How Does Your Partner Rate?

[jamman]

I'm simply asking what points in your rating system would you give to your hands and do they rank higher or lower than some of your girl friends?

Ha ha ha. That's so funny.

I was right - you are more interested in spitting than in conversing. Bye.

[meom]

If that's your interpretation ok no problem no need to talk. Up to you as they say.

[jamman]

If that's your interpretation ok no problem no need to talk. Up to you as they say.

I was getting a bit frustrated and cranky is all.

[jbowman1993]

That can happen when the sensible side of your brain balks at assigning numerical value to a women, like a piece of meat. Maybe there is hope for you after all.....

[Robski]

What are you going on about. I'm not winging, and I'm over.

If you think a public forum is not a place for discussing such issues, that is your neurosis, not mine.

As for perfection, I'm not clear as to why you mention it. I'm talking about priorities, and understanding what I want. That does not equate to demanding perfection.

Post #6

[Momo8]

BOSSY- gets angry when you check out other girls and tells you to stop

NAGGY-asks you to stop leaving your smelly socks and skid marked underwear all over the place

GETS FAT-she actually eats and is not suffering from the "Barbie doll" syndrome

PSYCHPATH CRUELTY- she changes the locks because you didn't come home for two nights straight

PSYCHO JELOUSY-can go under "bossy" how about she refuses to participate when you suggest a threesome?

Edited January 19, 2007 by Momo8

[jamman]

That can happen when the sensible side of your brain balks at assigning numerical value to a women, like a piece of meat. Maybe there is hope for you after all.....

I understand that you are not here to hone clear thinking. You like the community, the battle. Out of place people who use out of place words are targets to you - assault. You are a jock, and I am a geek.

I could ask you what you mean, why you don't like numbers regarding what we are attracted to. You will answer with some unrelated insult.

I could try to keep the conversation focused.

We live in different worlds. Conversation, that I want, won't happen with you. Conversation that you like, won't happen with me.

What is it about beauty pagents, about assessing someone, about noticing things that we like, that makes you feel someone is being "objectified"? We are all also objects, and we are not all equal - and you prefer some people to others. Numbers are not impersonal.

[OlRedEyes]

Ya, I've had some existential criseses also. I like that kind of puzzle. I'm having one now. I have no idea what matters.

I'm not concerned about burn out. As to things mattering, having meaning or not, I have a burning, undying curiosity. There doesn't have to be a reason to be curious. Life force courses in me, reason or no. As for intensity, I have no interest in lessening it - in fact I do chi-kung meditations that raise intensity to dangerous and perhaps insane levels. What else is a body to do? Turning down the volume is not my aim - I don't want that kind of cessation of suffering.

I can no longer say with my previous certaintly that nihilism is a confusion, but from a strict hedonistic point of view, it seems nihilism doesn't take into account that meaningless wisdom is better than meaningless ignorance. Give me more.

I became friends with an interesting guy a few years ago. A real go-getting achiever. CEO of a listed company. Live hard, play hard. Intelligent, nice guy, but very intense. Tells me he regularly sees his doctor because his overactive. His second fridge at home is filled to the brim with Red Bull. Sometimes intensity makes you lose it.

Wisdom and understanding is pleasure. Simple. There doesn't have to be a meaning attached. Thats why we seek it. Doesn't mean of course that we always achieve it. There is always so much more to understand, and reassess, if you want to. Nobody will ever get there.

I notice some of your replies in this thread. You seem to lack flexibility and adaptability to some extent. This because of the intensity. You end up not seeing the wood from the trees.

Unless you tend towards some sort of balance in your life, you will head down a path of self-destruction. Overindulgence in any direction will take you there.

Your only destination is death. Take it easy and smell the earth, explore the pleasures, enjoy the warmth of someones smiling eyes and the satisfaction of helping a fellow traveler along the way. All the Desiderata-type crap. Not as a replacement for your need to understand, but as an addition, a counterbalance. Be careful of the inflexibility that intensity brings. It shows in you inability to understand the lines that some posters throw at you.

But never lose the drive to explore, experience and push the limits. Tend towards balance, but don't try to achieve it.

What a lot of crap I sprout.

