Cosmetic surgery clinics, nail salons, hair salons, waxing centres and tanning places are all closed again due to yet another lockdown.

Watch out guys, it’s about to get ugly out there.

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.“Looking at your résumé, I can see that you’re more than qualified,” says the interviewer.
“Unfortunately, we can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire you.”
“But wait,” says the man. “If I take two aspirin, I stop winking.”
“Then show me,” replies the interviewer. So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin.
He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

“It’s great you stopped winking,” says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the country.”
“What do you mean?” asks the man. “I’m happily married.”
“How do you explain all the condoms?” asks the interviewer.
“Oh, that,” sighs the man. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin."
 

A husband and wife are lying in bed, having just wakened from a night's sleep.

Wife:  "I had a dream I was at Walmart."

Husband: "I had a dream I was in bed with two women."

Wife: "Was I one of the women?"

Husband. "No, you were at Walmart."

My mate once said, "The first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss."

It's true. I still remember mine,

an old banger that stank of <deleted>...

For the life of me, I can't remember what the car was though!

A guy from Tasmania who I work with was telling me about the Annual Miss Incest competition held there.

He entered his sister.

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