3 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Bloody Arabs, parking on the footpath.

My wife sent me a sweet text that read,

“If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”

I love music. I've been collecting vinyl ever since records began.

Years ago, I auditioned for a role as an extra in Goodfellas.

However, apparently, they gave the part to one of the lead actors children.

I would have got it too if it wasn't for those Pesci kids.

I had a part in Oliver Twist.

It was great! I couldn't ask for more.

7 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

Aladdin stopped , as he had to pee.

34 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

Is that menstrual blood? 

11 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Is that menstrual blood? 

 

Wow thats about a million miles away from  the Braille on a car gear stick.....answer  Yellowtail.

 

What are you going to do when they make that stuff illegal latter this year.............

 

11 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Wow thats about a million miles away from  the Braille on a car gear stick.....answer  Yellowtail.

 

What are you going to do when they make that stuff illegal latter this year.............

 

I got the braille the last ten times this joke was posted, I just noticed the blood spot. 

 

Hey, why does the fire button in an elevator have braille? Would it not be too hot to read? 

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” As time went by, the hours flew and the margaritas disappeared far too quickly. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with

such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”…. he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh <deleted>” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

10 hours ago, Yellowtail said:

I got the braille the last ten times this joke was posted, I just noticed the blood spot. 

 

I dont think its a blood spot----just reflection....and sorry if this is the 10th posing of the joke (?)  I guess the Joke Forum is crying out for original postings,

 

Maybe you can lend a hand with that Yellowtail..................