Does My Partner Understand Me?

[tukkytuktuk]

I've been married for 15 years now. I met my wife on holiday here. When I met her she hardly spoke English at all. Now she can speak English really well. We chat and talk everyday, but does she really understand me or is she just being polite and pretending to understand me. Sometimes I really wonder if she understands me. This can be frustrating and cause a bit of friction because of the Thai face culture. I know a bit of Thai and can try to use that to explain but not in detail. 

 

I guess that's what you get marrying a foreigner. You'll never have great conversations and know everything they say. It just reminds me of a movie I watched when I was a kid, Jeremiah Johnson. Robert Redford marrys a native American Indian and she can't speak a word of English. It's like that sometimes, you know? Endulge me, tell me I'm not alone.

 

 

[mauGR1]

You are not alone, i guess.

But you could ask yourself if it's worth your efforts.

I decided, a few years ago, that it's not.

[tukkytuktuk]

42 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

You are not alone, i guess.

But you could ask yourself if it's worth your efforts.

I decided, a few years ago, that it's not.

Do you mean, is it worth all the effort to try to understand my wife?

Of course, it helps a lot.

You decided not to try an understand your partner. Hmm, not for me. I'd be thinking too much.

[mauGR1]

7 minutes ago, tukkytuktuk said:

Do you mean, is it worth all the effort to try to understand my wife?

Of course, it helps a lot.

You decided not to try an understand your partner. Hmm, not for me. I'd be thinking too much.

Of course you try to understand your wife.

Still it's frustrating if you are the only one doing the effort.

I'm still trying my best to understand women and other complicate things, i just decided that, for my peace of mind, it's not worth to have a woman living with me :)

[Happy Grumpy]

Quote

Does My Partner Understand Me?

 

She probably neither understands you, nor cares that she doesn't.

 

 

 

As long as the monthly salary is on time every month.

[tukkytuktuk]

11 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

Of course you try to understand your wife.

Still it's frustrating if you are the only one doing the effort.

I'm still trying my best to understand women and other complicate things, i just decided that, for my peace of mind, it's not worth to have a woman living with me :)

Better than having a man. I have just been browsing the internet and came across an article in the BP about an Irishman (Alister Breedee) and his partner got married today. Is this a sick joke? It's not in the Nation yet but when it does you'll see a huge response to this breaking news. It's just mad.

[Rc2702]

15 years in and just came to this conclusion.

 

Oh dear.

 

 

[mauGR1]

1 minute ago, tukkytuktuk said:

Better than having a man. I have just been browsing the internet and came across an article in the BP about an Irishman (Alister Breedee) and his partner got married today. Is this a sick joke? It's not in the Nation yet but when it does you'll see a huge response to this breaking news. It's just mad.

LOL .. i have to agree with you on that, i have lived with a few friends in my teens, total nightmare !

 

[tukkytuktuk]

3 minutes ago, mauGR1 said:

LOL .. i have to agree with you on that, i have lived with a few friends in my teens, total nightmare !

 

That's a 66 year old man marrying a young Thai man. Nightmare indeed!

I've seen it all now! The circus just got a new freak show. Jesus wept.

[tukkytuktuk]

Coming soon to Thailand.......

 

 

[roo860]

Coming soon to Thailand.......

 

[/url]  

 

Barking mad. Should have branched out a bit more.

 

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

 

 

 

[mauGR1]

35 minutes ago, tukkytuktuk said:

Coming soon to Thailand.......

 

 

Although a bit theatrical, much safer than marrying a woman

[observer90210]

Not that I'm trying to be a caty or a cheeky troll....

 

...but with all the nice cuties hanging around in Thailand, why get involved in a fixed relationship -   that calls to be with just one female,  who will start to brainstorm your mind daily ?

 

Why not hang around, have 2 or 3 casual sex-friends , with no ties or legal knots ?

 

No matter what, remember to have fun and never forget, your interests and well being comes first.

 

You have obviously done enough in one-to-one relationships all your life and its maybe time to put away the Mr Nice Guy in you.....of course don't become a jerk....but don't fall at their feet and give in to all their whimes.....have fun and stay naturally in safeSex mode !

Edited May 12, 2018 by observer90210

[swissie]

After 15 years, language-wise, a Farang/Thai couple will understand each other. As far as the "understanding" and the perception of things outside the daily routine is concerned, this is a different matter.

