Daughter disowns father for having younger Thai GF

[Been there done that]

46 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

I thought that my writing "maybe" made that clear.

I could have said "possibly", "perhaps", or "conceivably".

Maybe it is his wife posting on here today.  Her english might not be that good 

Edited December 15, 2017 by Been there done that
Typing error

[Timbob]

26 minutes ago, Gregster said:

She’s not asking or forbidding her dad anything. She’s simply said to him ... “date who you want and be happy. But if you choose an Asian who is more than 5 years younger than you, then I don’t want you in my life.”

Hope this clarifies.

That's emotional blackmail. 

 

Other than talking her around, maybe his only option is to keep his GF a secret from her. I am assuming he lives here and she is overseas.

[JLCrab]

What might be a workable compromise is to tell the daughter that -- when he visits Australia and her family -- the Thai GF/wife will remain in Thailand or at least in some other city in Australia.

[Timbob]

14 minutes ago, MaeJoMTB said:

Lost my English daughter, don't think I lost my grandchildren cos she appears to be a lesbian.

Got 4 sons though, so no biggy.

 

Would I trade my future happiness, for someone in my past?

Not likely.

 

After 10 years of no contact, she turned up in CM earlier this year and emailed me, wondering if I wanted to meet up, I didn't bother to reply, too old to be playing those sorts of games.

You seem almost proud and I'm unsure why.

 

And how is this helpful to the OP's friend?

[MaeJoMTB]

5 minutes ago, Timbob said:

And how is this helpful to the OP's friend?

He wanted to hear from people in a similar situation, and I told him.

https://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/1015876-daughter-disowns-father-for-having-younger-thai-gf/?do=findComment&comment=12537355

None of you appear to be in similar situations, but you're all busy flapping your mouths.

Edited December 15, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[Gillyflower]

On 12/14/2017 at 9:18 AM, Gregster said:

He and his daughter were always “good mates”. They shared many interests and had a lot of quality time together, especially after separating from her mother.

He was anything but a “parent who just opened his wallet for her”.

"good mates"..Perhaps they were too close.  Perhaps she slipped into the role of the wife.  Please I'm not suggesting anything sexual or anything like that, but couples are close.  They discuss, share etc.  Perhaps she feels that this part will be taken away from her.  Mind you a woman nearer to her age could take over the same role quite easily.  

 

I am inclined to think that she feels that a young chick could take money that should be hers, and of course present her with a sibling or two.  Same thing.  The money.

[Nemises]

 
Other than talking her around, maybe his only option is to keep his GF a secret from her. I am assuming he lives here and she is overseas.

Thanks. I suggested the exact same thing - given he’s in Thailand and his daughter is overseas.

But doing that will involve him having to tell many lies to his daughter and others. And WHEN she eventually finds him out he will may lose a lot of credibility with most other family members and friends who, unlike his daughter, have no problem with him having a much younger Thai GF.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎12‎/‎14‎/‎2017 at 2:11 PM, billd766 said:

It has never happened to me but if I were in his position I would try to explain to my daughter that she has her own life to live as I have mine.

 

In his case he has supported his daughter all her life so far and now it is his turn to make his own life for himself.

 

I choose what is acceptable to me.

 

You don't mention if his wife had died or they had divorced as the reason why he has a Thai GF but IMHO if he is happy with his Thai GF then stick with her.

 

It is your friends grandchildren who will suffer the most from loss of contact and the problem is completely in his daughters court.

 

Again IMHO she has no right to interfere in her fathers life especially as it involved the children and their grandfather. She sounds a bit spoilt and always wants HER own way.

She's a selfish, ungrateful ***** and he should tell her that she is his daughter and has no right to demand anything of him. Then he should ask for a refund of all the money he spent on her.

He should also say he will cut her out of his will if she denies him seeing his grandchildren.

 

This is an example of why I hate PC which is poisoning western people's minds.

Edited December 15, 2017 by thaibeachlovers

[manarak]

I would just continue to be a good father and ignore what she says about MY girlfriend. I would also tell her that.

