Advice for young people here who find it impossible to adapt culturally – what to do/when is it time to quit?

[NoshowJones]

7 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Why dont you explain why you hate the UK ?

Because it would take as much as the OP of this topic to do it.

[Rc2702]

14 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I did not read all the OPs post, but most of what I did read is true.

I read it all and it would appear the OP maybe made a mistake and he is now driven to the drink.

 

Thailand rural people.

Simply trying to pass on some of their farming knowledge whether it be correct or not.

 

Lack of communication and appreciation.

 

Seriously what do you expect.

 

Employees making continual same mistakes. Your system is to blame put a system in place to prevent the error.

 

Smoke - surely you knew of this before you planted yourself there. If not, you were guilty of rushing in.

 

 

[dotpoom]

Waiting for the paperback to come out?

[StreetCowboy]

32 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I'm Scottish too, and I resent that the Scottish people did not have the guts to become independent, and now Scotland is just like England full of people of a certain faith.

My family are not particularly religious.  None of their friends or acquaintances are particularly religious.

Are you saying the CofE is attempting ethnic cleansing North of the Border? It’s not something I’ve seen.

[spidermike007]

1. There is very little common sense or reason practiced here in Thailand. If it is employed, you will never be able to interpret it as the kind of common sense, and reason you are accustomed to.

2. Thailand is not a foreign country. It is a distant planet. Always keep that in mind. On so many levels, this place does is not familiar. That is one of the things I like most about living here. But, it takes some time to get used to, and I have to remind myself alot, of that reality. Perspective on the place helps alot. 

3. Most Thais are kind hearted, and decent people. Just show some respect. It is their country after all. Do not expect them to behave like you do. Kindness and respect toward the locals goes a long way toward making your stay here really pleasant, and can defuse, or prevent alot of hostile situations.

4. Thailand is a very foreign culture. They are one or two generations removed from a nearly total tribal existence. So, alot of traditional values still exist. Expect that. Most are very conventional people, and most live in very small boxes, in terms of lifestyle. 

5. The police are not here to protect you. They do not care one iota about your well being, your safety, or traffic safety. Expect that. Do not employ them, unless absolutely necessary. They operate franchises, and are completely immune to oversight or prosecution. So expect corruption from them, and expect a fleecing, if you give them the slightest opportunity. They are best avoided. Always remember. In Thailand the police do not engage in law enforcement. All they do is revenue collection. 

6. Face can be a real obstacle here. In my opinion, it is the single greatest weakness of the Thai people. They are pathologically afraid of losing face. Personally, I despise this practice of face. It prevents the society from maturing and progressing, on so many levels. Get used to it. If you confront a Thai, they will engage in fierce denial, and most will absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, or admit, and own the problems they have caused, on any level. 

7. If you are going to get involved with a Thai woman, take into account the fact that most are immature and emotionally undeveloped. I highly recommend looking for a woman who is the eldest child in the family. They are given far more responsibility growing up, and it shows. And remember, you are no longer in the West, which means you do not have to check your cajones at the door. Do not behave like you behaved back there. If you do that, she will take over. And take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are real issues, they will reveal themselves over time. Do not allow a woman to push the agenda. Be a man. Push back. Be strong. Do as Bond would do. 

8. If driving, especially on a motorbike, treat the activity as an act of war, in a sense that you may be mowed down or killed at any moment. Maintain eyes in the back of your head. Watch everyone. Expect craziness, insanity, lack of reason, and a complete lack of courtesy and respect on the roads, at all times. Expect cars and trucks to be coming at you in the wrong lane. Expect people to overtake you with the slimmest of margins.
Expect trucks to be driving very slowly in the fast lane of a highway. If riding a motorbike, only do so if you have many years of experience. Especially on the southern islands, where huge numbers of foreigners leave Thailand in a wooden box. Wear the best helmet you can afford. And drive like a grandmother. This applies to ex-pats too. Bring along an international drivers license. This helps you to avoid being fleeced by the local police franchisee.

 

[grollies]

38 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I'm Scottish too, and I resent that the Scottish people did not have the guts to become independent, and now Scotland is just like England full of people of a certain faith.

Catholics?

