fangless Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post fangless Posted August 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2020 A Scottish guy goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six Beers and whisky chasers, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal on the wall. He asks the barman, "What kind of animal is that?" The barman says, "It's a moose." The Scottish chap yells, "Help my Boab! How big are the bloody cats!?" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tifino Posted August 12, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2020 the continuing Saga of a wayward Son: 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tifino Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 a Joke... purely visual... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenslegs Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 14 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said: Herro, I've just got to let you know, it took me quite a while to get that one. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenslegs Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, tifino said: the continuing Saga of a wayward Son: It's just a phase he's going through. He needs an outlet for his energy. Edited August 12, 2020 by chickenslegs 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, chickenslegs said: It's just a phase he's going through. He needs an outlet for his energy. That's shocking but just keep plugging away at it and he will come back to earth! Edited August 13, 2020 by fangless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says... “Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go. The second murderer comes in and sits in the chair, and once again the priest asks “any last words?” And the murderer, bound tightly, desperately yells “I’m innocent!” They pull the switch, and once again nothing happens. The priest, clutching his chest at the miracle unfolding before him, cries out “2 failures of the electric chair in a row, it is unprecedented! God must be sending another sign. You too are innocent!” And the second murderer walked free. The third murderer, Irish, comes into the execution chamber and he too sits down in the electric chair. The priest, now a broken record, asks “any last words?” The third murderer looks around the room, and says “Ugh!, I think that the cord is unplugged over there.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 If electricity always follows the path of least resistance... Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France? What’s electricity’s favourite topic? Current events People asked me how it feels when you stick your finger in an electricity outlet? To be honest, it Hertz. Electricity is like a wife. It's cheaper to take the neighbour's 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post WorriedNoodle Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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WorriedNoodle Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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WorriedNoodle Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said: Blowing you're own trumpet again I see! ???? Edited August 13, 2020 by fangless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 THE ELECTRIC CHAIR - PART TWO A bad tempered ex Hell’s Angle somehow got a job as a bus conductor. On his very first day on the job he got involved in an argument with a passenger and killed him. He got sent to court and given the death penalty by electric chair. For his final meal he chose to have a banana. He sat in the chair and the switch was flipped and the electricity was turned on. Amazingly the man survived and due to laws if a execution fails the inmate should be free to go as it is a sign from god. The next week, he amazingly managed to get his job back and did the same thing. Again he was taken to court and again given the death penalty by electric chair. The same as before he asked for a banana for his final meal and eat it just before he was sat in the chair. The switches were flipped and the electricity was turned on but once again he amazing survived. So again according to laws he had to be let go again and he somehow managed to get the same job back. However the man had not leant his lesson and fell out with his driver and murdered him. He was again taken to court and again given death penalty by electric chair. When asked what he wanted for his final meal he asked for a banana but the man controlling the chair replied with, “I’ve had it with you, I’m not giving you another banana just for you to walk away again.” The murderer understood and sat down in the chair for a third time. The switches were flipped another time and amazingly he survived again! The executioner was shocked that this had happened a third time with the same man and asked him how he did it without the banana which he replied with, “it had nothing to do with the banana, I’m just not a very good conductor.” 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Denis Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 15 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said: > I just tweeted him my bank-account number together with my suggestions so that he can properly thank me for it - Camel-at-Half Miss (referring to the bumps of a camel, and meeting the sexist criterium) Channel a HardP1ss (catering to the admirers of his hard-core Russian prostitute adventure) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Grumpy one Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossy Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 On 8/12/2020 at 12:14 PM, faraday said: Yea, I recently invented a cleaner liquid. Called it the Finest Universal Cleaner Known. Had a slogan with it too: "When nothing gets those stains off then, <deleted> It" Mine was called the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluent Remover - same slogan different <deleted> ???? Thanks to Shep Wooley a long time ago https://www.facebook.com/people/Shep-Woolley/100013391821871 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Peter Denis Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 7 minutes ago, Crossy said: ... Mine was called the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluent Remover - same slogan different <deleted> ???? ... We all seem to have had same experience. Also my genius language-teaching guide was unfairly dismissed and even banned on some Forums. But that Best Universal Language Learning Study Help Instruction Teaching-guide later proved its worth in Thai immigration announcements. ???? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BritManToo Posted August 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Crossy said: Mine was called the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluent Remover - same slogan different <deleted> ???? Thanks to Shep Wooley a long time ago https://www.facebook.com/people/Shep-Woolley/100013391821871 Who copied it from Fred Wedlock (Frollicks 1973). Originally written Derek Craft in about 1964. Edited August 13, 2020 by BritManToo 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 53 minutes ago, Crossy said: Mine was called the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluent Remover - same slogan different <deleted> ???? Thanks to Shep Wooley a long time ago https://www.facebook.com/people/Shep-Woolley/100013391821871 Incredible That Shep is still around and touring. I used to see him round Pompie in the 1970's! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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