 

Quote

I am inclined to think that she feels that a young chick could take money that should be hers, and of course present her with a sibling or two.  Same thing.  The money.

yes, very likely.

 

[Been there done that]

10 minutes ago, Gregster said:

 

Thanks. I suggested the exact same thing - given he’s in Thailand and his daughter is overseas.

But doing that will involve him having to tell many lies to his daughter and others. And WHEN she eventually finds him out he will may lose a lot of credibility with most other family members and friends who, unlike his daughter, have no problem with him having a much younger Thai GF.
 

 

To learn how to tell lies, he is in the right place for that.

[thaibeachlovers]

55 minutes ago, JLCrab said:

What might be a workable compromise is to tell the daughter that -- when he visits Australia and her family -- the Thai GF/wife will remain in Thailand or at least in some other city in Australia.

That's kowtowing to his daughter's unreasonable demands. He should man up and say that either she accepts him for what he is or she will be cut out of his will. However, I agree that the GF should stay in LOS while he goes to Australia. It's not like she's his wife.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, NancyL said:

Gregster, you're receiving some very reasonable and plausible explanations as to why this problem is the daughter's problem and how it is that she could have developed this attitude you keep coming back in saying, she's not racist, doesn't care about the GF's social status or money, how they meet, etc.  In effect, you're defending the daughter.

 

Plain and simple, the "demands" the daughter is making are unreasonable.  They'd be unreasonable for any family member to make to another.  Heck, Hubby and I are more than five years apart in age and we married when we were both in our twenties.  This narrow "five year" age gap limitation makes even less sense for someone of the mature age of your friend.

 

And the part about "non-Asian" is clearly racist, even though the daughter claims to "have Asian friends and co-workers".  That's a cop-out plain and simple.  As in Judge Roy Moore's wife claiming her husband wasn't anti-semantic because "one of our lawyers is a Jew".  That comment alone points to them being racist.  They can't even describe the person properly as "Jewish", as in "practicing the Jewish faith" instead of using the term as a near-slur.

 

.....but I digress and may derail this tread, which I don't want to do.

 

The fact is that the wishes of adult children have little bearing over the romantic life decisions of parents, unless the adult children can convince a court that the parent isn't competent to make their own decisions.

I was with you till you brought Moore into it, so I can't give you a like for that post. 

[keithpa]

I dont believe this  topic is genuine.

[canuckamuck]

1 hour ago, Gregster said:

 

 

Lots of off-topic postings now happening unfortunately.

The guy just wants to work out a way to not “lose” his daughter and grandchildren.

Any assistance to help him would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

Well Obviously the answer would be to not date an Asian. If he is unwilling to do that then he is taking the chance she is serious. Her request is unfair however so he needs to decide if he wants to keep a relationship with someone who is emotionally blackmailing him for selfish reasons.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, Gregster said:

 

 

Lots of off-topic postings now happening unfortunately.

The guy just wants to work out a way to not “lose” his daughter and grandchildren.

Any assistance to help him would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

There's no advice he can get that will allow him to keep his daughter and his GF. Either he bows to his daughter and gives up on his happiness, in which case he will resent her for the rest of his life, or he mans up and accepts that life is unfair, but at least he can enjoy his life.

[thaibeachlovers]

6 hours ago, Gregster said:

 

 

Thanks, but daddy is not alone nor resentful of daughter’s inferences. He actually understands his daughter’s position. He’s just wondering if others have had this happen to them and if they found a solution to somehow keep seeing their children and their children’s kids.

From what I understand his daughter is financially secure and has a highly paid, secure management position in a large and respectable law firm. Her husband has his own, very profitable business. They own a number of properties. She is wealthy, she clearly does not need access to “daddy’s ATM”, nor has she needed his financial support for many years.

It’s not just the 5 year age difference issue. It’s the COMBINATION of >5 years plus Asia.

 

 

Given that none of that information was included in the OP, I fail to see how the OP expects relevant information.