[Gecko123]

I thought the OP was an amusing compilation of anecdotes about how life in Thailand can be frustrating, but one crack he made about how he "had studied Thai for a year, but lost interest after he discovered Thais only talk about trivial banalities" struck me as a lame excuse.

 

First of all, moving to a small rural village with poor language skills is a recipe for hellish interpersonal relationships with the locals and is something I'd never advise anyone to do. Thai is a tough language to get a handle on. Even a year of serious study is a drop in the bucket and will get you to rudimentary proficiency at best, even if you're some linguistic savant. If you haven't learned the alphabet and writing system, your pronunciation will probably remain mediocre forever. Expecting that villagers are going to flock around like you're Jesus of Nazareth just for the pleasure of listening to mispronounced phrase book Thai is living in la-la land.

 

But more importantly, while rural Thais do not generally enjoy high degrees of education, that does not mean they are stupid, do not have a ton of practical knowledge, or great senses of humor. True, many Thais don't seem to express much interest in a foreigner's background, but if you make an effort to establish rapport on their level, I think you'd be surprised by what you can learn from village folk. I'm sure the OP has considerable knowledge about health, food, money management, nutrition, economics, gardening, English, business, etc. that he could share with people in his area. Identify things you are interested in and want to talk about, and start striking up conversations and asking questions. But saying it's not worth the effort is a cop out.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Gecko123

[grollies]

4 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

1. There is very little common sense or reason practiced here in Thailand. If it is employed, you will never be able to interpret it as the kind of common sense, and reason you are accustomed to.

2. Thailand is not a foreign country. It is a distant planet. Always keep that in mind. On so many levels, this place does is not familiar. That is one of the things I like most about living here. But, it takes some time to get used to, and I have to remind myself alot, of that reality. Perspective on the place helps alot. 

3. Most Thais are kind hearted, and decent people. Just show some respect. It is their country after all. Do not expect them to behave like you do. Kindness and respect toward the locals goes a long way toward making your stay here really pleasant, and can defuse, or prevent alot of hostile situations.

4. Thailand is a very foreign culture. They are one or two generations removed from a nearly total tribal existence. So, alot of traditional values still exist. Expect that. Most are very conventional people, and most live in very small boxes, in terms of lifestyle. 

5. The police are not here to protect you. They do not care one iota about your well being, your safety, or traffic safety. Expect that. Do not employ them, unless absolutely necessary. They operate franchises, and are completely immune to oversight or prosecution. So expect corruption from them, and expect a fleecing, if you give them the slightest opportunity. They are best avoided. Always remember. In Thailand the police do not engage in law enforcement. All they do is revenue collection. 

6. Face can be a real obstacle here. In my opinion, it is the single greatest weakness of the Thai people. They are pathologically afraid of losing face. Personally, I despise this practice of face. It prevents the society from maturing and progressing, on so many levels. Get used to it. If you confront a Thai, they will engage in fierce denial, and most will absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, or admit, and own the problems they have caused, on any level. 

7. If you are going to get involved with a Thai woman, take into account the fact that most are immature and emotionally undeveloped. I highly recommend looking for a woman who is the eldest child in the family. They are given far more responsibility growing up, and it shows. And remember, you are no longer in the West, which means you do not have to check your cajones at the door. Do not behave like you behaved back there. If you do that, she will take over. And take your time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it is only going to get better. If there are real issues, they will reveal themselves over time. Do not allow a woman to push the agenda. Be a man. Push back. Be strong. Do as Bond would do. 

8. If driving, especially on a motorbike, treat the activity as an act of war, in a sense that you may be mowed down or killed at any moment. Maintain eyes in the back of your head. Watch everyone. Expect craziness, insanity, lack of reason, and a complete lack of courtesy and respect on the roads, at all times. Expect cars and trucks to be coming at you in the wrong lane. Expect people to overtake you with the slimmest of margins.
Expect trucks to be driving very slowly in the fast lane of a highway. If riding a motorbike, only do so if you have many years of experience. Especially on the southern islands, where huge numbers of foreigners leave Thailand in a wooden box. Wear the best helmet you can afford. And drive like a grandmother. This applies to ex-pats too. Bring along an international drivers license. This helps you to avoid being fleeced by the local police franchisee.

 

This post seems weirdly familiar, have you posted it elsewhere before?

