My Random Important End of the Year Questions for the Experts

[Nyezhov]

1. What does a chicken flattening machine look like?

 

2 What exactly do they feed the chickens to make the yolks orange?

 

3. At what age do Thai girls learn to do the Gordian Knot Rubber band Trick?

 

4. In that regard, do they have special knots for foreigners?

 

6. If every restaurant and street stall serves Grilled pork neck and Pork Knuckles, what do they do with the rest of the pig?

 

7. Do water buffalo really get sick?

 

8. Why do Thai girls spend all their money on skin creams and face whitening and makeup and then let moss grow on their hideous hobbit feet?

 

9. How to you run from a rabid soi dog in flip flops.

 

10. Why is the size of a Thai girl in inverse proportion to her falang boyfriend?

 

11. Why do Russian Guys in Thailand always look furtive?

 

12. How do Africans in Bangkok hide in a crowd?

 

13. Can you really get a BJ in a bar, or do you have to go to a room?

 

14. Why don't they have real police cars, instead of either pickup trucks or Mercedes?

 

15. Why do soi dogs run down the street but avoid going past the barriers into the condo parking lot?

 

16. Whats with the chickens and roosters, live or statues, everywhere?

 

17. Why do you never see a Thai girl without a bag of something?

 

18. Why do Thai guys wear fanny packs across their chests?

 

19. If the spray kitchen cleaner I use kills cockroaches instantly, is it safe to use on surfaces?

 

20. What is the maximum carrying capacity, people wise, of a Honda Wave?

 

21. What is the purpose of putting bunny ears or a Roman Scrub brush on a bike helmet?

 

22. Why do Security Guards salute instead of wai?

 

23. Why dont condos have hot water anywhere else than the shower?

 

24. Why do they call Limes, lemon?

 

25. Where are the lemons? The yellow ones.

 

26. If you know the taxi fare to point X is 150 baht, and you offer 100 to the driver and he takes you, did you just rip him off?

 

27. In light of the above, can he report you?

 

28. Why is Guava juice loaded with salt?

 

29. Why do Chompoos look like apples but taste like sour pears?

 

30. Why dont they stop Chinese folks from carrying Durian on the MRT?

 

31. If weed is illegal, why do the Arabs sell bongs down on Sukhamvit?

 

32. How do you stop from sweating in a Burkha?

 

33. How come when I see a dude talking to a ladyboy, I hear him speak German?

 

35. Why do they sell NY Yankee ball caps next to ones that say Abu Dahbi?

 

36. Am I oversensitive because I get annoyed seeing guys in Real Cowboy hats?

 

37. If you are too old and feeble to walk up the stairs to Mandarin without help, why are you there?

 

38. Do farang really eat the Thai street food on Soi Nana?

 

39. Whats the story with the worm dude on Sukhamvit?

 

40. With the internet and all that, how can they still be touting ping pong shows in Patpong?

 

41. How many makeup stores do they really need in Bangkok?

 

42. Why is the announcement lady's voice the same on the BTS and the MRT?

 

43. Is Hua Lamphong area the sleaziest tourist area in Bangkok?

 

44. Whats with the cats tails?

 

45. Why does Villa Market always smell like puke?

 

46. Why is packaged ham in 7-11 wrapped in industrial strength plastic?

 

47. Why does New Zealand made Cheddar slices taste like American cheese?

 

48. If there is a surplus of pineapples, why isnt the juice cheaper?

 

49. Why does everyone walk clockwise at Thermae?

 

50. Whats really in Srai Grok that I dont know about?

 

Happy 2019 upcoming

 

 

 

 

 

[AtoZ]

51. you smoking that medical ganja already? 

[balo]

12 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

20. What is the maximum carrying capacity, people wise, of a Honda Wave?

I can answer this one .  

Around 6 small and bigger people, maybe 8 if you add the dog and a cat. 

 

 

 

[Justin Side]

48. If there is a surplus of pineapples, why isnt the juice cheaper?

 

Because they can rip us off.

[Justin Side]

14. Why don't they have real police cars, instead of either pickup trucks or Mercedes?

 

Pick Up Trucks are easier to stash the cash they steal from innocent motorists.

