Issues with my thai family

[NoshowJones]

2 hours ago, poanoi said:

i think this is the most applicable advice in this thread

It is, apart from one thing, the OP will not want to leave his kid, surely that is understandable.

[NoshowJones]

2 hours ago, JCauto said:

Quick question - if the BIL were a macho kind of guy with lots of girlfriends, but also still a bit touchy in terms of liking to grab your arm when you catch up, would you have reacted similarly?

Yes.

[Tony125]

20 minutes ago, mogandave said:

 

When your buddy gets drunk does he fondle your butt?

I think there is a big difference between an affectionate hug, squeeze on the arm or shoulder, and a squeeze on the butt.

In any event, the ladyboy is not touching him to show affection, he is doing it for no other reason than to antagonize him.

 

 

You deliberately ignor the full content of my post and another poster who said if a straight guy touched his arm would he freak out?  The last line in my post said forget about the arm touch BUT if he goes farther (ass grab) tell him stop.

[ChristianBlessing]

First thing I thought when reading.
Almost verbatim to a post I am sure I read 2 or possibly more years ago (?)
Either that or my paranormal powers are up.

I won't bother searching for it, but I'm as certain as you that I read this in the past.

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk

[mogandave]

You deliberately ignor the full content of my post and another poster who said if a straight guy touched his arm would he freak out?  The last line in my post said forget about the arm touch BUT if he goes farther (ass grab) tell him stop.

And you deliberately ignore that the OP has told the ladyboy to stop repeatedly, and the ladyboy continues grabbing his butt.

Is the OP a homophobe because he does not like his ladyboy brother in law grabbing his butt?

[KhunFred]

Imagine being like this in Thai society and the pent-up anger they must feel. Ladyboys can be charming but there is always an undercurrent of anger and resentment that is not very far below the surface. These things may be exacerbated by use of hormones. You didn't mention if the LB is cut or uncut. I try to keep a lot in mind if I have to deal with them. I certainly would not swap places.

[JCauto]

29 minutes ago, mogandave said:

 

When your buddy gets drunk does he fondle your butt?

I think there is a big difference between an affectionate hug, squeeze on the arm or shoulder, and a squeeze on the butt.

In any event, the ladyboy is not touching him to show affection, he is doing it for no other reason than to antagonize him.

 

 

First of all, the OP talked numerous times about how it's the arm grabbing that riles him, he only mentioned being touched on the butt once, and that was possibly incidental. So no, it's pretty much the same thing.

 

I can understand that some people are very uncomfortable about physical contact with others, even those of the opposite sex. My experience with people like this is that this is quite deep-seated. So I can sympathize in that respect. My question was more to the point of whether this was a general aversion to physical contact or whether it is connected to the sexuality of the person touching them as it narrows the issue.

 

In any case, I see this as more of a culture clash than anything else. I don't think he specifically intends to antagonize you, that's just his nature and I've seen it often in the way Ladyboys tend to behave. Whether this is a societal norm or one that people of that gender tend towards I don't know. But certainly his wife ought to be a bit more sensitive and should intervene if she understands how much this annoys him by taking the brother aside and letting him know how to better behave around her hubby. Perhaps there is some lack of communication in that regard such that she doesn't realize how much this is bothering him.

 

As to the neanderthals suggesting that he ought to play Billy Big Balls and bash the brother, I wonder how often these internet warriors act on these juvenile impulses? Getting into a physical confrontation with Thais of any stripe tends to lead one to becoming the subject of a Thai Visa thread of your own, with accompanying blood and video. And as to the mighty "my way or the highway" Alpha Males ruling their castles with an iron fist, just remember that this is merely one of the steps of a long-trodden and well-worn paths that ends with a sob story about divorce, betrayal and loss of your assets.

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎5‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 11:31 AM, davidst01 said:

I sent him a message via social media stating that if he does this in the future I will speak to an attorney and the police.

Seriously!!!!!!

You are going to report him to the cops for touching your arm too hard or something. Good grief. They'll laugh at you if you try that.

On ‎5‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 11:31 AM, davidst01 said:

Now I don’t know if I want to invest money in the wifes business. I don’t know if she is 100% loyal to me. I acknowledge that I rank very low well after her thai family and my baby. But the fact is that she has never really supported me on this issue and that’s why he continues.

If she's like my ex, she doesn't support you over the family. You come last in the hierarchy.

I have no idea why you'd want to "invest" in her business. She can go work for someone else if she wants money of her own. From the sound of it, your marriage is in serious trouble anyway, so if you invest in it, you stand to lose all that money.

