Two Irish navvies sitting together in the pub:
Mick complains to Pat that he can never get a good job on the building sites:

" Dey always seem to tink Oi'm tick".

Pat says: 'Don't use your nick - name; do loike Oi do - I use my proper name 'Patrick'- sounds much better'.

So at next job interview, Mick goes in: interviewer asks-

" Good morning; and what's your name?"

"Mickrick"

31 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

A tall, fat Roman walks into a tailor shop. Asks the tailor, "Do you have XL togas?".

Tailor replies, "Well, yes, but I must ask, why do you want so many?"

Isn't there one where a woman tries on an XL dress and it won't fit but was happy when offered an L dress that did fit.

2 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Is there not an app for that? 

3 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

Is there not an app for that? 

Or do you mean Op! 

In China, you can criticise every Roman numeral from I to X.

But you can't criticize Xi.

Some time ago Thailand and China could not agree on trade relations. How things have changed!
China would not accept the official Thai Baht currency, but Thailand saw that China would readily accept South Korean Won with no problems.

Thailand decided they would try to get around the issue by purchasing a large amount of Korean *Won* to use for international trading,

Only problem was that China would not recognize Thai*Won* as legitimate.

My girlfriend said my obsession with Only Fools And Horses was too much and asked me to go.
I said, I'll get the suitcase from the van...

Two new horses meet in a field
One says, "Howdy new neigh-bour!"

The other thinks, "Holy horse manure, a talking horse!"

 

 

5 hours ago, roo860 said:

Are you sure it is not an advert from a "dark" gay web site?

 

 

Public street lighting was first developed in the 16th c. and accelerated following the invention of lanterns with glass windows, in 1588 the Parisian Parliament decreed that a torch be installed and lit at each intersection, and in 1594 the police changed this to lanterns.

7 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Public street lighting was first developed in the 16th c. and accelerated following the invention of lanterns with glass windows, in 1588 the Parisian Parliament decreed that a torch be installed and lit at each intersection, and in 1594 the police changed this to lanterns.

Spot on!

Very illuminating and titillating I must say!

 

Ps;  The French were obviously streets ahead of their time, for once, or twice, in this very uplifting case!

38 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Are you sure it is not an advert from a "dark" gay web site?

Critical anatomy theory? 

6 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Very illuminating and titillating I must say!

 

Ps;  The French were obviously streets ahead of their time, for once, or twice, in this very uplifting case!

She has a kind mouth...

36 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Critical anatomy theory? 

Possibly or else they are horsing around or, on second thoughts,  they are playing at being a pair of donkeys and just @rsing around?

38 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

She has a kind mouth...

What mouth?

I was too busy looking at the illuminations, or whatever those two round objects are called!

39 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

She has a kind mouth...

What kind of mouth is that?

Says I with my mind(?) boggling!

54 minutes ago, BenStark said:

 

 

How do you frick a chicken?

PS; What chicken, and for that, matter what oven?

53 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

What kind of mouth is that?

Says I with my mind(?) boggling!

The kind you like to stick your..........in. 

The commercial recipe for Hobnob biscuits was introduced by McVitie's in the UK in 1985. Demand for the plain Hobnobs led to the introduction of a chocolate variant in 1987. Available in many varieties, including dark chocolate, chocolate orange, and Hobnob bars.

.

3 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

The kind you like to stick your..........in. 

Brian, sorry, brain into gear with!