[ProbPossConf]

Perhaps if you live in the LOS for 10 more years and have a daily Thai companion, then maybe the answers to all your questions will be answered.   555, great, funny observations.  Will admit I do not know all the answers.

[jvs]

I see you are still not over the foot thing,question number 13

answer,yes someplaces.

26 .security guards used to wai but few westerners could wai back correctly and ride a motorbike at the same time.

The do not really know how to properly salute either but now there are less accidents.

[Gracas]

9 hours ago, ProbPossConf said:

Perhaps if you live in the LOS for 10 more years and have a daily Thai companion, then maybe the answers to all your questions will be answered.

No, this would only raise many more questions and not provide any answers to the questions already put forward.

[EVENKEEL]

Good luck on POTY 2019, you're off to a good start. 

[cornishcarlos]

10 hours ago, balo said:

I can answer this one .  

Around 6 small and bigger people, maybe 8 if you add the dog and a cat. 

 

 

 

 

That's a Suzuki though !!

 

OP, I believe I would enjoy seeing 1 list of your observations every month. This is what TVF used to be like, before everyone loss their sense of humor ????

[Dexlowe]

11 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

1. What does a chicken flattening machine look like?

This is an early example of a typical chicken flattening machine. It is extremely efficient, but the drawbacks are that it makes a lot of noise and is prone to making a meal out of the product.

Edited December 29, 2018 by Dexlowe
Plucked if I know.

[Nyezhov]

1 hour ago, cornishcarlos said:

OP, I believe I would enjoy seeing 1 list of your observations every month. This is what TVF used to be like, before everyone loss their sense of humor

I lost mine a while ago, but Yadong helps ????

[Nyezhov]

2 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

Good luck on POTY 2019, you're off to a good start. 

Doubtful. Unless I completely stay out of the political topics, I doubt I will last the year. ????

 

Its like I wake up, and am waiting for a batch of photos to process and Ill see a topic and read it and start boiling and then scream in my best Jack Nicholson

 

Its better in the states, where I can just take a deep breath and twist one up. Then all I care about is Pizza ????

 

So my NY resolution is: avoid Politics, concentrate on IMPORTANT issues like:

Why do Thai girl Toenails Look like Water Monitors? 

How Many of you Guys carry a spare set of Jockeys for those Unexpected Accidents?

If you are dying of thirst, can you drink from the buttshower?

Why dont they throw away the old trains that clutter up Bang Sue?

Why do I see less cats in Chinatown?

If you bow to a Japanese guy and he bows back, then you bow again, does it become a never ending loop?

Do HiSos eat bugs?

and

Am I REALLY  a Hansum Man?

 

And so forth. Give me strength O Lord!

 

 

[Kwasaki]

You can go google and get all your expert answers.

[NCC1701A]

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

Happy 2019 upcoming

dude! are you holding out on us? did you score some coke last night? that is a long list.

[NCC1701A]

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

18. Why do Thai guys wear fanny packs across their chests? 

they are pretending to be Mexican bandits.

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

10. Why is the size of a Thai girl in inverse proportion to her falang boyfriend?

opposites attract.

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

42. Why is the announcement lady's voice the same on the BTS and the MRT?

she is super hot in real life.

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

37. If you are too old and feeble to walk up the stairs to Mandarin without help, why are you there?

to find out if your ex wife has spent all your money yet.

 

15 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

13. Can you really get a BJ in a bar, or do you have to go to a room?

yes. no.

 

[rumak]

5 hours ago, cornishcarlos said:

OP, I believe I would enjoy seeing 1 list of your observations every month. This is what TVF used to be like, before everyone loss their sense of humor ????

getting old or getting shafted by the girl you thought was different can do that to one.   but then again, a sense of humor seems to be no. 3 on the in danger of becoming extinct list.

[Mavideol]

man, I don't know what you had for breakfast but would take 2 of them

[AGareth2]

3 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

Why do I see less cats in Chinatown?

they eat them

[Spidey]

1. Same as a duck flattening machine.

2. Mostly weird additives, sunflowers for organic eggs (true).

3. At birth, granny uses it to tie the umbilical cord.

4. No. Smart foreigners have a Thai wife/girlfriend.

5. No answer to that!

6. It's made into Lu chin.(those disgusting pork balls in Kwai Teow.)

7. Only if the daughter has a farang boyfriend/sponsor.

8. My girls are different. They have beautiful petite feet. My wife takes size 37 shoes.

9. Rabid dogs don't wear flip flops.

10. Easier to spin them when they are doing the cowboy.

11. Because they are up to no good. Biggest crims in Thailand (true).

12. They don't. it's a dead giveaway when they smile.

13. Broke my "BJ in a bar" cherry a few weeks ago. Half way through 4 pissed up Aussies came in and started cheering (true).

