Frustrated Farang Husband

[wolf81]

Haven't read all responses, but …

 

From what I understand you have decent businesses, can take care of yourself. I would try to buy some decent apartment for myself, live on my own or (preferably) together with the kids.

 

Discuss with your wife who will take care of the kids. Say if you take care of the kids, you pay for everything, but if your wife takes care, it's her responsibility. The idea is to stop funding your wife and her extended family. Your wife probably won't have the money to take care of the kids, so she will (hopefully) prefer you to do this. 

 

Then your wife can party with all the men in her village and you can live your own life again. 

 

It's possibly a good idea for you then to not hook up long term with another wife by then or you must be really sure she's a good lady.

 

By the way my Thai girlfriend is an excellent cook and housekeeper - so I don't know about the "Thai style housekeeping" you mentioned. My GF is cleaning the house every single day, doing laundry every day, making nice breakfast for me and our daughter, etc… 

[German farang]

3 hours ago, smotherb said:

Well, there you go painting them all with the same brush, just like he was. Of course there are exceptions and of course there are worthless women and even more worthless families, but they are not all Isaan. 

So true - not all are from Isaan!

[billsmart]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

If he were alone that may be worth doing. However, he has children. So, their preferences need to be considered. Unless, you are suggesting he leave them too.

In his original post he said "I already have a legal agreement granting me custody," so I've assumed he's already considered the "Run Away! Run Away!" option and has made the decision to take them with him. I'm just advising him that, IMO, the taking of that option is long, long overdue. ?

[rumak]

20 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

Spidermike is right. and you must be 100% on board with the idea you are leaving or your wife will play you and make this process much harder. It can be really hard, but you need to put all your energy into researching all your legal options for kids, house?, securing assets, closing bank accounts, collecting all legal paperwork, passport now so you have it. Green books, Yellow books whatever. And packing up and moving out.

 

And a strategy for your personal safety during all of this. Trying to leave with the kids might cause some real drama.

great advice.  if i can add one more thing:   KEEP this strategy to YOURSELF !   when you make the move, do it quick and don't look back.   I am hoping you are not a real woos......if not you will get on after this and

hopefully learn.  But gotta set yourself free first.

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, smotherb said:

Sounds like you have been hurt a few times.

Only once, but that was enough.

I remember going down the pub when I was 40, and complaining to my pals about the lack of sex in my marriage.

They nearly all agreed, wife aged 35+ = no sex and separate bedrooms after you bought the house and they had popped a few kids.

Maybe British wives are colder than other white women, but maybe they're not.

 

Maybe you were one of the lucky ones?

[JetSetFvr]

Sorry for your situation but like mentioned in other posts, admit you are an unhappy situation and deserve happiness.  Everything will work out.  My suggestion?  Have a plan to move out RIGHT after you sign the papers or mention you are leaving. Get a place and get furniture for it.  Getting your manhood chopped off in the middle of the night is not as uncommon as you think. 

[manchega]

Full stop at the end of the post.

 

fuk me,

 

why why why

[rumak]

17 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Only once, but that was enough.

I remember going down the pub when I was 40, and complaining to my pals about the lack of sex in my marriage.

They nearly all agreed, wife aged 35+ = no sex and separate bedrooms after you bought the house and they had popped a few kids.

Maybe British wives are colder than other white women, but maybe they're not.

 

 

How come when i was in relationships the only sex i desired was with someone other than my partner??

Am i really alone in that ??

[4MyEgo]

22 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Sounds like every marriage in the world after the first year or two.

Once you've bought them a house and they've popped a few kids, the sex is finished.

 

Too late for any advice, if you like the house you stay and bang giks on the side, like all the Thai guys do.

Mate I don't know where you get off, it all boils down to the luck of the draw.

 

I was married to a western woman for 12 years, lucky to get it once a month, she had issues, still has, now I have been married to a Thai for 11 years, if it's anything short of 3 times a week, excluding that period of the month, somethings gotta be wrong, we are like rabbits and we love it.

 

For the guy in the situation, as others have said, you know what you have to do, otherwise you will suffer as will your kids, be the man that you are and eyes forward, time will heal your pain, and its ok for your marriage to fail, it wasn't your doing, and hopefully you will meet another in time and e as happy as a pig in mud like me, oink, oink.

[Rhys]

Move on ... you have plenty of time to enjoy your life away from all this.. learn from it... Cheers Mate

[Krataiboy]

What a harrowing tale of woe from yet another falang put through the mincer by a scheming and immoral Thai partner.  

