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Worst Joke Ever 2024


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Scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children.  Fair enough.  I'll use an ashtray instead.

 

I'm going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She's particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon.

 

I took my new girlfriend back to my place for the first time.

"This place needs cheering up", she said, "I'll get you some roses to put on your piano."

"Oh", I said, "couldn't you put tulips on my organ instead?"

 

 

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OAP's Medication

Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when Jimmy brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra

The Dave wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked his old mate Jimmy what it was for.

The Jimmy said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth Dave!! Makes you feel like a man of 30, maybe even 20!!" 

The Dave then asks Jimmy, "Where can you get it, just over the counter or?" 

Before old Dave could finish he was interrupted by Jimmy who said

 

"You probably could, if you took 2 pills at one time", said Jimmy. 
 

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New job in tatters!

The new employee at the publishing company stood before the paper shredder looking confused as he had never seen one before. 

"Need some help?" a secretary asked. 

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?" 

"Simple," she said, taking the fat new manuscript from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. 

 

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?" 
 

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