A bit kinky ...

Don’t jump,” said Paddy to the man on the ledge. “Think of your wife and children.” “I’ve got no wife or children.”

“Then think of your parents.”

“I don’t have any parents.”

“Then think of St Patrick.”

“Who’s St Patrick?”

“Then go an Jump, ya bleedin looser.”

Englishman explained to his doctor that all his life he’d really wanted to be an Irishman.

“Well,” said the doctor, “there’s an operation you can undergo. We just remove a portion of the brain and you’ll be thinking and speaking like an Irishman in no time at all.”

“Right,” said the Englishman, “I’ll have it.”

Three weeks later the doctor walked into his patient’s hospital room with a very worried expression on his face.

“I’ve made a terrible mistake,” he explained.

“I’ve removed eighty per cent of your brain instead of twenty per cent.”

 

“She’ll be right mate,” drawled the patient with a grin.

Why is Dracula so unpopular?
Because he's a pain in the neck.
 

Shakespeare walked into a bar and asked for a beer.

‘I can’t serve you,’ said the bartender.

‘You’re bard.’ 
 

Chat-up Line:- I’m a mind reader and yes I will sleep with you.