Seems to me, Thais are not overly interested in issues that do not affect them personally and directly.
Wanting to conduct a "meaningful" conversation, the Thai Wife is likely to stifle such a conversation by exclaiming: "You think too much and drink too much Beer Chang". Case closed!
Ideally, a Farang interested in meaningful conversation, should bring along a Farang "Mia Noi" (if possible a Feminist-Lady). Not feasable for most Farangs.

Best not to have high expectations as far as "meaningful conversation" is concerned. Best to stick to day to day matters and be happy and not think too much.

Still, even staunch Farang Isaan-Dwellers feel the urge to converse with fellow Farangs from time to time. Or Farangs contemplating to take residence in the Isaan, asking beforehand: How many Farangs live in area XXY and where do they meet?
Farangs need meaningful conversation occasionally. Things like: Does Donald Trump wear a wig? How will the Tottenham Hotspurs fare next season? How come that during the alleged Moon Landing, Neil Armstrong was seen at "Lulu's Bar and Grill" in Pattaya? Just meaningful conversation. You get my drift.....
Cheers. 

[MaeJoMTB]

2 hours ago, swissie said:

Best not to have high expectations as far as "meaningful conversation" is concerned. Best to stick to day to day matters and be happy and not think too much.

Trying to remember 'meaningful conversations' with my former English wife of 30 years.

From what I remember they were all about me giving her money.

Same as my current Thai wife really.

[OneMoreFarang]

10 hours ago, tukkytuktuk said:

I've been married for 15 years now. I met my wife on holiday here. When I met her she hardly spoke English at all. Now she can speak English really well. We chat and talk everyday, but does she really understand me or is she just being polite and pretending to understand me.

What is "really understand"?

 

You and her grew up in a totally different culture. She will never really understand you and you will never really understand her.

And you are obviously not alone. We can learn about other people lots of things and we can try to understand their experience. But we never really understand.

 

A simple example is the weather. I can tell my girlfriend that I grew up in a cold country with ice and snow on the streets and ice cold rain, etc. She understands the words, she understands the meaning. But does she really understand how it feels to live in a climate like that? I heard of Thais who wear gloves and winter clothes is a 15 degree warehouse here because it's "freezing". They don't really understand what freezing means because they never experienced it. And I am sure the temperature is relative easy to "understand" compared to many other issues.

 

I am sure there are many things we will never really understand - even if we try.

 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

My wife only understands me when we talk through messenger. Often she will send me a complete messed up sentence in English and ask me to correct it for her work. I am appalled that after 4 years with me she doesn't bother to improve her English. I would love to speak Thai, but she simply doesn't want to teach me anything. Someone in her family told me that's on purpose as she wants me to remain stupid and not be able to talk with Thai girls.

 

After she's back from work she's always on her iPad watching Thai crap.

 

Feel for me bros.....I'm just about to buy a plane ticket back to Canada and run away. 

 

If anyone is from Alberta, please let me know if any unskilled labor is still available in oil fields. 

 

Regards

Edited May 13, 2018 by theguyfromanotherforum

[cornishcarlos]

8 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

Barking mad. Should have branched out a bit more.

 

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8th time ?? I wonder why they keep leafing him ??

[cornishcarlos]

8 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

Barking mad. Should have branched out a bit more.

 

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Mind you, I guess he was guaranteed a good root !!

[Gecko123]

I don't think being overly garrulous is viewed as a desirable trait in men by most Thai women. Around their wives, so many of the husbands in my village seem to bite their lip, choose their words carefully, and let their wife do the talking, maybe only becoming more talkative when they're with the boys. Someone once told me that because King Bhumipol was seen as a man of few words, some Thais try to emulate this characteristic.

 

I have met some wonderful conversationalists and great listeners in Thailand, but have also encountered plenty of absolutely atrocious listeners: constant interruptions, feigned comprehension, almost immediate loss of interest or focus. Of course crossing a language barrier is only going to contribute to listening fatigue more. I don't think too many Thais have been exposed to the concept of listening as a "skill" to be practiced or developed.

 

When I go back home, old friends and family sometimes remark that I am quieter, speaking less often and for shorter durations than I used to. I suspect this has a lot to do with how Thais have responded when I experience a bout of verbal diarrhea. My advice would be to work on being more succinct. It will most likely better conform to conversational norms here and be well-received.

Edited May 13, 2018 by Gecko123

[Wilsonandson]

It can be a problem to start with but over time you can overcome the language barrier.

I've been married to a Thai lady for over 20 years.

When I first met her, she could not speak English and she was a bit slow learning it too. But looking back over the years, I think one of the things that has made the relationship so great is that we have both learned each other's cultures.

