After all these years, I just found out that I'm colour blind.

That was a bolt out of the yellow!

 

What do you call a black guy flying a plane?

The pilot, you racist!

 

A boy goes to a fancy dress party wearing only his underwear.

When asked what he was he said "a premature ejaculation.  I've just come in my pants".

What does Geronimo shout while skydiving?

Mmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Brits - always come prepared ...

2 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Shouldn't that read "SHOUT OUT AT THE OK CHORALE"?

I went to the doctors. He said ‘I’d like you to lie on the couch’. I said ‘What for?’ He said ‘I’d like to sweep the floor’.
 

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’

 

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The other one says “So are you, you fat bast**d!”

IF YOU THOUGHT THE PREVIOUS OLDIES WERE BAD!!

 

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

 

A man walked into the doctors, he said, “I’ve hurt my arm in several places”

The doctor said, “Well don’t go there anymore”

 

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.

 

Heard the one about two aerials meeting on a roof, falling in love, and getting married?

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant

 

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank!

Proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

THE ULTIMATE 19th HOLE?

A golfer sets his ball on the tee and lines up his shot. He takes a massive swing and puts the ball into a huge forest of trees along the fairway. He finds his ball and sees an opening he thinks he could sneak the ball through. Taking out his three wood, the golfer takes another mighty swing. The ball bounces off a tree and fires back at him, nailing him in the forehead and killing him instantly.

St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates and asks how his golf game had been progressing.
The golfer said to St. Peter confidently,

 

"Got up here in two, didn't I?"

19 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Shows you what i know!I thought it was barley for all of my life!!!

Never too old to learn something new,if i did not have thaivisa and no

potatoes i would be hungry all of the time!

4 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

I remember in the early days when it was hot desking as there were more people than desks.

6 hours ago, jvs said:

Shows you what i know!I thought it was barley for all of my life!!!

Never too old to learn something new,if i did not have thaivisa and no

potatoes i would be hungry all of the time!

OMG!  You claim to beleive something I have posted in the "worst joke" section of TV!
You are beyond redemtion and have been having a few too many "wheat smooties" in my opinion!  (555)

PS; Beer is one of the oldest and most widely consumed alcoholic drinks in the world. It is also the third most popular drink overall after water and tea. Beer is brewed from cereal grains—most commonly from malted barley, though wheat, maize (corn), and rice are also used!
(see we are both correct)!