30 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

And I thought he would be pining for his comrade cut down in his prime!

THE ALL NEW LAZY COFFEE CUP MENU

 

TO COMPLEMENT YESTERDAY'S OLD TEXTING PUZZLE!

  A lady customer in a Post Office was puzzled to see a man spraying scent on a huge pile of Valentine’s envelopes before posting them.

‘What are you doing?’ she asked. 
 He replied:

‘I’m sending out a thousand Valentine’s cards signed “Guess who?”’ 
 ‘Why do you want to do that?’ she queried. 
 ‘It’s simple,’ he replied.

 

‘I’m a divorce lawyer.’ 
 

 For weeks, a six-year-old boy had been telling his teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day his mother allowed him to feel the movements of the unborn child. Although obviously impressed, he didn’t say anything and from then on, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. 
 The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said: ‘Timmy, whatever became of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?’ 
 Timmy burst into tears and confessed:

 

‘I think Mummy ate it!’ 
 

 Alternative Definitions 
 Abundance - a baker’s ball 
 Accord - thick piece of string 
 Accrue - people who work on a ship 
 Acoustic - thing you use to hit the balls in snooker or pool 
 

 A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the various people mentioned in the will.

‘To you, my loving wife Mary, who stood by me throughout our marriage, I leave the house and two million.

To my daughter, Jodie, who kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business, and one million. And to my brother Dan who hated me, argued with me constantly, and thought that I would never mention him in my will, well you are wrong.

 

Hi, Dan, you can now sod off!’ 
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 
 

What do you get when you cross:- A hula dancer and a boxer?

A Hawaiian Punch. 
 

What did the bee say to the other bee in summer?

-

Swarm here, isn’t it? 
 

The "reverse" Chat-up Line:- •

I'm lactose intolerant so please keep your cheesy pick up lines away from me. 
 

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And if you don't want to 'save' the planet -

we'll tax the sh£t out of you anyway LOL!

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