Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Bob. 

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Bob soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzle bear stood right next to him.  The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Bob. That bear was my cousin and you’ve got two choices- either I maul your to death or we have rough sex.”


Again, Bob thought it was better to co-operate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.  Although he survived, it took several months before Bob fully recovered. Now Bob was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder, He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.  The polar bear looked at him and said,

 

“Admit it, Bob, you don’t come here just for the hunting, do you?”

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ferrari.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"
"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. 
"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" he says.

"It was the lady up the street," says the boy. "I don't know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy her Ferrari for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!" says the mother. "Maybe she's mentally ill or has Alzheimer's something. John, you better go see what's going on."

So the boy's father walks up the street to the house where the lady lives and finds her out in the yard calmly planting flowers. He introduces himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Ferrari for fifteen dollars and asks to know why she did it.

"Well," she says, "two days ago my husband left on a business trip. Yesterday I got a phone call from his boss and found out that he really ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back."

"Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry," the father says. "But what does that have to do with my son and your Ferrari?"

"Well, this morning he called and told me that the business meetings were over but he was stranded because he got robbed of his wallet with all his credit cards and cash last night.

He asked me to sell his new Ferrari for whatever I could get at such short notice and send him whatever money I was able to sell it for!

So I did."

I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.

But then again, I’ve never liked change.

Did you hear about the new odd shaped birth control/anti dating pill for men?
You put it in of your shoes and it makes you limp.

Two bored young male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She says,

“I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.” With that, she strips down, rolls the dice, and yells,

“Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice come to a stop she jumps up and down and squeals,

“YES! YES! I WON, I WON!”

She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departs.

The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asks,

“What did she roll?”

The other answers,

“I don’t know—I thought you were watching.”

A somewhat "simple" teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings, ripped jeans and foul language.

Later, after the boy has gone home, the girl’s mum says to her,

“Dear, just look and listen to him, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mum!”

says the daughter.
“Don't go by his appearance etc as he must be a nice boy"

 

"He has just finished doing 500 hours of community service!”

New series starts tonight.

 The new Russian AI application ChatKGB has just been released

It asks all the questions and you are obligated to answer them!

What do you call the people waiting to buy tickets to the new Barbie movie at the Cinema?
A Barbecue!

I found $20 in the parking lot of a grocery store. I asked myself, What Would Jesus Do? So I went back in and turned it into wine.

How do you make ugly children?

................ dunno........................

 

Ask your parents.