 

If ever a new "Me, Too" movement were needed, it is to name and shame these hard-hearted hannahs who tarnish the world-wide reputation of all Thai women.

 

Hardly a week goes by without a fresh account of their nefarious activities.

 

I'd wager a month's pension against a plate of somtam that their luckless victims far outnumber those of Harvey Weinstein and others out in the recent Hollywood 'gropes of wrath' scandal.

 

They are getting away with murder - literally in some cases. All too often, Thai law being the way it is, a wronged falang husband's only recourse is to walk away and write off his generous investment in love and money.

 

Heartbreaking though they are, we need to hear more horror stories like this latest example. Forewarned, after all, is forearmed.

[oyster]

23 hours ago, lovelomsak said:

I feel for you. Men sometimes are their own worst enemy. It sounds to me like you are in denial. I would say the wife is no good just a problem.But love is blind huh

 If you want to stay together with her here is what i would do.

  Let her know since sex is finished together you want a live in mia noi. The wife will become the housemaid. Clean house do laundry take care of children and such.You will sleep with mia noi.

  Give her a set budget to live on for food etc. And tell her you will take care of yourself if what she cooks is not to your liking. Or you and mia noi will eat separate

  You will do as you please and she will do as she pleases but her budget will drop considerably.

If she does not like that leave her get another from the village to care for the children and you.

  

Spot on. No.1 turn the tap off financialy..get a decrnt housekeeper and a tasty girlfriend. Chok dee.

[Dene16]

23 hours ago, arcturaz said:

I have been married to the same Thai woman for 17 years

It's fairly obvious you have have some kind of misguided loyalty to your wife but i believe you know deep down this relationship is doomed. You just want/need others to reaffirm your very own thoughts that there is nothing worth/left saving.

In the end it's your decision but don't waste another x amount of years trying to hold onto something that will never return. The mistrust will never ever go away and just continue to grind away at you

If you leave. it is my belief, it is something you will not regret in the future but how do your children feel about this? (i doubt they are aware). how old are they? how will you look after them? etc etc

People will always stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons and sometimes out of necessity.

It's going to be hard but but you need to make that step/leap into the unknown for yourself

Good luck

 

 

 

 

 

[Megasin1]

I feel for you dude and went through a similar thing with my ex thai wife who in her words wanted "to try a different flavoured coffee" LOL. Some people walk away, some people don't, everyone is different. In my particular case I walked and I am now living a fairly contented life. When I fly to Thailand I book a chick, bang and return home, a life without commitments, never having to walk endlessly around shopping malls or meet relatives that you don't know, or even don't like, is a pretty good life. My plans to retire to Thailand were delayed when my half Thai daughter wanted to come to school in England but I wouldn't have that any other way and although now Thailand has probably just become a holiday destination for everyone as her life path is headed in a European direction my experiences have taught me that considering any woman for a long term relationship is not always the best of options and you can have fun and dictate your own life and be a lot wealthier and happy at the same time. What you do is up to you, however whatever you do don't look back with anger or regret, just look forward and enjoy your life, everything else will sort itself out, even the kids. I wish you all the best.

[seancbk]

5 hours ago, KiChakayan said:

Hmmmhhh... The three years you were away,  or any time during your relationship, you never had sex with another woman?

 

Not everyone cheats.  

[gaff]

If you do not want to break the family, can you start a new life somewhere else not so far, but still spend time with your wife and kids ?

 

I think taking the decision to break everything is not always useful, if you can live a special life with more than 1 family. You won't be the first and the last.

 

As long as you do not fight with your wife in front of the kids and do not need to spend a lot for the wife, it should be ok?

 

Wife has only a dad now ? Let's hope that he dies soon to avoid future expenses for him!

 

 

 

[gaff]

15 minutes ago, seancbk said:

 

Not everyone cheats.  

 

Sad for the ones who don't !

 

 

[Cranky]

 "My wife is (naturally) from the northeast and therefore has had endless family issues"

 

Should read

 

 My wife is from the northeast and therefore (naturally) has had endless family issues

[Lacessit]

No sex is the reddest of red flags in any relationship. And she has admitted to cheating on you.

Stop now. Move out, and preserve as much of your assets as possible. Deal with the children issue later, after she realises her deadbeat giks aren't going to support her.

[Hummin]

19 minutes ago, Benroon said:

Wow I see the racist stereotyping shows no sigh of abating on here then !! 

Cound you give us the figures please to back this up ? 