[grollies]

46 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I'm Scottish too, and I resent that the Scottish people did not have the guts to become independent, and now Scotland is just like England full of people of a certain faith.

I thought you were Australian.

[BritManToo]

12 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

But more importantly, while rural Thais do not generally enjoy high degrees of education, that does not mean they are stupid, do not have a ton of practical knowledge, or great senses of humor. True, many Thais don't seem to express much interest in a foreigner's background, but if you make an effort to establish rapport on their level, I think you'd be surprised by what you can learn from village folk.

It really depends on how stupid/intelligent you are.

Rural Thai farmers have nothing to say that I'm interested in hearing or learning.

Most of the ones I encounter don't even speak Thai in their normal village life.

Edited February 2, 2019 by BritManToo

[StreetCowboy]

13 minutes ago, grollies said:

Catholics?

You can’t tell.  They look more and more like us all the time

[Vacuum]

On 2/1/2019 at 10:15 AM, Lost Bob said:

I’m a guy in his early 30s and I moved to Thailand about 5 years ago with the purpose of starting a business with my Thai girlfriend. In those 5 years my quality of life has deteriorated substantially to the point where simply getting out of bed to make coffee and facing existence is dreadfully painful to me. The reason for this degradation as far as I can see is my inability to adapt culturally to the Thai mentality.

What's the problem? You're not married, you can leave the country any day you want.

[StreetCowboy]

6 minutes ago, grollies said:

I thought you were Australian.

I think he still feels hard done by, missing out on being transported to the colonies.

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, StreetCowboy said:

growing up in the best part of the UK amongst the best people

ok - just spitballing here...  you also have the best words? 

[StreetCowboy]

1 minute ago, kenk24 said:

ok - just spitballing here...  you also have the best words? 

Dedoanthair, bytheway. Gallus; barrae; braw. Embdyseznae’saneejit

 

same as this Apple smartarse phone, with it’s auto-incorrect.

[Stevemercer]

I've always said that being Thai is like being part of a cult. You can take a Thai person out of the cult (by going to a western country) and, over time, they become 'normal'. But return them to Thailand and they slowly get absorbed back into the cult.

 

As a farang, it doesn't matter how much you try to assimilate, you can never join the cult.

 

I reckon you could be suffering depression when everything seems too hard and you start to wonder why you bother. Go to a city hospital and talk to one of the mental health doctors. They might put you on an anti-depressant. They take a few months to kick in, but it can be life changing/saving. At the very least you will begin to see that maybe you were taking it all a bit too seriously and perhaps weren't quite sane.

 

What I'm saying is that it might not matter whether you were in Thailand, or somewhere else, it might just be you getting stressed and worked up. Certainly some of the things you describe are symptomatic of depression - opening up in great detail to complete strangers (e.g. your original post and cry for help), becoming reclusive, not trusting anyone and perhaps becoming a little detached from reality.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Stevemercer

[1FinickyOne]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Rural Thai farmers have nothing to say that I'm interested in hearing or learning.

maybe nothing to say, but if you observe, there can still be something to learn... I am awed by the depth of caring and concern that my wife's dad has for the family. His calm, his strength of character and compassion and feeling. I have learned a lot about life and decent behavior and kindness through knowing and watching him. It comes out more so in action that words. 

 

He is not educated, cannot read and write. He is a really great man. 

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, StreetCowboy said:

Dedoanthair, bytheway. Gallus; barrae; braw. Embdyseznae’saneejit

 

same as this Apple smartarse phone, with it’s auto-incorrect.

From the land of dotard.. I knew you did!

[BritManToo]

2 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

maybe nothing to say, but if you observe, there can still be something to learn... I am awed by the depth of caring and concern that my wife's dad has for the family. His calm, his strength of character and compassion and feeling. I have learned a lot about life and decent behavior and kindness through knowing and watching him. It comes out more so in action that words. 

 

He is not educated, cannot read and write. He is a really great man. 

 

How much did you pay for his daughter?

Edited February 2, 2019 by BritManToo

[1FinickyOne]

Just now, BritManToo said:

Sorry, but you sound like a soft lad.

Why sorry? Is there something wrong with that? 

[grollies]

25 minutes ago, Benroon said:

Please go home - else you are on the path to TVisa whining for the next 5 decades and we have enough of them !!