If you want a wife 100% loyal to you, you married in the wrong country. Thai's loyalty is to their family first.

 

I agree with her though, you apparently do "think too much". The guy is just a bit touchy feely and you seem to be way too sensitive about it.

 

If I have any advice, it is that you should use your money to move far away from the family, so you don't keep freaking out. If you don't, I can't see your marriage lasting much longer.

[shy coconut]

51 minutes ago, mogandave said:

 

When your buddy gets drunk does he fondle your butt?

I think there is a big difference between an affectionate hug, squeeze on the arm or shoulder, and a squeeze on the butt.

In any event, the ladyboy is not touching him to show affection, he is doing it for no other reason than to antagonize him.

 

 

And it is clearly working, the antogonizing that is!

 

[thaibeachlovers]

6 minutes ago, JCauto said:

But certainly his wife ought to be a bit more sensitive and should intervene if she understands how much this annoys him by taking the brother aside and letting him know how to better behave around her hubby. Perhaps there is some lack of communication in that regard such that she doesn't realize how much this is bothering him.

My wife wouldn't ever deal with the problems I had with her family. Her method of choice was to ignore me, and my feelings, and do nothing, and she certainly realised how I felt.

It came back to bite her though, when we got divorced because of them.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 minutes ago, mogandave said:

 

And you deliberately ignore that the OP has told the ladyboy to stop repeatedly, and the ladyboy continues grabbing his butt.

Is the OP a homophobe because he does not like his ladyboy brother in law grabbing his butt?

 

 

I might feel uncomfortable if someone I didn't like kept touching me, but I certainly wouldn't assault them over it. The OP could try not being in a position that the guy can touch him, like moving somewhere else.

[JCauto]

7 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My wife wouldn't ever deal with the problems I had with her family. Her method of choice was to ignore me, and my feelings, and do nothing, and she certainly realised how I felt.

It came back to bite her though, when we got divorced because of them.

That's rough, and a sad experience to have to go through. You have my sympathies.

On the other hand, I do know numerous Thai-Farang marriages that are strong and have lasted quite some time. Certainly one aspect of that is that the bond between husband and wife is strong and enables the communication that avoids these sorts of misunderstandings. Another aspect I've noticed is that many of these Farangs came here from a development aid background, hence received advance training in terms of cultural acclimatization and language, and met most of their wives through their work experiences as opposed to bars. As a result, they were more attuned to and cognizant of the differences in the family culture and were better able to carve out the kind of personal space required while maintaining good relations with the Thai family. Certainly they needed to be a bit tough sometimes, but so long as the communication and commitment was there, there was a solution to be found.

 

But it's kind of like the situation where certain people are having fights with everyone in their family or work group. At some point you realize that the common denominator is that person. When you find yourself continually at odds with Thai people, the Thai family, the Thai way of doing things and you're living here in Thailand, you might want to step back and readjust your compass.

[saakura]

OP, why don't you have a go at the Ladyboy ? Your insecurity  about being touched by a LB suggests that you might be harboring a hidden desire to do a ladyboy, go for it.

[holy cow cm]

Don't punch it as this will take you to the police station. He/she wins! Just tell it to shut up and go on your way not paying anymore attention to the matter. Keep your calm and keep your wife and life. 

[Dick Crank]

I've had Asian dudes do this touchy freely thing. It seems to be a type of male dominance behavior and can be extremely irritating, and the perp can get off on your irritation.

 

enough analysis, try this next time:

 

when he touches you reach around and pinch him hard in the back with your thumb and forefinger. Judge his reaction. He's either going to laugh or it's going to bother him, but he's going to back off. If he touches you a second time pinch his cheek on his face like you would a baby but harder. Make it seem like a joke not an attack.

 

report back here the reaction and I suspect you will have less problems with this guy.

 

this is primitive stuff I don't want to write a book here, but offer some practical advice.

 

also, don't form a triangle with your wife and this guy. Just mention it bothers you, that's it.

 

ive be used this pinching technique with Asians before and they hate it for some reason.

Edited May 18, 2018 by Dick Crank

[JCauto]

23 minutes ago, saakura said:

OP, why don't you have a go at the Ladyboy ? Your insecurity  about being touched by a LB suggests that you might be harboring a hidden desire to do a ladyboy, go for it.

 

Seems not that uncommon according to...Thai Visa!

