Worst Joke Ever 2024

[roo860]

[Crossy]

A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra. 👨‍⚕️

 

The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose.

“Why not?” asked the man.

“Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor.

“But I need it really bad,” said the man.

“Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor.

 

The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday.

Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.”

The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.”

 

---

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, “What happened to you?”

The man said, “No one showed up.”

 

[Crossy]

[xylophone]

NEWSFLASH…………..

 

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted, 'He's behind you!'

[roo860]

[roo860]

[roo860]

Back in the old days when Health and Safety didn't exist. 

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

A bloke walks into a literary agent: "This is a book i wrote. Total 500 pages."
"500 pages?!...  What's it about?"
"On the first page I wrote One King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page i wrote The King reached the Jungle."
"So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
"I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik tigdik...
Tigdiki tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik...
Agent :- (stunned) "AND what's that????!!!!!"
"That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
"AND Who will read your story?"
"Stick it in the AN worst joke thread.  The people there will read anything... In fact, one of them is reading it as we speak! 

[ballpoint]

Bill was out with his drinking as normal, but the others noticed that he had been quiet and thoughtful, worried even, all evening. Being close friends they naturally ignored this for an hour or two, but then one spoke up and asked what was wrong.

"Well", Bill explained, "It was our wedding anniversary today and the wife wasn't happy about me coming out with you lot instead of doing something with her at home."

Sympathetic grimaces from around the table.

"We argued and eventually she gave me an ultimatum; either I could stay home with her or I could go to the pub and I would come back to find that I was single."

"It's been preying on my mind all evening. What if she was bluffing?"

[ballpoint]

Police are searching for a thief who threatens his victims with a lit match.

They are desperate to find him before he strikes again.

[ravip]

[nglodnig]

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

A bloke walks into a literary agent: "This is a book i wrote. Total 500 pages."
"500 pages?!...  What's it about?"
"On the first page I wrote One King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page i wrote The King reached the Jungle."
"So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
"I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.

TL;DR

Edited February 25 by nglodnig

[roo860]

The Welsh bobsleigh team in training earlier

[KhunLA]

1 hour ago, ravip said:

Unless your 2048 ninth grandparents were gay or anywhere in between, then you wouldn't need to think about much ... does make one think how things will be in 400 years.  Minimum wage should be quite a bit more 

[VocalNeal]

My tree goes back 20 generations. hahaha.

[roo860]

[roo860]

[carlyai]

1 hour ago, VocalNeal said:

My tree goes back 20 generations. hahaha.

Never heard of VocalNeals, but Leopolds goes forever.

[ravip]

 

Can someone explain what a Dog Parent is?

 

[ravip]

[xtrnuno41]

6 hours ago, ballpoint said:

A bloke walks into a literary agent: "This is a book i wrote. Total 500 pages."
"500 pages?!...  What's it about?"
"On the first page I wrote One King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page i wrote The King reached the Jungle."
"So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?"
"I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik.... tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik ti tigdik tigdik...
Tigdiki tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik....
tigdik...
Agent :- (stunned) "AND what's that????!!!!!"
"That's the sound of the Horse running...The hooves digging the terrain."
"AND Who will read your story?"
"Stick it in the AN worst joke thread.  The people there will read anything... In fact, one of them is reading it as we speak! 

Where is the rest of all pages? Now I cant follow complete story.

[scottiejohn]

37 minutes ago, xtrnuno41 said:

Where is the rest of all pages? Now I cant follow complete story.

I suggest you have a canter around the library, they might be able to trot out some words to saddle you with while you have sip from your stirrup cup!

[ballpoint]

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

 

I found it, but I got crabs along the way.