I heard my neighbour chanting: "DOMINE... BACTERIUM... LACTOBACILLUS... CASEI... SHIROTA!"
I think he's dabbling in the Yakult.

Her Diary:
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Today I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do.. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:
*******
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out, but at least I got laid.

What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?

Jurassic Pork.

What's black and white and red all over?

A nun rolling down a cactus-covered hill.

Three women died and were in the queue to get into heaven. St Peter asks them all the same question “have you been good girls?”

The firsts says yes, I was a virgin till my wedding night and I’ve been true to my husband ever since. At which, Peter turns to the Angel Gabriel and says “give this fine woman the key to a silver bedroom.”

The second says “yes, I stayed a virgin all my life. I’m as pure as the day I was born”. St Peter turns to Gabriel and says “give this pure and wonderful woman the key to a gold room”, and he turns to the third woman and says, “what about you my child”

The woman replies, “well not really, I used to suck the boys off at school behind the bike sheds, I lost my virginity at 14. I had my first threesome at my graduation prom and I started doing bukkake parties at uni. Oh, and I like a bit of girl on girl action too”

St Peter looks over at Gabriel and says “give this woman the key to my room.”
 

A Welshman washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon, Leader of the Scottish Nationalists. That evening, the man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nicola batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

52 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

Strange use of commas but you get the gist.

Another satisfied customer :