4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

So, when you said you were going to get some ducks, it wasn't eating them that you had in mind?

That's correct Ducky!

 

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I don't see the joke here! 

 

I wonder if I have got myself into a blind spot!

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

The penny, or whatever, has just dropped. 

Pity I didn't get it originally!

18 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Road Tax.....................

 

Looks like a Jumbo "Meals on Wheels" organised via a trunk call!

4 hours ago, overherebc said:

Same joke but in a cannibal butcher shop.

Republican brains:   $10 kg

Independent brains:  $50 kg

Democrat brains:   $100 kg

 

What makes the Democrat brains so expensive?

 

You know how many Democrats it takes to get a kilogram of brains? 

Same joke, but cost of brains for transplant:

 

Scientist's brain: $100,000

Doctor's brain: $200,000

Engineer's brain: $300,000

Factory worker's brain: $400,000

Civil servant's brain: $500,000

Leftist's brain:  $1,000,000

 

Why so much for lefty's brain? 

 

Mint condition, never been used.............

What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?

Gifted.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

 

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

 

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss

The Moral of the story? 
Even though the others do all the work.... The *ss hole is usually put in charge

 

The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."

 

Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."

 

All, present in the court, burst out laughing.

 

Banging the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."

 

Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."

9 hours ago, ballpoint said:

 

Have you seen the new Stevie Wonder music video? 

   No? Neither has he...

 

 

 

How did Stevie's mom punish him? 

   Rearranged the furniture...

A Chemist walks in... 

 

I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction.
My copy of the script said:
'Enter Juliet from the rear' 
 

Who remembers back in the day before Facebook and Twitter when you used to take a photo of your dinner, go in to town and get it developed, then go around to all of your friends house's to show them what you had been eating earlier..?
Me neither so bleeding well stop it...! 
 

Paddy goes for a job at a chemical factory.
The factory manager asks,
"Have you worked with chemicals before?"
"Yes!" Paddy replies.
The manager asks,
"Can you tell me what nitrate is?"
Paddy replies,
'I'm hoping its going to be time and a half as usual
 

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave? -

 

Rust in peace.