"Mr Luckless, before I pass sentence, do you have anyone who could vouch for your good character?" asked the judge. 
"Yes, Your Honour, I do," he replied. 
"Him over there" and he pointed to the local police officer. 
"But your Honour," spluttered the officer, "I've never met this man in my life." 
"Exactly," exclaimed Mr Luckless, triumphantly. "I've lived in this town for twenty years and the police still don't know me. 
Now doesn't that show good character?" 
 

The missus asked what I was doing on the computer.
I said I was looking for cheap flights...
She got all excited, which is strange as she's never shown any interest in Darts before!
 

My Living Will
Last night my kids and I were sitting In the living room and I said to them,
"1 never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug on me." They got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine!!
The little b^stards.

An aristocratic bear was being pestered by attacking bees while he enjoyed a nice meal of honey. To calm them down he politely requested "Gentlemen , could you please beehive yourselves !"

 

 

 

 

 

 

The worst one I can remember......  can't seem to forget it.

Edited May 7, 20197 yr by Seth1a2a

This is not a joke, posts have been removed in the past for containing profanity and another post containing profanity has now been removed:

 

8.) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

My dog makes weird sounds. What could be wrong with him? 

Our female neighbor loves our dog". 

A post using a foreign language has been removed.  English is the only acceptable language anywhere on ThaiVisa including Classifieds, except within the Thai language forum, where of course using Thai is allowed. 

My day started off allright but soon turned into a disaster.

First my wife got run over by a bus and then i lost my job as

a busdriver.