in both the USA and Mexico, perhaps both usually more dangerous than Thailand.

But I still think this topic is worthy of discussion.

 

Quote

The love of his life was lured into a deadly trap. Then so was he.

...

“In Mexico, you cannot trust anybody,” Donnie said, “including the police.”

 

 

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/the-love-of-his-life-was-lured-into-a-deadly-trap-then-so-was-he/2017/11/12/81a4cd30-b93e-11e7-9e58-e6288544af98_story.html

 

[Scott]

I am very, very suspicious of meeting anyone on line.   I don't even like chatting with someone online.  

[Jingthing]

Well, two times in my life I've been alone with people that seemed possibly interested in murdering me. The first time I met him the old fashioned way at a party.  I went on a trip with him to his private cabin in the mountains and then he turned out to be psychotic.

 

The second time was an online thing. This guy was into strangling and seeing the fear. That one was definitely a closer call. 

Edited November 14, 2017 by Jingthing

[isaanbanhou]

A tried and true method of hookups is being celebrated at the Schwules museum in Berlin. The museum ( rated a 3.5 out of 5 by tripadvisor) focuses on the struggles of the Gay Movement in Germany. I highly recommend this celebration of Gay culture.

 

http://www.schwulesmuseum.de/en/exhibitions/view/marc-martin-fenster-zum-klo-public-toilets-private-affairs

 

[dfdgfdfdgs]

I think the sort of examples posted in the article are just as likely to happen when you meet people in real life, if not more likely.  I don't see this as an online issue.  The article has just taken 2 instances that coincidentally involved people that met other people online.

[smo]

On 12/7/2017 at 10:15 PM, dfdgfdfdgs said:

I think the sort of examples posted in the article are just as likely to happen when you meet people in real life, if not more likely.  I don't see this as an online issue.  The article has just taken 2 instances that coincidentally involved people that met other people online.

Finally a post that makes sense.

 

Online dating is as safe or as dangerous as you make it, same with air travel, plastic surgery or finding a good auto mechanic. Speaking from personal experience: back home in southern California, home of "Baywatch" and "Real Housewives of Orange County," my sex life went through a "renaissance" boom(-boom) in the last decade thanks to good old rickety Craigslist. We're looking at a period when iphone 4 had just come out (and out of most people budget range), so CL and my pentium-slow pc had to shoulder the task. I might post an ad sometime in the afternoon and less than a day or two later around lunch time we'd be already squealing like pigs between the sheets. That might not be fast enough for today's smartphone apps users; call me old-fashioned but that bit of time lapse between ad and action was crucial to my MO. To create a safety zone that people nowadays don't seem to bother with.

 

Come to think of it, it might have been less safe - and downright burdensome - for those who expressed interest in my CL ad to actually get to meet me than vice versa. At first my vetting was to such extent that one young prospect remarked that he felt " as if I was going in for the SAT exam!" From that comment, I relaxed my guidelines somewhat. But in this line of social interaction, you've got to take care of your partner and yourself first and foremost. Safety and its first cousin, discretion, are the names of the game: after the initial response, a body pic exchange, a phone (voice) chat and a starbucks face to face meeting were to follow. Strictly in that order and no skipping, given the latitude that each step lasted no more than a few minutes and both parties were free to back out at any stage. By the time we moved from public to private settings, who was going to do what to whom and how had already been agreed upon. Now the main safeguard was the where? Either at my place if local, or in their hotel room if from out of town visiting (in this instance I would insist on meeting in the hotel lobby first.) Going to someone's lair was an absolute no-no (yes, I've watched "Silence of the lambs".) 