[Robski]

A very good post ORE. You certainly put it across better than the rest of us, very serene, very sublime.

Jamman take note, these are the things that you live and learn, why do it the hard way when somebody can show you a better path, refocus your energy and find the happiness that you seek within yourself.

Peace.

[Momo8]

OK then what about giving YOURSELF a numerical value just to make things fair for all!

[jamman]

OK then what about giving YOURSELF a numerical value just to make things fair for all!

Yes, after giving numbers to most of the important women I've had in my live, I went and gave myself a number, for how I was with each of them. The number for one seemed a bit high, and I worried if i was being narcissistic. One ex saw all my numbers, (I had emailed her, as her score was twice the average), and she told me that she rated me at least as high as I had rated myself. Can't say what the others would rate me though. My numbers varied quite a lot, depending on the relationship.

Edited January 20, 2007 by jamman

[jamman]

Wisdom and understanding is pleasure. Simple. There doesn't have to be a meaning attached. Thats why we seek it. Doesn't mean of course that we always achieve it. There is always so much more to understand, and reassess, if you want to. Nobody will ever get there.

I notice some of your replies in this thread. You seem to lack flexibility and adaptability to some extent. This because of the intensity. You end up not seeing the wood from the trees.

Unless you tend towards some sort of balance in your life, you will head down a path of self-destruction. Overindulgence in any direction will take you there.

I'm not sure sure what to make of your reply and advice. I don't see myself as unballanced. I don't work too hard, and I'm not stressed about achieving any particular thing. I don't see your impression of me being inflexible as accurate either. It's difficult to communicate on a web forum - all we get are words. I like to be accurate with words - perhaps that comes accross as being inflexible. In my relationships, I don't think people see me as particularly anal or demanding or inflexible at all.

Ya I agree with you that life is to enjoy. We all have our different ways of getting pleasure. Some ways that work for me might appear to you as somehow too inflexible or intense, such as my interests in philosophy and precice language. But my interests give me pleasure.

Edited January 20, 2007 by jamman

[jamman]

The gestalt of your post has been haunting me, with vague queries.

I would not mind answers that divulged my weaknesses. I would not mind knowing of blank spots, things I don't know.

Instead my mind gurgled up ideas about your questions.

It seems that you see intensity as a mental imbalance. That strong emotions are equated in you as problematic ones. And that having a viewpoint is seen as being inflexible.

My view is that life is to enjoy, to live it well is to enjoy it and partake of it. Unbounded pleasure is f*ing intense, and will cause some pain, somewhere or somewhen. Having a viewpoint doesn't mean that we can't see other viewpoints. We can hold our personal viewpoint and still maintain an educated environmental awareness. Some viewpoints more closely mirror our sensory inputs than others - that is why technology has sent people to the moon and prayer has not.

Intensity of feeling is not mental imballance - there is not burnout threat. I do understand serious mental crisis. I've had a serious one myself. But there is no need to asociate them with intensity. Crisis comes from irresolvable conflict.

Edited January 21, 2007 by jamman

[jamman]

I know this thread is dead, but I came across this on a blog, and it seemed relevent:

-----------

"In the latest GQ issue, Jake Gyllenhaal was asked if he plans to have children. I thought his response was pleasantly funny and intelligent.

He responded:

“I’m definitely thinking about that. Look - the most important job for a man is to find the right woman. It’s the best we can do. I thank my father for choosing my mother. She’s wonderful in so many ways. And she chose well, too. I’ve noticed in life that the mother, first, has a primary job - and as a father, our job is to pick a caring, smart, mindful woman.”

----------

Someone posted some other good advice on the Thaivisa forum which stuck with me. Date, date, date, until you find a keeper. And how to recognize when to stop looking around? I know I have not always been as clear as I should have been about that, and should have kept dating.

[Robski]

GQ?, read Krishnamurti. Please.

[jamman]

GQ?, read Krishnamurti. Please.

In my post I mentioned that "I came accross this on a blog", meaning that those are not my words. I don't even know what GQ magazine is.