It's been sort of a journey together and even today. I guess she can speak English pretty fluent now but she has her own unique way of saying things that just makes people love her.

As with everything in life, don't give up and don't expect miracles either.

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[Andyfez]

Learn to discuss things in Thai .

More understanding, and I find she's more interested in what you have to say.

[wombat]

does she understand you?

do you understand her would be more the question...her culture her way of life and her way of thinking.

who is the guest in Thailand, you or her?

[scorecard]

13 hours ago, Happy Grumpy said:

 

She probably neither understands you, nor cares that she doesn't.

 

 

 

As long as the monthly salary is on time every month.

 

 

"She probably neither understands you, nor cares that she doesn't."

 

Keep in mind that it's quite normal for Thais to leave things loose, don't be too serious, never mind. Plus in many situations not polite to ask questions, and that can be true of wife asking husband to explain more.

 

In work situations the staff regularly get on with doing what they think the boss wants rather than seek clarification, because it would be not polite to ask a superior for clarification.

 

In research terms this connects to Hoefsteds findings about quite different levels of ambiguity inherent / accepted in different cultures. 

 

 

 

[Emster23]

"Of course you try to understand your wife.

Still it's frustrating if you are the only one doing the effort."

She learned English, didn't she? And your Thai is most non-existent, isn't it?

" I would love to speak Thai, but she simply doesn't want to teach me anything"

There are other ways to learn Thai than your wife

Thai culture is not Western culture (duh). Neither is right or wrong: they are different ways of interacting with this thing called life. My wife is traditional Thai lady. Many the time my head spins a bit over some view or statement, and then I remind myself I am looking at it through the lens of my culture. Take a step back (if possible) and welcome the education I say. And have a good laugh.

[rumak]

4 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

My wife only understands me when we talk through messenger. Often she will send me a complete messed up sentence in English and ask me to correct it for her work. I am appalled that after 4 years with me she doesn't bother to improve her English. I would love to speak Thai, but she simply doesn't want to teach me anything. Someone in her family told me that's on purpose as she wants me to remain stupid and not be able to talk with Thai girls.

 

After she's back from work she's always on her iPad watching Thai crap.

 

Feel for me bros.....I'm just about to buy a plane ticket back to Canada and run away. 

 

If anyone is from Alberta, please let me know if any unskilled labor is still available in oil fields. 

 

Regards

i don't know how much of this is tongue in cheek....but probably some (or maybe a lot) of truth here.

before you buy the plane ticket be sure to ....well, i was going to say something not so nice.  Let's just say, if you are not getting the respect/attention/ companionship you desire....GTH out !   someone who is paying attention to their ipad is someone who is not satisfied with YOU.  PS:  learn thai !!  get a girl that is into you .  If that is not possible, plane ticket it is.  brrr. kinda cold in canada and finding a good mate is just as difficult anywhere

[rumak]

3 hours ago, Wilsonandson said:

It can be a problem to start with but over time you can overcome the language barrier.

I've been married to a Thai lady for over 20 years.

When I first met her, she could not speak English and she was a bit slow learning it too. But looking back over the years, I think one of the things that has made the relationship so great is that we have both learned each other's cultures.

It's been sort of a journey together and even today. I guess she can speak English pretty fluent now but she has her own unique way of saying things that just makes people love her.

As with everything in life, don't give up and don't expect miracles either.

Sent from my SM-A700FD using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

don't have to be a genius to learn thai.  just gotta put in the time and effort.  same as whining all the time or being on the net 5 hours a day.   but better results

[rumak]

14 hours ago, tukkytuktuk said:

Do you mean, is it worth all the effort to try to understand my wife?

Of course, it helps a lot.

You decided not to try an understand your partner. Hmm, not for me. I'd be thinking too much.

now she can speak english really well.   hmmmmm  what have you been doing for 15 years to learn thai ?

[roo860]

My wife only understands me when we talk through messenger. Often she will send me a complete messed up sentence in English and ask me to correct it for her work. I am appalled that after 4 years with me she doesn't bother to improve her English. I would love to speak Thai, but she simply doesn't want to teach me anything. Someone in her family told me that's on purpose as she wants me to remain stupid and not be able to talk with Thai girls.
 
After she's back from work she's always on her iPad watching Thai crap.
 
Feel for me bros.....I'm just about to buy a plane ticket back to Canada and run away. 
 
If anyone is from Alberta, please let me know if any unskilled labor is still available in oil fields. 
 
Regards

Good luck mate.[emoji106]

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[curtklay]

Conversation is over-rated.