 

Soon after I had got that arrangement down pat, I found myself running a low-key, low-maintenance little harem (just like your local diner.) A couple of lines of text and splat! There's a man in my bed (now we call that sexting.) A revolving group of "returning" guests - just your ordinary guy next door/town/state demographic  - so much so whenever my phone chimed an SMS my first thought would be "oh, if it's Tuesday, it must be Dick!" I bought condoms in bulk. A friend joked that I was doing "community" (sex) services! As previously mentioned, my main strategy was posting the ad (I rarely responded to someone else', a waste of time in my book) then thoroughly vetting the offers. As a result, the ones who finally came through had already been well "scrubbed" by my selection criteria - usually a clean-cut, not too sexually experienced dude, somewhat (or very) "curious," looking for a safe venue to explore, or "fresh meat" in my parlance - in short, less complicated and more eager than the types you often see online these days. My philosophy was by showing a bit of class, maturity and deliberation you will likely be attracting same. Those were the days, my friend...

Edited December 21, 2017 by smo

[scorecard]

On 12/7/2017 at 10:15 PM, dfdgfdfdgs said:

I think the sort of examples posted in the article are just as likely to happen when you meet people in real life, if not more likely.  I don't see this as an online issue.  The article has just taken 2 instances that coincidentally involved people that met other people online.

 

How true, gay folks or not gay folks. Our Thai female neighbor married her 4th farang husband 12 months ago.

 

The first three passed away, all within about 18 months of marriage, she now a very wealthy woman, 65 yrs, slim and a good looker for her age. She tells other Thai women how easy it is to meet older farang men on dedicated on-line dating sites.

 

And here's the twist, between the death of a husband and finding the next husband several times she's had very young (19 - 23 yo) Thai gigolos, live-in.

 

Edited December 25, 2017 by scorecard

[473geo]

17 minutes ago, scorecard said:

 

How true, gay folks or not gay folks. Our Thai female neighbor married her 4th farang husband 12 months ago.

 

The first three passed away, all within about 18 months of marriage, she now a very wealthy woman, 65 yrs, slim and a good looker for her age. She tells other Thai women how easy it is to meet older farang men on dedicated on-line dating sites.

 

And here's the twist, between the death of a husband and finding the next husband several times she's had very young (19 - 23 yo) Thai gigolos, live-in.

 

Obviously she gets some serious training in, before shagging the new husband to death!

[JemJem]

In my younger and sort of reckless days, when Internet was fairly new, I met guys from online a few times. But very few times, and even back then, I did so only after corresponding with them at least a few times via e-mail and phone. Fortunately, I never had any problems.

 

But, in recent years, I have become more and more cautious about all this. I have hardly ever met anyone from online in the last 15 years or so.

[onthemoon]

11 hours ago, JemJem said:

In my younger and sort of reckless days, when Internet was fairly new, I met guys from online a few times. But very few times, and even back then, I did so only after corresponding with them at least a few times via e-mail and phone. Fortunately, I never had any problems.

 

But, in recent years, I have become more and more cautious about all this. I have hardly ever met anyone from online in the last 15 years or so.

When the internet was fairly new, many of the guys using online dating apps hadn't even been born yet. I prefer to meet people in pubs and bars in person. I think it is a generational thing.

[JemJem]

15 hours ago, onthemoon said:

When the internet was fairly new, many of the guys using online dating apps hadn't even been born yet. I prefer to meet people in pubs and bars in person. I think it is a generational thing.

Yes.

 

By the way, those online dating apps......I haven't even downloaded any of them yet. I doubt that I ever will :)  They are even riskier than the traditional online dating sites, I think.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

On 11/14/2017 at 12:56 AM, Scott said:

I am very, very suspicious of meeting anyone on line.   I don't even like chatting with someone online.  

 

Hi

[Scott]

7 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Hi

Well, "Hi" to you.

 

[onthemoon]

9 hours ago, JemJem said:

Yes.

 

By the way, those online dating apps......I haven't even downloaded any of them yet. I doubt that I ever will :)  They are even riskier than the traditional online dating sites, I think.

That's what I am saying: You and me are old. ;-)

[onthemoon]

9 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

Hi

Nice to "meet" you (here on the internet).

[Rc2702]

My brothers the worst he's always using those look up apps. Like a takeaway website.  he's soulless I'd love it if he found a boyfriend.