I haven't read Krisnamurti since I was 20, but I recall the impression that his teachings did neither stress skillful means of increasing insight, nor were they as complete as others that captured my attention more, such as Zen, Mahayana, Madyamaka, Mahamudra and Ati Buddhist teachings. It seems too easy to interpret the higher "don't do anything" teachings in ways that are nearly meaningless, and don't hone awareness.

Edited January 23, 2007 by jamman

[Robski]

I would say 100% that Krishnamurti does focus on awareness and most definately has a modern understanding of the search for ideals, happiness and freedom, it would be difficult for anyone to follow what he says completely, but as a pointer in the right direction he can be invaluable.

He was raised to be a religious leader, but rejected religion and conformity in favor of rationallity and philosophy.

I'm glad you have read him, maybe you should try another look, time may have given you a deeper understanding.

GQ is a mens 'fashion magazine' the kind that promotes androgenous conformity and celebrity lifestyles, ok if that's what drives you, but as a source of information I would say that it is shallow and formatted.

This is not directed at you personally, it's more of a comment; I have noticed amonst some of my younger friends, especially those in their twenties to disregard books in favor of finding information on the internet, there was a time years ago when a book could have the power to influence a whole generation and even to change the course of history, but the only books now that are big sellers are fiction.

We live in an age of the instant answer and I have found that in some respects it puts a lower value on accumulated knowledge or progressive rationallity, this manifests itself in irrationallity, impatience and cynicism. Just a thought, nothing personal.

Peace.

Edited January 24, 2007 by Robski

[jamman]

I would say 100% that Krishnamurti does focus on awareness and most definately has a modern understanding of the search for ideals, happiness and freedom, it would be difficult for anyone to follow what he says completely, but as a pointer in the right direction he can be invaluable.

He was raised to be a religious leader, but rejected religion and conformity in favor of rationallity and philosophy.

I'm glad you have read him, maybe you should try another look, time may have given you a deeper understanding.

GQ is a mens 'fashion magazine' the kind that promotes androgenous conformity and celebrity lifestyles, ok if that's what drives you, but as a source of information I would say that it is shallow and formatted.

This is not directed at you personally, it's more of a comment; I have noticed amonst some of my younger friends, especially those in their twenties to disregard books in favor of finding information on the internet, there was a time years ago when a book could have the power to influence a whole generation and even to change the course of history, but the only books now that are big sellers are fiction.

We live in an age of the instant answer and I have found that in some respects it puts a lower value on accumulated knowledge or progressive rationallity, this manifests itself in irrationallity, impatience and cynicism. Just a thought, nothing personal.

Peace.

Interesting response. Ok, I'll read him again. Books are are difficult to get in Manado though. I'll have to find out how to get them shipped here through the internet.

I like your perception "promotes androgenous conformity and celebrity lifestyles". Ya, the androgenous conformity can be invisible to a person growing up within it. For me it took living in SE Asia to allow myself to be what a man is.

You are right that books can be extremely influential, especially during the formative late teen and early twenties years. I've heard that after about age 24 most people only refine their knowledge, but don't much deeply transform. And some books have inspired personal transformation. In my teens I was always carrying around books like the then most recent Baba Ram Dass ecclectic book of meditations, Zen Mind Beginners Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki, or some Frank Herbert Sci Fi paperback. Books that changed how my eyes worked.

Is it true that people are reading less books now? That culture is conforming to a lower denominator than before? Or was there always mediocrity, and we just didn't notice it as much back then?

I've thought that the internet, rather than dull conversation down, has allowed for a new flourishing of literacy. People write letters again. Emails, and forum posts. People learn through practice to choose careful words. Of course there will always be mediocre emailers and forum posters, but people are at least writing at all.

Edited January 24, 2007 by jamman

[Robski]

Is it true that people are reading less books now? That culture is conforming to a lower denominator than before? Or was there always mediocrity, and we just didn't notice it as much back then?

I've thought that the internet, rather than dull conversation down, has allowed for a new flourishing of literacy. People write letters again. Emails, and forum posts. People learn through practice to choose careful words. Of course there will always be mediocre emailers and forum posters, but people are at least writing at all.

People are actually reading more books and they are are more available than ever, the growth is in fiction, but also self help. I would rather read than watch TV, there are some very thought provoking books that I have read lately, but the medium is diluted and I have to be very selective or lucky to come accross something inspirational.