14. Try fitting a dozen ladyboys into the back of a police car. Pickups all day long.

15. They know what the security guard has got waiting for them.

16. They're not chickens they are small fighting cocks. Thai men love them. No idea why.

18.  They don't want to hide their ample lunchboxes. (Usually a pair of socks stuffed down their pants).

19. I never kill roaches with spray. Turn them on their backs, make a teepee over them with matches and light. Much more fun.

20. Depends on the size of the people. Normally 5 adults or 8 children or 3 farangs (2 if they're yanks).

 

I'm only used to playing "20 questions" and TV is about to go into the twilight zone, so I'll post these for now. Maybe another 20 later.

[marko kok prong]

To exhausted reading the post to come up with any answers.

[Nyezhov]

4 hours ago, Kwasaki said:

You can go google and get all your expert answers.

Wow thanks. You'd be fun at a party ????????

[grollies]

OP you have too much time on your hands.

[grollies]

5 hours ago, Spidey said:

1. Same as a duck flattening machine.

2. Mostly weird additives, sunflowers for organic eggs (true).

3. At birth, granny uses it to tie the umbilical cord.

4. No. Smart foreigners have a Thai wife/girlfriend.

5. No answer to that!

6. It's made into Lu chin.(those disgusting pork balls in Kwai Teow.)

7. Only if the daughter has a farang boyfriend/sponsor.

8. My girls are different. They have beautiful petite feet. My wife takes size 37 shoes.

9. Rabid dogs don't wear flip flops.

10. Easier to spin them when they are doing the cowboy.

11. Because they are up to no good. Biggest crims in Thailand (true).

12. They don't. it's a dead giveaway when they smile.

13. Broke my "BJ in a bar" cherry a few weeks ago. Half way through 4 pissed up Aussies came in and started cheering (true).

14. Try fitting a dozen ladyboys into the back of a police car. Pickups all day long.

15. They know what the security guard has got waiting for them.

16. They're not chickens they are small fighting cocks. Thai men love them. No idea why.

18.  They don't want to hide their ample lunchboxes. (Usually a pair of socks stuffed down their pants).

19. I never kill roaches with spray. Turn them on their backs, make a teepee over them with matches and light. Much more fun.

20. Depends on the size of the people. Normally 5 adults or 8 children or 3 farangs (2 if they're yanks).

 

I'm only used to playing "20 questions" and TV is about to go into the twilight zone, so I'll post these for now. Maybe another 20 later.

No rush.

[faraday]

No.2 -  CP use Marigold flower extract for the yolks.

 

No.52 - how do they make the albumin white?

[Nyezhov]

6 hours ago, Spidey said:

Broke my "BJ in a bar" cherry a few weeks ago. Half way through 4 pissed up Aussies came in and started cheering (true).

Nice! Thats the stuff I like! I love Aussies!

[Kwasaki]

17 hours ago, Nyezhov said:

Wow thanks. You'd be fun at a party ????????

I don't do parties too many bucket mouth hoe like people there.

[Nyezhov]

2 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

I don't do parties too many bucket mouth hoe like people there.

Gee and here I was going to invite you to attend the NYE Concert with the Vienna Philharmonic at the Opera House in Vienna. But I agree, lots of bucket mouthed hos there, you wouldnt be happy.

 

There is a meeting of Misanthropic Anonymous if you want to go.

[Kwasaki]

10 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

Gee and here I was going to invite you to attend the NYE Concert with the Vienna Philharmonic at the Opera House in Vienna.

 

There is a meeting of Misanthropic Anonymous if you want to go.

Vienna thanks but no thanks.

 

Maverick describes me perfectly thankyou. 

[Old Croc]

16 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

There is a meeting of Misanthropic Anonymous if you want to go

It's at my place, Curmudgeon Street.