McDonald's Blues

President Trump awakens one Winter morning to discover someone has peed “Impeach Trump” in the snow. He calls the Secret Service to investigate.

When they return, they tell the President that they have bad news and even worse news.

The bad news is that it’s Vice President Pence’s urine. This infuriates the President, who then asks what could be worse than that.

The Secret Service informs them that it’s Melania’s handwriting.

Where's Wally?

 

I didn't know what to get my 9 year old Scouse nephew for his birthday.

So I put 20 quid in his nan's purse.

Free at last!

 

Two Irishmen are lost in the Arabian desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are just about to collapse and wait for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Paddy, do you smell what I smell.  It's bacon - I'm sure of it.'
'Yes, Mick, it sure smells like bacon to me.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Paddy, Paddy we're saved. It is a bacon tree.'
'Mick, are you sure it's not a mirage? We are in the desert, don't forget.'
'Paddy, when did you ever hear of a mirage that smells like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a bacon tree.'  And, with that, Mick races towards the tree.
He gets to within five metres, Paddy following closely behind, when, all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up and Mick is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Paddy with his dying breath.
'Paddy... go back man, you was right it's not a bacon tree.'
'Mick, Mick ... what the fairk is it?'
'Paddy... its not a bacon tree...
it's...
it's...
it's...
it's a Ham Bush.'

On 11/3/2019 at 4:54 PM, fasteddie said:

When I were a lad I really did have a mate called James Bond, it was a scream seeing coppers getting right agitated every time they asked his name, they wouldn't believe him especially as the rest of us were pi**ing ourselves laughing, they just thought he was taking the mickey Lol

I had a gay boss in North Africa. Name..Mustapha Fella...true.

5 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

 

I had to look very carefully, now I only see the happy people ????