[Bantex]

He keeps touching you, trying to split you from your wife, it sounds like he’s jealous and wants you as his lover. 

[MaeJoMTB]

56 minutes ago, JCauto said:

ertainly one aspect of that is that the bond between husband and wife is strong and enables the communication that avoids these sorts of misunderstandings.

NAh, I just know to totally avoid her family.

If they come and stay more than a day or two, I suddenly remember my VISA jump, then me and my wallet go abroad for a week or two. She's always happy to see me again when the bills need paying and the family have gone.

 

Apart from my wife'a 20 year old younger sister, she fondles my butt, I just grab hers back, she can stay anytime.

Edited May 18, 2018 by MaeJoMTB

[Raymonddiaz]

The thing I learn after living in Thailand since 9 years is husbands/ boy friends always comes second after the wife's family ( Father, Mother, brothers, sisters). Accept to come second and take like it's their culture and you can't change it or else walk away and don't invest anything in your wife business.

[Kadilo]

4 hours ago, uffe123 said:

Dont buy build or buy any property in Thailand. You cannot own anything. Take it from a guy who has been there and lost a-lot. They all give you a lot of good bs, and it sounds good. Dont believe them. Lost land and money. 

Yeah great advice for relevant thread 

[Kadilo]

2 hours ago, JCauto said:

 

 

As to the neanderthals suggesting that he ought to play Billy Big Balls and bash the brother, I wonder how often these internet warriors act on these juvenile impulses? 

 

 

How about none. But it's an anonymous forum and for whatever reason they think it makes them sound tough. 

[Dick Crank]

Letting a man touch you like that you gotta draw the line some say ignore it you got to stand up somehow or next time he grabs the d and u find yourself giving up the arse one night after a drunk party once you back down from small things your submissive and you'll give it up when the time comes

[Tongjaw]

On 17/05/2018 at 11:34 AM, petermik said:

You want this rubbish in your life....tell your wife it either stops or you walk,simple really.....

I wouldn’t walk away as you have a child. Although I wouldn’t be putting money up for a business until your 100% sure she’s with you. 

[Rc2702]

1 hour ago, Dick Crank said:

Letting a man touch you like that you gotta draw the line some say ignore it you got to stand up somehow or next time he grabs the d and u find yourself giving up the arse one night after a drunk party once you back down from small things your submissive and you'll give it up when the time comes

Spoken like a true predator.

[rumak]

3 hours ago, JCauto said:

My experience with people like this is that this is quite deep-seated. 

All this talk of butt fondling.   and now the question of just how deep-seated it is !  I am getting a little

uncomfortable myself.   555    OK, Mr JC does have some good insights in his post.  There are so many different "family situations" that come up (which were not foreseen) in Thailand .  Not to mention neighbors and "friends" etc etc.  

From my experience the biggest disappointment is when your gf/wife does not stand up and tell everyone to get in line or F off.  YES, YES,  we all know that is not the thai way !  And we all know how difficult it is

to change who WE are..............   

Choose wisely........and hope you get lucky  

[rumak]

3 hours ago, JCauto said:

And as to the mighty "my way or the highway" Alpha Males ruling their castles with an iron fist, just remember that this is merely one of the steps of a long-trodden and well-worn paths that ends with a sob story about divorce, betrayal and loss of your assets.

Like some of your post...but this part is a little much.   I agree that an iron fist is not the answer......but certainly some of the Males (species farang) that I see walking behind their sweet heart could due with some iron balls.  

[AntDee]

Respectfully, I feel sorry for all the old blokes who marry into very questionable families with very questionable women. Back in Farangland, we would never make such outrageous life decisions, but somehow the Thais with their beautiful smiles and ability to act encourage us out of our typical character. 

 

There really is not much to say. The family is likely very poorly educated. Maybe the wife, too? OP has not provided a short bio on the wife. Without it, we have very little idea. 

[grollies]

4 hours ago, Dick Crank said:

Letting a man touch you like that you gotta draw the line some say ignore it you got to stand up somehow or next time he grabs the d and u find yourself giving up the arse one night after a drunk party once you back down from small things your submissive and you'll give it up when the time comes

What time did you start drinking this morning?

[observer90210]

Perhaps the ladyboy brother-in-law, is hitting on you ?!!

[BEVUP]

25 minutes ago, observer90210 said:

Perhaps the ladyboy brother-in-law, is hitting on you ?!!

Maybe, it's probably the best shot that he/she is going to get at being close to a rich Farang, & it will all be in the family (a bit of a trait in some )