 

Just one thing I read early (there’s no way I’m reading all of that Thai bashing thread bought about by your own frailties as are all the complaints) - I bought a brand new house in the U.K. 4 years ago, I bought a brand new house in Thailand 1 year ago - the construction quality of the Thai house is light years better than the U.K. effort they threw up !! Light years!

When you mention 'light years' I'll bet the electrical installation in your UK house is somewhat superior to the electrical installation in your Thai house.

 

Just sayin'.

[NoshowJones]

45 minutes ago, grollies said:

Catholics?

No, another faith.

[NoshowJones]

38 minutes ago, grollies said:

I thought you were Australian.

No, I do not have a big mouser.

[Gecko123]

53 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

It really depends on how stupid/intelligent you are.

Rural Thai farmers have nothing to say that I'm interested in hearing.

Most of the ones I meet don't even speak Thai in normal village life.

I'm not going to sentimentalize what can be learned, but here are some examples of useful things I've learned recently from my neighbors:

 

• onions shouldn't be washed after harvesting because it will cause them to rot prematurely
• banana blossom and collard greens go well together in curries
• how to kill a wild hare wreaking havoc in my vegetable garden (crossbow which neighbor lent me.)
• which variety of papaya is best for som tam and which variety is best for eating ripe.
• Several guys in my neighborhood have started early morning jogging (maybe inspired by my early morning bike riding) and we've started talking about weight loss, health issues.
• who owns a chainsaw in the area
• where the market pork vendor buys her pork
• also some discussions about the upcoming elections

 

BTW: Jared Diamond, a world renowned anthropologist who has more PhD's than you can shake a stick at, said in his book 'Guns, Germs, and Steel' that if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

Edited February 2, 2019 by Gecko123

[grollies]

2 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

I'm not going to sentimentalize what can be learned, but here are some examples of useful things I've learned recently from my neighbors:

 

• onions shouldn't be washed after harvesting because it will cause them to rot prematurely
• banana blossom and collard greens go together in a curry
• how to kill a wild hare wreaking havoc in my vegetable garden (crossbow which neighbor lent me.
• which variety of papaya is best for som tam and which variety is best for eating ripe.
• Several guys in my neighborhood have started early morning jogging (maybe inspired by my early morning bike riding) and we've started talking about weight loss, health issues.
• who owns a chainsaw in the area
• where the market pork vendor buys her pork
• also some discussions about the upcoming elections

 

BTW: Jared Diamond, a world renowned anthropologist who has more PhD's than you can shake a stick at, said in his book 'Guns, Germs, and Steel' that by if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

You missed out don't keep tomatoes and bread in the fridge.

[rumak]

On 2/1/2019 at 6:45 PM, Orton Rd said:

Good thing the op is not the city riding on public transport. The last seat to be taken will almost always be the one next to mr foreigner, and as soon as another becomes vacant the one sitting next to you will move. could not give a toss but it shows you what they think about us.

 

did you ever get a whiff of some of the "foreigners" here ?   we complain about thai garlic breath....they gossip about "farang body odor"     

Edited February 2, 2019 by rumak

[SheungWan]

On 2/1/2019 at 7:20 PM, Munsch said:

I am approaching my 30. I came here last year and I am starting a business with my girlfriend.

Am I destined to become what you are??

Yes. But without the happy bits.

[SheungWan]

The OP has made his bed and he is determined to lay in it.

[curtklay]

I actually read your entire post, and thought it was extremely well said and completely valid.

 

Unfortunately, you really only have two options:  1.Get out while you're still young enough to start a new chapter. 2.Bite the bullet and live with your misery. Your girlfriend and business will be the deciding factors, and they are major ones.

Time is not necessarily on your side. I have been here 10 years, and if I knew then what I know now...

 

[mauGR1]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

BTW: Jared Diamond, a world renowned anthropologist who has more PhD's than you can shake a stick at, said in his book 'Guns, Germs, and Steel' that if intelligence is measured by how much you know about the environment around you, the hilltribe people of New Guinea are some of the most intelligent people on the planet. But, who knows, maybe he's just another 'soft' lad as well.

 

That's a really great book imo, i read it twice, and i am sure i will learn a few more things when i'll read it again.