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Worst Joke Ever 2024


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It was Saturday night and Ted and his two mates were all dressed up ready to paint the small town red. But first, Ted unexpectedly popped into church for confession. 
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I slept with a local woman who was not my wife." 
"I suppose it was Mary from the dairy." 
"No, Father." 
"Don't tell me it was Beth who is at the Kings Arms every evening?" 
"No, Father." 
"Then it must have been that brazen hussy from the newsagent's next door?" 
After the priest had given out the penance, Ted went back outside to meet his friends. He smiled at them, saying, 
"It's worked, lads, I've got the names of three ravers and at least one will be at the Kings Arms tonight!" 

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Oxymorons

 

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Why is bra singular and panties plural?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?
 

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meowt.jpg.374665f7f7d139d7ae1bbc2c09cdba99.jpg

 

Here are a few more fur you;

 

What did the cat think about wearing a dress? she was feline fine with it!
What is the cat wizard's name? Hairy Pawter 
Hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water at the sport stadium?  It set a new lap record. 
What is a cat’s favorite breakfast? Mice Krispies!

 

I’ll scratch around for some more and paws fur now!

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A new vicar had taken over at the small village church of St Gregory and he was eager to make a good impression. After the service, the congregation emerged from the church and each shook hands with the vicar. 
"Lovely sermon," said one. 
"It really made me stop and think," said another. 
All of a sudden, a rather scruffy man appeared and as he shuffled past he mumbled, "Load of <deleted>." 
Determined not to be affected by this, the vicar carried on greeting his parishioners. 
"Splendid sermon," they said, "thank you very much". 
"Quite inspiring." 
The vicar beamed gratefully. 
"Absolute crap, call himself a vicar?" came the mumbling of the scruffy man as he passed the vicar again after mixing with the congregation. This time, the vicar was more upset and the situation worsened as the man kept re-appearing and making comments. 
"Bored to tears", "not worth listening to", "what a prat!" 
The vicar could take it no longer. He turned to one of the congregation and pointed out the scruffy man and asked if she knew him. 
"Oh, you mustn't worry about old Ned, Vicar," said a kindly old woman. 


"He's not right in the head." 

"He just goes around repeating to the next person what everyone else has said to him last!" 

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