Sums me up nicely !!

Know the feeling well !!

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Sums me up nicely !!

You must have got up after 0939 on Sunday then- see post 2787 (again)

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get- well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mum came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'
My Mum waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know...) 'Did it ever occur to you that the only places that our daughter can reach to get water is the toilet and the dogs water bowls?'
 

A man went into the bookies and left his big male Pit Bull outside tied to a post. Some minutes later, another man came rushing in looking very distraught. He said to the man
"Is that your Dog  outside?" 
"Yes" he replied. 
"Oh, bloody hell, I think my dog's killed him." 
"What!" roared the man "That’s impossible, I bet you a hundred bucks it must be another guy’s dog mine's the biggest meanest Pit Bull in the whole county.  What kind of dog have you got anyway?" 
"A little fluffy peke." 
"A peke! but how could a small dog like that kill my dog?" said the puzzled man. 
"I think it got stuck in his throat" came the reply as a $100 was paid up. 
 

But is it an abbreviation [emoji848]

You must have got up after 0939 on Sunday then- see post 2787 (again)

Whatever Eddie has he’s passed it on to me !









Knew I shouldn’t have kissed him ????

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. 
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about who you were, your name etc.  After I told him your name and described you in more detail he asked outright if your work would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, like all your works have done in the past, he bought all 15 of your paintings." 
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" 

"The guy said he is your doctor. and that you had been to see him for some important tests recently" 
 

3 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Knew I shouldn’t have kissed him

Just because Eddie posts fairy tales does not mean you have to kiss every frog you meet.

I tried to start a chewing gum business but I couldn't get it off the ground.

19 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

This actually makes sense !!.......doesn’t it ??

Going by some of your recent actions I would agree.

Please keep up the good (Bad!) work and continue to keep us all amused.

1 hour ago, JamesBlond said:

I tried to start a chewing gum business but I couldn't get it off the ground.

I find that hard to swallow but I think you should chew it over and try to stick with it.

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

But is it an abbreviation

If it was up your ass you would feel abbreviated, or do I mean aggravated.

 

What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot ??




One is an Australian animal the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift !!

The Guinness World Record for the high jump from a kneeling position was broken recently ...

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We thought we'd be young forever.

12 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Whatever Eddie has he’s passed it on to me !









Knew I shouldn’t have kissed him ????

I'm not passing nowt, buy your own ????

10 hours ago, fasteddie said:

I'm not passing nowt, buy your own

Typical Scottish attitude.

 

PS;  Note to self, do not look in the mirror when posting on TV!

10 hours ago, fasteddie said:

I know a fast Psychopath who like being kissed!

At the breakfast table the next morning the husband put his head in his hands and groaned loudly. 
"Oh bloody hell, what a party last night, I can't remember a thing about it. Did I make a prat of myself?" 
"You sure did," replied his wife. "You put your hand up the skirt of your boss's wife and told your boss to <deleted> off." 
"<deleted>! What happened?" 
"He sacked you." 
"Well, <deleted> him, the bast&rd." 
"I did," replied the wife, "and you've got your job back." 
 

"Darling," said his wife, "if I died before you, do you think you would get married again?" 
"Maybe," he replied. 
"And would you do all the little things we did together." 
"Maybe." 
"Would you give her my special golf clubs?" 
"Oh no, she's right handed." 
 

 
A man and his wife arrived at a party half-way through the evening to find most of the guests in the middle of a frenzied party game. 
"What's going on here?" he asked. 
"Oh come and join in," he was urged. "It's a great game. All the girls are blindfolded and they have to go round guessing who the men are by feeling their private bits." 
The man hesitated. 
"Oh I'm not sure about that," he said. 

His wife, who was proud of her husband's "manhood", encouraged him on until she heard somebody say;
"Don't be shy, your name's been called out four times already!"