For me it is a personal choice based on what I observe and what I have experienced. It is not based on a racist view, but on cultural differences. 

 

An father in Thailand have  no rights whatsoever you think, if not the child is citizen of your own homecountry solely. Custody right here if thai, can innbest case happen if you have a very good and solid case. I would not let my child greew up here without my presence! 

[Straight8]

On 8/22/2018 at 9:42 AM, NCC1701A said:

and thank you for posting as your experience will help others who are about to get married have a better understanding of one of many possible downside to marriage in Thailand.

 

Sadly we both know it won't, because "their" (others) girlfiriend/wife is "Different"

[Straight8]

9 hours ago, Boon Mee said:

Gotta feel sorry for the poor guy.  

Whenever you think you're having a bad day, remember what this poor soul has been threw.

 

 

[Straight8]

8 hours ago, KiChakayan said:

Hmmmhhh... The three years you were away,  or any time during your relationship, you never had sex with another woman?

Probably not from his OP.

 

Now he has a chance to make up from lost load dropping.

 

 

[smotherb]

5 hours ago, Hummin said:

I do not dissagree, just saying, there is reasons for someone to stay, rather than leave. I can not give you answers why, since I never stayed or stayl longer in relationships than 2-3 years, max 4, because I can not adopt to my type of women I choose demands. I get tired of bullshit is the easiest explanation. But I see my frinds still hanging on to bad relationships for different reasons. 

 

We all get challenged when the pink and blue colours fade, and you start smelling your gf fart, and their true self coming trough ? 

 

Im not perfect either. 

Yes, I know there are those who optimistically hope for the best or who rationalize their continued force-feeding of a poor relationship. There are considerations such as children, obligation to the wife, guilt from their own actions, ad infinitum. And, as you say, I too am not perfect; no one is. However, I think everyone has a boundary of tolerance; if crossed, that ends it. In my opinion, the OP stayed beyond any reasonable boundary. Apparently, he has just recognized this.

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, billsmart said:

In his original post he said "I already have a legal agreement granting me custody," so I've assumed he's already considered the "Run Away! Run Away!" option and has made the decision to take them with him. I'm just advising him that, IMO, the taking of that option is long, long overdue. ?

Your post seemed to base your opinion on Monty Python and mentioned nothing about the children. Additionally, having legal custody is not the end of it, there are the children to consider. What if they do not see their mother as the trifling ne'er-do-well the OP sees?

[zzaa09]

10 hours ago, JimmyTheMook said:

I don't at all.

 

Stay away from long term relationships with Isaan women and their deadbeat trash families.

 

 

Every situation will vary greatly from the next. 

This mindset that you display and promote does little but perpetuate the false textbook stereotype and myth - repeated over and again, ad nauseam, convincing yourself [and others of the same ignorant ilk] that the general broad brush is to be applied towards all things Thai. 

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Only once, but that was enough.

I remember going down the pub when I was 40, and complaining to my pals about the lack of sex in my marriage.

They nearly all agreed, wife aged 35+ = no sex and separate bedrooms after ybe sure heou bought the house and they had popped a few kids.

Maybe British wives are colder than other white women, but maybe they're not.

 

Maybe you were one of the lucky ones?

I had a British girlfriend in Vietnam. Feisty little ginger she was, good fun, but not marriage material. However, I do not assess relationship viability on geographic location. I believe there are good and  bad women everywhere; the same with everything else.

 

I do not place much credence in luck. I think relationships with women are similar to any other partnership; you have to be sure the potential exists, continually monitor the progress being made, jointly set workarounds for any problems being encountered, and when issues cannot be resolved; diversify and spin-off.  

 

Certainly,  no sex, separate bedrooms, and having to buy a house for her are issues which cannot be resolved. 

[Enoon]

 

 

[bwpage3]

If you have the ability to move where you can make your money back, take your children and start over. Your wife has wrecked your life. The most important thing to you should be the welfare of your children. Get them a western education and a chance in life. They have been exposed to way, way, way too much while you were away. Need to take them away and provide a normal life for them and give them a future where they can financially support themselves.

[billsmart]

1 hour ago, smotherb said:

Your post seemed to base your opinion on Monty Python and mentioned nothing about the children. Additionally, having legal custody is not the end of it, there are the children to consider. What if they do not see their mother as the trifling ne'er-do-well the OP sees?

Assuming the kids are minors, I say take the kids and go, and preferably out of Thailand. Of course I'm only basing my opinion on the OP. She might have a different story. Who knows?