I just can't believe how rude the guy manning the suppository helpline was.

The missus brought home a tub of ice cream and asked if I wanted some.

"How hard is it?" I asked.

She cheekily replied,

"As hard as you are when you're thinking about me naked."

I said, "Ok, pour me a glass!"

I started a pessimism jar.  It's like a swear jar where you put money in if you have negative thoughts.

I've only had it a couple of days and it's already half empty.

I'm so unlucky in love.

I once dated a blind girl, but it turned out she was seeing someone else.

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

My mate had two watches stolen from his hotel room in Spain…

Adios Omegas!

I bet he was really ticked off!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.