How did you meet your Thai wife?

[The Deerhunter]

Through a friend (at the time) who was an English teacher.  I stayed with him for a few days each year at the beginning and end of my annual sex tourism (wife testing) trip.  His wife had a masters in English and my wife was/is his wife's auntie.  We were introduced after I had already met most of her family, including Mum & dad, by various means including carting them all around one election day in my teacher friend's truck.  He had to work that day.  Wife was 33 then and had worked for the same company for 14 years.  We spent nearly 8 years together in my country and now nearly 5 years here.  I had been separated / divorced for nearly 16 years when we met and had given up on ever finding a "keeper."

[atyclb]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

9 hours ago, simon43 said:

Last week, while on a visit to BKK I saw my ex again, looking sad and sitting in Morning night Bar ?

 

Did you bar fine her?

 

 

pronunciation similar . 

 

"bar fined"

 

"bar find"

 

 

Edited August 23, 2018 by atyclb

[bert bloggs]

On 8/22/2018 at 9:49 PM, oxforddon said:

It is good to see that despite the naysayers there are many cases of a meeting a normal Thai lady who is not from where the bar stool crowd seemingly sit all day

Trouble is ,people only like reading "bad news" its so much more interesting reading about some holidaymaker who meets a girl in a bar ,sends her money ,comes here to marry her and gets ripped off , rather than someone like me and many people i know that spent years here ,just met our wives ,in the same way you can meet a woman back home ,get married have kids and go to Tesco to do the shopping . then come home cut the grass and watch a film on tv , (i know it sounds boreing ,but we actually do a bit more than that ,we went to Central yesterday ?

[BritManToo]

On 8/22/2018 at 9:49 PM, oxforddon said:

It is good to see that despite the naysayers there are many cases of a meeting a normal Thai lady who is not from where the bar stool crowd seemingly sit all day

Most of the guys claiming this are either demented or lying.

It's always the same old story, 60-year-old foreigner (speaking no Thai) claiming 40 (or under) year old Thai loving him for himself.

Who believes these guys? and why have I never met any of these wives?

 

The only Thai women I see (with foreigners) are hookers or gold diggers.

Edited August 24, 2018 by BritManToo

[Hummin]

On 8/21/2018 at 8:16 AM, helloagain said:

Many stupid men have met that way. Oh on earth can you be with somebidy like that let akone marry them and what makes me laugh is the lady in question thinks her poo does not smell 555555

Explain!

[Hummin]

On 8/21/2018 at 10:20 AM, inThailand said:

I met her same as all TV posters... At the opera, she's a doctor with 2 Phds and a virgin. 

And no sin sod? 

[simoh1490]

40 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

 

why have I never met any of these wives?

 

 

 

We can all hazard a guess, based on your posts alone! 

[simoh1490]

45 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

 

why have I never met any of these wives?

 

 

 

double post

Edited August 24, 2018 by simoh1490

[oxforddon]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Most of the guys claiming this are either demented or lying.

It's always the same old story, 60-year-old foreigner (speaking no Thai) claiming 40 (or under) year old Thai loving him for himself.

Who believes these guys? and why have I never met any of these wives?

 

The only Thai women I see (with foreigners) are hookers or gold diggers.

Well how about the fact that my story related to Bangkok (not Pattaya) more than 40 years ago when I did speak Thai (and still do) but my wife had spoke perfect English anyway. Your opinion says more about your life story and hang outs than it does about the stories you scorn.

[simoh1490]

Dear Agony Aunt,

 

I came to Thailand in the hope of finding true love but after all this time it still evades me, what am I doing wrong?

 

I go out to the bars several times a week and I walk up and down Beach Road all the time but I can't seem to find what I'm looking for, I mean, it's not as though I'm not trying. Some days I just hang around the shopping malls in the hopes of finding a nice girl who will be my wife, at other times I try to meet waitresses in restaurants but I'm at a disadvantage because I don't speak Thai. One time I got a date with a very promising young woman, we exchanged details and photographs via a dating website but when I showed up for our date she pretended not to know me and denied any knowledge of our online chats, I'd bought a new wife beater and flip flops just for the date, she walked away muttering "men" or something, does that mean she prefers women?

 

Perhaps you can help, what am I doing wrong?

.

 

 

[Gecko123]

Summary of thread responses to question:

"Where did you meet your wife?"

 

non responsive/joke: 8 (18%)

bar: 8 (18%)

mutual introduction: 8 (18%)

internet dating site: 5 (11%)

hotel/restaurant: 5 (11%)

introduced by Thai coworker: 2 (4.5%)

employee of a friend: 2 (4.5%)

accidental encounter: 1 (2.2%)

introduced by overseas coworker: 1 (2.2%)

overseas: 1 (2.2%)

shopping mall: 1 (2.2%)

tour guide: 1 (2.2%)

coworker: 1 (2.2%)

Total: 44 (100%)

 

Edited August 24, 2018 by Gecko123

[Andrew Dwyer]

Dear Agony Aunt,
 
I came to Thailand in the hope of finding true love but after all this time it still evades me, what am I doing wrong?
 