The only thing I can offer, while irrelevant, is for him to man up and tell the ungrateful sprog to naff off till she accepts that he is not beholden to her dictats.

[JLCrab]

23 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

That's kowtowing to his daughter's unreasonable demands. He should man up and say that either she accepts him for what he is or she will be cut out of his will. However, I agree that the GF should stay in LOS while he goes to Australia. It's not like she's his wife.

Sometimes it takes a man-up to compromise. The daughter is maybe acting in at least what she feels is the best interests of her family. And the stated goal of the father is to still be able to see his daughter and grand kids. It also may be that the daughter and her husband have more money than the father so financial threats won't cut it

Edited December 15, 2017 by JLCrab

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

Is it possible that the Daughter is seeing more than what the Op lets on.

 

What type of lady is the Ops friend with?... is she well educated, financially independent, without dept etc... Or is she someone who may rely on the Ops friend for financial security ?

 

IF the Thai lady in question is financially independent and is not likely to be attracted to the Ops friend for reasons purely based on financial security then the Ops Friends Daughter is being harsh and its up to the Op's friend to ensure his daughter knows this. 

 

IF the Thai lady in question is poorly educated and financially dependent on the Op then there is a strong probability that she is in the relationship for financial security and the Ops Friends Daughter recognizes this... in which case the Ops friend may be making a fool of himself (as many men do over here).

 

 

Doesn't matter. Daughter has no right to tell father what to do, PERIOD.

Different if she is just concerned and wants to discuss but not demand.

[gusincebu]

She's a selfish, ungrateful ***** and he should tell her that she is his daughter and has no right to demand anything of him. Then he should ask for a refund of all the money he spent on her.
He should also say he will cut her out of his will if she denies him seeing his grandchildren.
 
This is an example of why I hate PC which is poisoning western people's minds.

Perhaps make an appointment to see her at her law firm .. for the purpose of making some variations to his will !
( even better , make it with one of her Asian partners :) )

Sent from my SM-T535 using Tapatalk

[Berkshire]

1 hour ago, Gregster said:

Lots of off-topic postings now happening unfortunately.

The guy just wants to work out a way to not “lose” his daughter and grandchildren.

Any assistance to help him would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 

 

Ok then, how about this:  He should do what she says....and make sure he surrenders his backbone and self-respect at the door.  Go back home.  Get her to find out when the next meet-and-greet is at the local nursing home.  He will be there! 

[maximillian]

16 hours ago, Aussieroaming said:

I think that he should listen to his daughter,

ditch the girlfriend and find a model 20 years younger.

My ex wife once told me: "you need to find an aphrodisiacum."

That's what I did. She is 23, her name is Lucy...

[maximillian]

I'm in a similar situation like OP's friend.

My son, soon 36, has cut our relationship when I moved to Thailand 7 years ago.

He never gave me a reason, he never answered my mails or letters.

I'm still talking to my ex wife but she won't tell me anything about my son's reasons.

Maybe bc he knows that I dislike his wife. Up to him, but it hurts a bit.

 

Sorry, cannot give any other advise to OP's friend than wait a few years while you live and enjoy YOUR life.

[Nemises]

I'm in a similar situation like OP's friend. My son, soon 36, has cut our relationship when I moved to Thailand 7 years ago.

He never gave me a reason, he never answered my mails or letters.

I'm still talking to my ex wife but she won't tell me anything about my son's reasons.

Maybe bc he knows that I dislike his wife. Up to him, but it hurts a bit.

 

Sorry, cannot give any other advise to OP's friend than wait a few years while you live and enjoy YOUR life.

 

 

Sincere thanks maximillian.... and also to the other Dads’ posts who have been in a similar situation.

 

 As mentioned in the OP it’s you Dads (who have been through this sort of stuff) that I was hoping to hear from.

 

 

 

 

[transam]

33 minutes ago, maximillian said:

I'm in a similar situation like OP's friend.

