So many failed relationships

[rumak]

I came to Thailand with rose colored glasses and  over 30 years the colors have changed so many times. The TV members entertain us with personal accounts or their deeply felt feelings of what Thais, and Thai women in particular, are all about.  What i would like to know is what exactly each person individually is looking for that is most important to them.   What are the 3 or 4 most important traits they want to find in the woman that they think they can be happy living with ?  And will be long lasting !   Beauty changes.  Sex becomes uninspired over time .  Intellectual discussions are not really a Thai thing .  Those that have the "happy relationship" can give their thoughts on what works.   Those that have one or multiple failures can also enlighten us on just what qualities they found lacking.   In their Thai gf..... or heaven forbid, in themself.

[Justin Side]

You love her and she loves you.

Quite simple really.

[CharlieH]

Lets try and keep this a resonable balanced discussion with no snide comments or derogatory references to marrying "hookers" etc please.

 

 

Thank you.

[madmen]

Over the years and lots of loose women and 2 long term relationships I have concluded that female Buddhists have more in common with martians than they do with western men.

[Boomhauer]

1. Respect

2. Know each others boundaries and try to cross them as little as possible.

3. Try to understand each other as best you can. Cultural differences can ruin everything

4. ALWAYS keep a cool head

5. Be assertive, but don't make her feel inferior.

 

Follow these 5 rules and you wont go far wrong.

[billd766]

What, as usual, is missing from the post, is how many good relationships in farang and Thai marriages there are.

 

I know about 25 guys married to Thai ladies and probably about 2 or 3 marriages have failed which compared to the west is a very good sign.

 

I have known my wife for 26 years this May, married for 19 of them and we have a 14 year old son. Several of my friends have been married for longer than me and some for several years less. 

 

Some have children and some not, some live in their home countries, some in Thailand and some in another country.

 

The general trend I see on TVF with respect to farang Thai relationships is mainly the failures for a few different reasons. Very few of the successes as most sensible guys married to Thais won't post on here because of the ridicule that we get from those marriages who failed.

[Hummin]

6 minutes ago, Boomhauer said:

1. Respect

2. Know each others boundaries and try to cross them as little as possible.

3. Try to understand each other as best you can. Cultural differences can ruin everything

4. ALWAYS keep a cool head

5. Be assertive, but don't make her feel inferior.

 

Follow these 5 rules and you wont go far wrong.

Indeed thais have many rules, but do they follow them?? That is the question ????

 

without respect, nothing lasts. Mutual respect I will say is the glue. 

[brokenbone]

it helps a lot if shes a nympho

[BritManToo]

29 minutes ago, rumak said:

What are the 3 or 4 most important traits they want to find in the woman that they think they can be happy living with ? 

I'd just like to find a woman who would love me for myself.

Unfortunately 'myself' isn't that great a deal, so it'll never happen.

Oh well, at least my two kids love me, that'll have to do.

 

At least I had a LTR in the UK that made 30 years before it failed, a record of sorts.

Edited March 6, 2019 by BritManToo

[Boomhauer]

2 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

it helps a lot if shes a nympho

Definitely! That is point 6 on my list ????

[rumak]

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

What, as usual, is missing from the post, is how many good relationships in farang and Thai marriages there are.

 

I know about 25 guys married to Thai ladies and probably about 2 or 3 marriages have failed which compared to the west is a very good sign.

 

I have known my wife for 26 years this May, married for 19 of them and we have a 14 year old son. Several of my friends have been married for longer than me and some for several years less. 

 

Some have children and some not, some live in their home countries, some in Thailand and some in another country.

 

The general trend I see on TVF with respect to farang Thai relationships is mainly the failures for a few different reasons. Very few of the successes as most sensible guys married to Thais won't post on here because of the ridicule that we get from those marriages who failed.

would have been nice if you answered the question that i asked in the post....

[NCC1701A]

2 hours ago, rumak said:

 What are the 3 or 4 most important traits they want to find in the woman that they think they can be happy living with ?

1) She never ages.

2) Physical perfection.

3) Submissive to the point of non existence.

4) likes to watch Star Trek.

 

oh and shes a nympho.

 

 

Edited March 6, 2019 by NCC1701A

[sanemax]

6 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

1) She never ages.

2) Physical perfection.

3) Submissive to the point of non existence.

4) likes to watch Star Trek.

 

oh and shes a nympho.

 

 

As you are posting that at midnight , I guess that shes now watching Star Trek ?

[NCC1701A]

3 minutes ago, sanemax said:

As you are posting that at midnight , I guess that shes now watching Star Trek ?

based on my strict criteria which can not be met, I am watching porn with my cat.

[Kinnock]

I have to admit that it was her legs I noticed first.  Then I noticed a gorgeous but intelligent looking face, and then a magnificent pair of .....

 

Anyway, you get the picture.  And she said that when she first saw me - I looked 'clean'. ????

 

Over the last 9 years she's proven herself to be loving, caring, smart, funny, faithful and soooo hot ..... and I'm still clean.

 

[RoadWarrior371]

Easy to make and good Thai woman happy, and be happy.  Hard to find a good one these days.  Suggest a random selection out of a bog patty is likely superior to **cupid, etc......  too many traps out there.

