Phone rings at the local police station...

"Hello... Anyone there?" the voice on the phone asks..

"Yes, we're all here..." answers the policeman

"Then just stay there!"

"Why is that?"

"Because if you don't I'll lose my driver's license!"

A man walked to kiosk selling newspapers every morning, picked one up, looked at the front page, then put it back on the shelf. This was going on for a while, when finally, the seller asks the man what he's looking for.

"Obituary," answers the man.

"But obituaries are at the back of the papers, not the front page"

"Not the one I'm waiting for!"

Young woman walks into high end fashion outlet and goes straight to the cashier.

"This morning, when I was shopping here, you made a mistake. The change you gave me was off by 1000 Baht"

"Sorry, madam, but you should have told me immediately. It is too late now!"

"Fine, I'll just keep it then..."

Elderly gentleman complains to his friend about his problems with impotence...

"That's really easy to fix. Eat a lot of bread!"

"Are you serious?"
"Sure! Everyone knows that!"

The guy walks off to the bakery and asks for a whole loaf of bread.

"Are you sure about that?", asks the seller. "It will get hard!"

"If that's the case, give me 3 of them!"

Paddy buys a digital watch. Wears it proudly every day and night.

One day, his wife asks him what time it is...

Silence.

She asks again, a bit louder...

Still silence.

She storms to living room and yells "Don't you hear me?! WHAT TIME IS IT?!"

Annoyed, Paddy blurts out:"You go and figure it out! It's 17 divided by 24!"

This screams out for a caption - have a go!