I go out to the bars several times a week and I walk up and down Beach Road all the time but I can't seem to find what I'm looking for, I mean, it's not as though I'm not trying. Some days I just hang around the shopping malls in the hopes of finding a nice girl who will be my wife, at other times I try to meet waitresses in restaurants but I'm at a disadvantage because I don't speak Thai. One time I got a date with a very promising young woman, we exchanged details and photographs via a dating website but when I showed up for our date she pretended not to know me and denied any knowledge of our online chats, I'd bought a new wife beater and flip flops just for the date, she walked away muttering "men" or something, does that mean she prefers women?
 
Perhaps you can help, what am I doing wrong?
.
 
 

Dear Simoh,

It all depends on your appearance , if your wife beater was Leo then that would explain her rebuttal.
Contact her again and this time try a Chang or Singha wife beater , it will make all the difference !!

Auntie Andy

[Gecko123]

3 hours ago, simoh1490 said:

Dear Agony Aunt,

 

I came to Thailand in the hope of finding true love but after all this time it still evades me, what am I doing wrong?

 

I go out to the bars several times a week and I walk up and down Beach Road all the time but I can't seem to find what I'm looking for, I mean, it's not as though I'm not trying. Some days I just hang around the shopping malls in the hopes of finding a nice girl who will be my wife, at other times I try to meet waitresses in restaurants but I'm at a disadvantage because I don't speak Thai. One time I got a date with a very promising young woman, we exchanged details and photographs via a dating website but when I showed up for our date she pretended not to know me and denied any knowledge of our online chats, I'd bought a new wife beater and flip flops just for the date, she walked away muttering "men" or something, does that mean she prefers women?

 

Perhaps you can help, what am I doing wrong?

Your post gives a terribly shallow assessment of the challenges of dating outside of the bar scene in Thailand. Even if you are fluent in Thai and very presentable (well-dressed, well-groomed, and physically fit) there are some very serious obstacles for foreigners dating in Thailand which your post ignores.

 

First, Thai women with foreign men are stigmatized as being prostitutes and many Thai women shy away from relationships with foreign men because of this. A Thai woman with a foreign guy is going to attract a lot more attention than a Thai-Thai couple, especially outside of a large urban metropolis like Bangkok, and a Thai woman may be reluctant to subject herself to this social scrutiny. Many foreigners are tourists - by definition transient - and many Thai women don't want to be someone's holiday wife, only to be dumped at the end of your vacation.

 

Secondly, in a major city, most women have to work full time to pay the rent, and often commute to outlying areas, leaving little time for romantic pursuits. When someone claims to have met a "waitress" or a "bank teller" I ask myself how did the courtship progress? Where did she find the time to juggle the relationship? And why would someone on a 30-60 day visa waste their time trying to pick up travel agents, receptionists at hotels, 7/11 counter clerks, lingerie salesgirls when there are easily available girls at a nearby entertainment center?

 

Thirdly, the average age for a women's first marriage and first child in Thailand is quite young, cutting into the supply of available young attractive women. Furthermore, it is my observation that nowadays - unlike maybe in the past - there is a shortage of women. My observation in my area is that many fairly attractive Thai men are marrying far less attractive Thai women, suggesting slim pickings. China has a serious gender imbalance, adding to the competition.

 

Fourthly, there are tremendous cultural differences: a deeply engrained mindset in Thai culture that marrying a foreigner is a quick way to advance socio-economically,  foreigners viewed as naive and easily deceived, attitudes about honesty, accountability for personal actions, religious beliefs, etc. It takes a long time to sort out these differences, more time than the average foreigner on a tourist visa has.

 

As far as anecdotes about work place romances, I have only worked as a part time teacher in a rural setting, and realize the workplace environment may be different elsewhere. But my general impression from working in schools was that not only were most of the teachers involved in relationships already, but there was a very strong taboo about being seen as sleeping around casually, not only in the eyes of the other teachers, but in the eyes of the student body as well.

 

Finally, in Thailand, especially in rural areas, women not only marry young, but there is tremendous economic pressure to remain married. For example, it is next to impossible to farm and raise a family as a single parent. Another example is any kind of vending or retail establishment; two people are needed to operate it.

 

I read on some of these threads guys boasting that they could find 3-4 girls before the sun goes down who would eagerly move in with them. Good wholesome girls, with good jobs. Car owning, condo owning, highly educated, well-travelled women. I don't see those opportunities being that prevalent. Not in Petchabun, Lopburi, Saraburi, PKK, Hua Hin, or for that matter in BKK. Not only for me, but for other foreigners. I don't see foreign men picking up, flirting with, out on first dates, exchanging phone numbers with everyday Thais very often. And that's especially true if you fit into the +50 demographic which surveys say is well represented on TVF. I'm sorry but I frankly believe that the myth that everyday Thai women - much less high status Thai women - are readily available to foreign men is largely perpetuated on the internet by men who are too self-conscious or embarrassed to admit where they actually met their girlfriend/spouse, i.e., in a bar or other entertainment venue.