 

Her good Traits:

Easy to please, easy to keep occupied

does not hold a grudge

does not expect perfection

takes care of appearance

 

my good traits:

enough money to please and keep her occupied

pay attention to her -spend time

 

 

 

[AlexRich]

I'm not sure about any of this ... monogamy was a learned behaviour in humans, we're not biologically programmed to have long term relationships ... an intellectually gifted and curious Thai lady is a rare commodity ... so it's really all down to fun and frolics ... and sad or glad goodbyes ... onward and upwards ... until the grim reaper taps us on the shoulder. Carpe Poonani, to mis-quote Robbin Williams.

[rumak]

1 hour ago, AlexRich said:

I'm not sure about any of this ... monogamy was a learned behaviour in humans, we're not biologically programmed to have long term relationships ... an intellectually gifted and curious Thai lady is a rare commodity ... so it's really all down to fun and frolics ... and sad or glad goodbyes ... onward and upwards ... until the grim reaper taps us on the shoulder. Carpe Poonani, to mis-quote Robbin Williams.

Most of my adult life I would agree that monogamy seemed like something I could not understand. I wonder if women feel the same way?   in sex and other areas boredom seems to be the kiss of death.  Putting biology aside, it does seem that many many men are lonely once they get into their 30's and want a companion.  Unfortunately the excitement of new love wears off (often said to also be a biological thing).

Still, it seems to me that guys in their 50's and above are desperately looking for that LTR .  Fun and frolic are replaced by just a realization that screwing or partying all the time is not bringing the satisfaction that they want .   well, for all except  ncc (in his dreams).  In a rare moment of weakness even BM2 admitted he would like a permanent housecleaner....  Thanks for the 1 or 2 posters that actually wrote a few things that they were looking for in a woman.   Otherwise, this post seems to be too big a challenge for all the "intellectually gifted" amongst us.    

Edited March 6, 2019 by rumak

[A1Str8]

the 3 or 4 most important traits anyone looks for are the ones that they should develop in themselves first. then they can find it elsewhere. thats why relationships fail btw. you are looking for happiness but you dont have it in you.

[RJRS1301]

6 hours ago, madmen said:

Over the years and lots of loose women and 2 long term relationships I have concluded that female Buddhists have more in common with martians than they do with western men.

Loose women???

Does that make you a Morally bankrupt male?

or do we only pass judgement on women’s sexual habits?

 

[madmen]

2 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

Loose women???

Does that make you a Morally bankrupt male?

or do we only pass judgement on women’s sexual habits?

 

woah dude your getting way to deep for a morning post. Take an aspirin and go back to bed

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, brokenbone said:

it helps a lot if shes a nympho

I've had two of them, one Thai, one Filipino, it was a total nightmare (after the first week).

[Denim]

10 hours ago, brokenbone said:

it helps a lot if shes a nympho

Hard to keep up with nymphos.

[NCC1701A]

5 hours ago, rumak said:

replaced by just a realization that screwing or partying all the time is not bringing the satisfaction that they want .   well, for all except  ncc (in his dreams). 

i do have five girlfriends. so together they form the perfect woman. 

 

[Hummin]

39 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

i do have five girlfriends. so together they form the perfect woman. 

 

Rental gf’s? 

[villagefarang]

Over the years I have come to view checklists as objectifying, demeaning and generally unproductive.  While some things may be considered important enough to be dealbreakers, like smoking, drinking, gambling, dishonesty or stupidity, each couple is different.  Some people bring out the best in each other while others bring out the worst.

 

My wife and I are approaching 22 years together and we are still very much in love.  No checklist would have predicted the synergies of our relationship.  My many years of experience in Thailand before we met, my language proficiency, my personality, patience and understanding, all played a part.  Sure love, beauty, athleticism, social graces and intelligence are important to me but being in a loving relationship is not like owning pets or livestock.  You can’t own someone and you have to find ways to work together.  In the end, you are the most important part of the equation because you are the only thing you have any control over.

[mauGR1]

13 hours ago, Justin Side said:

You love her and she loves you.

Quite simple really.

The problems start when one puts "forever" into the equation, imo.

[mauGR1]

59 minutes ago, villagefarang said:

You can’t own someone and you have to find ways to work together.  In the end, you are the most important part of the equation because you are the only thing you have any control over.

Never a wiser word spoken.

[giddyup]

12 hours ago, brokenbone said:

it helps a lot if shes a nympho

As long as you can keep pace. At my age that just sounds like a lot of hard work.

[spidermike007]

I used to think the most important qualities of a relationship were intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual connections. I have changed that standard dramatically over the years. I was fortunate to find a Thai woman who is smart, funny, pretty, has a gorgeous heart of gold, is charming, affectionate, and always has my back.

 

Early on in the relationship, I was having a minor crisis about the intellectual part. She is very smart, but not intellectual, nor philosophical, which I think is not uncommon here. I was lamenting this fact to a close friend, who is very smart. He said when you feel intellectually deprived, you get on the phone, call me, and we can get together for dinner. Some of the best advice I have ever gotten. I think back to my past relationships with intellectually gifted women. Nearly all of them were also very combative, very competitive, and loved a good debate. It gets old very quickly. The last person in the world I want to be battling with, is the woman I love and live with! The trade offs, and upside of not being with that type of woman who is always feeling the need to prove herself is tremendous. Peace of mind, harmony at home, and the ability to continue to grow the love and affection, without having to combat a warrior is such a joy!