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24 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

I've just had a one hour random conversation with this scooter

Are you still friends or did she tell you to get on your bike?

3 hours ago, fangless said:

But I know a friend who does!

????

Yeah, but he's dead.

What's the difference between a tramp and an MP?
One sits about on a bench all day, usually falling asleep, enjoys long liquid lunches and contributes nothing to society.
The other's a tramp.

Famous Russians:

Evavestov, the stripper

Inovthered, the snooker player

Yaputya Leftlegin, the hokey-kokey champion. 
Sickovia Karpet, the party goer. 

 

I was a very happy person.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!

10 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Yeah, but he's dead.

Is that why I don't get any return calls, just an unearthly silence?