 

For the record, I am very fluent in Thai, consider myself to be presentable (BMI 26), have an engaging personality and sense of humor, have all my hair, am physically fit, in very sound mental and physical shape, financially comfortable, have been coming to Thailand since 86, and lived here continuously since 2003. I don't have an agenda or emotional stake in whether poster so-and-so met his wife in a bar or not. I'm just commenting based on what I have observed.

Edited August 24, 2018 by Gecko123

[simoh1490]

Think satire Gecko, think satire!

[grollies]

On 8/20/2018 at 5:45 PM, darksidedog said:

Lol! I ran mine over. She lived in the same street as me, and walked out of her front gate as I was coming home. I had moved to the far left as a truck was coming the other way and ploughed her down as she bowled out without looking. One thing led to another. Funny the way love works really. You could say she took one look at me and was swept off her feet.

I shall quote you on this forevermore on subsequent Thai-bash driver/motoring topics.

[Gecko123]

1 minute ago, simoh1490 said:

Think satire Gecko, think satire!

Noted. Nonetheless, the points I made responsed to those - including you - who claim western-style courtship and dating in Thailand is easily pursued. It's not.

[Hummin]

9 minutes ago, simoh1490 said:

Think satire Gecko, think satire!

Still a good post ?

[BritManToo]

30 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

For the record, I am very fluent in Thai, consider myself to be presentable (BMI 26), have an engaging personality and sense of humor, have all my hair, am physically fit, in very sound mental and physical shape, financially comfortable, have been coming to Thailand since 86, and lived here continuously since 2003. I don't have an agenda or emotional stake in whether poster so-and-so met his wife in a bar or not. I'm just commenting based on what I have observed.

Totally agree.

[Hummin]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Totally agree.

Just a little upset about he still got all of his hair, and can brag about it!

 

?

[simoh1490]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

Noted. Nonetheless, the points I made responsed to those - including you - who claim western-style courtship and dating in Thailand is easily pursued. It's not.

Oh wait, I never said it was easy, although, it's easier for some of us than for others I suppose. 

 

My experience is that most westerners who complain about not being able to meet decent Thai women simply get the basics wrong: they look in the places they know which is usually tourist areas; they forget that Thai women are the same as women almost anywhere in that they want clean, polite, well mannered, well dressed partners; they forget that learning the language is key and without that under their belt the failure rate is very high....those things are easy but they are easier for some than for others.

[oxforddon]

I can relate to some of what I read above but in Bangkok I have met Thai ladies who spoke French or German or Italian as well as English and not because they had a previous foreign boyfriend but because they studied abroad. (My own half Thai daughters have 5 or 6 languages between them.) I'm not saying it is easy to meet respectable girls but working in an office or large company helps as does having a few educated Thai male friends who know you well enough to introduce you to a wider circle of people. Years ago the stigma of being thought a prostitute was there but it is more pronounced perhaps these days but having said that there are a lot more Westernised Thai ladies around too. So much depends in which circles you find yourself in and which places you frequent. What I do object to is the cliché remarks from those who have never had the same experiences as those who did find a respectable wife.

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, oxforddon said:

My own half Thai daughters have 5 or 6 languages between them.

My 100% Thai daughter has 3 languages, but she wouldn't speak to a white guy socially.

[NonthaburiBear]

25 minutes ago, oxforddon said:

 (My own half Thai daughters have 5 or 6 languages between them.)

suay mai krup ? may i know them sir ?

[brewsterbudgen]

My 100% Thai daughter has 3 languages, but she wouldn't speak to a white guy socially.

That's very sad. Why wouldn't she? Can't you exert some influence?

Sent from my SM-A500F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[oxforddon]

1 hour ago, NonthaburiBear said:

suay mai krup ? may i know them sir ?

Both are in their 40's now and, yes, still beautiful but spoken for long ago ..... ?

[NonthaburiBear]

5 minutes ago, oxforddon said:

Both are in their 40's now and, yes, still beautiful but spoken for long ago ..... ?

im younger ..nit noi,--555.. yin dee duay na krup

[faraday]

Golly gosh Gecko, you're such a catch!

 

Do you have a hairy chest too?

 

What about a medallion?

[kevin612]

i am still looking....

[NonthaburiBear]

3 hours ago, kevin612 said:

i am still looking....

looking for what and where ?

[geronimo]

I met my wife in an elevator and yes, it was an uplifting experience. Still together after 24 years but we never enter a lift together anymore (they have cctv now)