My son, soon 36, has cut our relationship when I moved to Thailand 7 years ago.

He never gave me a reason, he never answered my mails or letters.

I'm still talking to my ex wife but she won't tell me anything about my son's reasons.

Maybe bc he knows that I dislike his wife. Up to him, but it hurts a bit.

 

Sorry, cannot give any other advise to OP's friend than wait a few years while you live and enjoy YOUR life.

My daughter doesn't want to contact me since I moved to LOS...Mrs.Trans and I went to the UK in 2008 so she could meet the family, my mum and dad, who were divorce about 40 years earlier, they were absolutely great when meeting the Mrs, went to my daughters house and you could have cut the air with a knife.......Sod it, l thought...Stay in your own world where your own hubby is servicing a bird on the side which we know about..

 

Forgot, my daughters hubby is 12 years older than her....Yep, I am scratching my head too...

Edited December 15, 2017 by metisdead
Oversize and intrusive emoji removed.

[SidJames]

I understand the accepted rule for a younger partner is half your age plus 7 & that's goes for either sex or gender.

[grollies]

2 minutes ago, SidJames said:

I understand the accepted rule for a younger partner is half your age plus 7 & that's goes for either sex or gender.

What, there's a formula for this???

[Rhys]

When she needs money from you she will change her standards... your life and happiness.... you find someone you want to be with and she wants to be with you.. HANG the <deleted> on...   Let the daughter deal with it..  Happy holidays.

 

[mauGR1]

24 minutes ago, Gregster said:

 

Sincere thanks maximillian.... and also to the other Dads’ posts who have been in a similar situation.

 

 As mentioned in the OP it’s you Dads (who have been through this sort of stuff) that I was hoping to hear from.

 

 

 

 

It seems there are a few dads in the same situation, my children, now 30 and 31 went very cold when i moved to Thailand, now i talk with my daughter, but never heard a word from my son since 6 or 7 years.

For some reason, Thailand has not a great reputation in western countries, lately i caught my cousin lying to some friend, telling him that i live in Indonesia

It seems that bigotry is still alive and well.

 

[grollies]

1 minute ago, mauGR1 said:

It seems there are a few dads in the same situation, my children, now 30 and 31 went very cold when i moved to Thailand, now i talk with my daughter, but never heard a word from my son since 6 or 7 years.

For some reason, Thailand has not a great reputation in western countries, lately i caught my cousin lying to some friend, telling him that i live in Indonesia

It seems that bigotry is still alive and well.

 

Nail just been hit on head.

 

Bigotry, pure and simple. UK no different to Aus in that respect and it usually comes from the middle classes.

 

I'm very sad for you loosing contact with your son, that must hurt a lot.

[pgrahmm]

I have 2 daughters living in the states....

The one that has conned - duped - manipulated everybody/everything she could get her hands on since she was a teen basically is unheard from since I'm not around to manipulate.....

As a matter of fact, she helped me make my decision to move here by declaring one day out of the blue "I think I'll pack up the kids (mongrels) and move in with you in Calif" - you need somebody to take care of you....She never calls unless she wants something & it's always an earache & a head scrambling headache after contact......We've basically lost contact & I don't miss it...  

Daughter #2 - 11 months older has worked hard every day....They own their house & have built a successful business that serves about 3 counties in Texas....She would love to have me around because I ran a similar business with 5,000 employees & she'd like to get me semi involved in building/refining their business.....BUT....

She recognizes I'm happy here & she's got a couple of sisters here which she never has questioned....We communicate via messenger almost every day exchanging jokes or family goings on......

She has no use for her sister's approach to life & only hears from her when she wants something....

 

2 girls - 11 months apart....One as selfish/user/abuser as the day is long....

The other is a good hearted, kind, hard working, responsible adult....

The manipulator cut off the communication.....

The good one accepted & embraces her & our/my life with no demands.....

I don't like manipulators - family or not I don't keep them in my life....

 

The OP is getting manipulated....

Edited December 15, 2017 by pgrahmm