Doctor: What can I do for you?

Patient: I can’t pronounce ‘F’ or ‘TH’

Doctor: Well you can’t say fairer than that

My wife bought me a blindfold to help me sleep better.
I can't see myself wearing it though.

3 hours ago, roo860 said:

I don't.  She can have mine.

Big Arty was a hit man.  He agreed to do a cheap job for a friend - the price being just £1.00.

He was to grab the friend's wife in Tesco car park and throttle her.

She was blonde, wore a black beret and a scarlet coat.

He waited till she came out and he quickly dispatched her.

As he was leaving he sighted another female who fitted the description so he dispatched her as well, just to be sure.

Next day’s headlines:

Big Arty Chokes 2 for a £1.00 at Tesco.

I asked the doctor if masturbation can affect your eyesight.
He said "This is a hardware store mate"

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
– 

 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– 

 

Wife inspires us to great things and prevent us from achieving them.
– 

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
– 

 

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
-

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– 

 

When you are in love,
wonders happen.
But once you get married, you wonder, what happened.
- 

 

And the best one is…

Marriage is a beautiful forest where Brave Lions are killed by Beautiful Deers.
-

 

'Marriage is the only battle in the world where the combatants share a bed'.
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