Books just don't have the impact that they used to have, imagery is the modern medium to promote a message and the more desensitized to images we become the more shocking they need to be to grab our attention, and only the truly most shocking have the power that a good book once had, to change mass conciousness.

I agree that certainly the internet is a tremendous innovation that promotes literacy, knowledge as well as communication.

I've found though, that a reliance on it as a source of information amongst some of my friends has kind of turned them off thinking for themselves, or finding knowledge from their own or others personal knowledge, like a 'now' generation that seem impatient with the more difficult prospect of waiting for the answer or the experience to form an opinion in themselves.

This is evolution and only being a little older can I see this happening, it's a normal progression I suppose, and even then only amongst some and I certainly don't want to generalise about all internet users.

[jamman]

I notice some of your replies in this thread. You seem to lack flexibility and adaptability to some extent. This because of the intensity. You end up not seeing the wood from the trees.

Unless you tend towards some sort of balance in your life, you will head down a path of self-destruction. Overindulgence in any direction will take you there.

Your only destination is death. Take it easy and smell the earth, explore the pleasures, enjoy the warmth of someones smiling eyes and the satisfaction of helping a fellow traveler along the way.

I wrote an email to a family member today, that seemed on topic with your comments:

I had the same discussion yesterday on chat - comparing lust to love. It's true, I say that I fall in love very quickly. I don't call it falling in lust, because lust is associated with a restricted set of feelings, that don't include the feelings in the heart. I do fall in lust, yes, but no only lust. The infatuation gets inside all of my body, belly, heart, brain, skin - everything. It can happen fast. I nearly asked some stranger to marry me yesterday - if I could speak Indonesian maybe I would have. Some sales clerk at the shopping mall is just so incredibly cute and attractive. I told her so. I think the compliment thrilled her. Yes, ok, so I'm nuts - too passionate - as you know, I was born that way - in love by four if not sooner - and the years don't mellow me one bit. That is who I am, that is what I do.

So Manado is a good place for me, because I'm constantly falling in love/lust/passion with everybody, and when I look at a young woman, it is clear in my eyes my interest. And they look back at me. People here are not shy to meet my gaze, and I get a lot of very interested gazes. People are checking me out, all the time - I'm like some rock star here. I'm always flirting. Today at the internet cafe I got the phone number of the clerk. She doesn't speak English very well, but seems a good cheerful young woman. Its so fun to gaze into these beautiful women, with my hot eyes - they look back and I feel through our eyes as if we are kissing. It is like that with very many women here - I can't stop the heat in my eyes, and I don't have to. It's a very friendly town. There is an 18 year old little virgin who works at my apartment, and I flirted with her this morning. Told her she is cute. Last night I was flirting with two lovely women, and took them and my buddy Chakra out to Karaoke, and then the disco. People seem to like the attention, and I have plenty of attention to give - pretty girls totally hypnotize and fascinate me - I could stare forever. I fall in love 10 times a day, and have thoughts of marriage and babies all the time. If I were very wealthy, I'd consider having 10 wives, all in different cities, and having babies with all them. Maybe I'm nuts - but whatever I am - that is the way I am. Meditating didn't make me less passionate, time didn't make me less passionate. I am like this, and I have always been like this. It's just me - I'm built this way. No use for me to receive advice to relax - I can't. I am like this. In a constant, permanent state of arousal and love and lust. That's me. Forty years so far.

..I suspect me and Silvie will not be a couple. That hurts a bit, as I did fall for her somewhat already. I'm not sure if that is called love, or what it is called, but the best words I have is that I fell in love with her a bit already. I thought of marriage, I thought of babies, I wanted to be close to her all the time, I wanted to kiss her all the time, I felt more complete if I was touching her, I wanted and needed her, was made happy by her, inhaled her scent as precious as oxygen. I don't know what name I should give to those feelings. Infatuation? Love? She could own me if she wanted me. Keep me completely. And she could feel my obvious interest emanating from my body, and burning into her from my eyes.

Some people think I'm too intense. I can't help it. I just am this way. More often than not, the intensity is appreciated. It is what I do. It is my prayer.